I would watch a documentary on how two man life teams come together

Me listening to rage against the machine arguing it’s time for the revolution!!
Wife: do all revolutionaries tuck their shirt into their sweat pants?

Ok, but here’s the thing… At the end of the song I change it to I instead oh he. I am everything you want, I am everything you need!” It’ll blow their minds! (Band nod appreciatively)

Got my blood pressure taken last week and the nurse glanced at my biceps and asked if I wanted the small cuff or the extra small. Before I could answer she said, “probably the extra small” and laughed heartily.

Kirk Cousins make that?

Another half-baked idea: why aren’t there ear salons? Pop by, pull the extra wax out, and head home.

Half-baked idea: a paddle board that can shift into a semi reclined state so after paddling for 8 min I can enjoy a nice drink

Why aren’t fossils on your mind?

Chet looks like Ichabod Crane chasing Pacers around the perimeter

Hang tough out there

I’m here for the takes

If I was a football coach, I would simply require all players to wear long sleeves when it’s under 20 degrees. And then we would win because our limbs would properly function.

Gonna run for office and my entire platform will be repealing the third amendment… let’s see who really supports our troops