Pinned
playing an epic prank on my surgeon by not waking up after my procedure
the clitoris is a button and if you press mine i blow up into several smithereens. not sure how to change the setting
February 17, 2026 at 6:37 PM
the clitoris is a button and if you press mine i blow up into several smithereens. not sure how to change the setting
happy birthday to the moon
February 17, 2026 at 4:11 PM
happy birthday to the moon
let’s trade organs i want to know what you’re working with in there
February 16, 2026 at 11:52 PM
let’s trade organs i want to know what you’re working with in there
my lyft driver asked if it was okay if we stopped for gas and i said NO so now he’s carrying me on his back. giddy up Melvin
February 16, 2026 at 3:25 PM
my lyft driver asked if it was okay if we stopped for gas and i said NO so now he’s carrying me on his back. giddy up Melvin
what usher doesn’t understand is that if i were to dance like it’s the last night of my life i would be screaming and sobbing on the dance floor and that’s not really someone you can fall in love with, despite the DJ’s honest effort to facilitate such an interaction
February 16, 2026 at 1:48 PM
what usher doesn’t understand is that if i were to dance like it’s the last night of my life i would be screaming and sobbing on the dance floor and that’s not really someone you can fall in love with, despite the DJ’s honest effort to facilitate such an interaction
your intestines are sort of like a lazy river for your poop
February 16, 2026 at 1:13 PM
your intestines are sort of like a lazy river for your poop
playing an epic prank on my surgeon by not waking up after my procedure
February 16, 2026 at 2:53 AM
playing an epic prank on my surgeon by not waking up after my procedure
if i were a worm i would fist fight the early bird
February 15, 2026 at 8:51 PM
if i were a worm i would fist fight the early bird
early bird gets the worm, late bird gets a different worm. i don’t believe there is a worm shortage
February 15, 2026 at 8:50 PM
early bird gets the worm, late bird gets a different worm. i don’t believe there is a worm shortage
the great british bake off is essentially just the plot of classic folk nursery rhyme “pat-a-cake”
February 15, 2026 at 7:42 PM
the great british bake off is essentially just the plot of classic folk nursery rhyme “pat-a-cake”
*shoves deflated balloon up my vagina*
*30 seconds of construction noises*
*pulls out deflated balloon but now it’s covered in goop*
tada!
*30 seconds of construction noises*
*pulls out deflated balloon but now it’s covered in goop*
tada!
February 15, 2026 at 7:01 PM
*shoves deflated balloon up my vagina*
*30 seconds of construction noises*
*pulls out deflated balloon but now it’s covered in goop*
tada!
*30 seconds of construction noises*
*pulls out deflated balloon but now it’s covered in goop*
tada!
not sure how everyone is full of microplastics, i vacuum mine out through my vagina once a week
February 15, 2026 at 6:57 PM
not sure how everyone is full of microplastics, i vacuum mine out through my vagina once a week
killed a deer in the woods and it dropped all of its loot
February 15, 2026 at 4:28 PM
killed a deer in the woods and it dropped all of its loot
hunting for the thrill of blending into my surroundings
February 14, 2026 at 5:15 AM
hunting for the thrill of blending into my surroundings
singing chicka chicka boom boom at karaoke
February 14, 2026 at 4:47 AM
singing chicka chicka boom boom at karaoke
i’m getting a reverse lobotomy, they’re gonna put some more stuff up there
February 14, 2026 at 4:42 AM
i’m getting a reverse lobotomy, they’re gonna put some more stuff up there
the first person to have expressed themselves through song must’ve felt awesome
February 14, 2026 at 4:36 AM
the first person to have expressed themselves through song must’ve felt awesome
epstein is probably the only person who could’ve benefitted running his emails through chat gpt
February 14, 2026 at 2:12 AM
epstein is probably the only person who could’ve benefitted running his emails through chat gpt
if the blood made noise when it came out people would take periods a lot more seriously
February 13, 2026 at 9:02 PM
if the blood made noise when it came out people would take periods a lot more seriously
this is my impression of a tour guide for the catacombs in paris:
welcome to the bone cave!
welcome to the bone cave!
February 13, 2026 at 8:41 PM
this is my impression of a tour guide for the catacombs in paris:
welcome to the bone cave!
welcome to the bone cave!
sick platform you have man i think it’s awesome how you allow insidious, regressive ideas to permeate the zeitgeist unchallenged in the name of “discourse”
February 13, 2026 at 7:13 PM
sick platform you have man i think it’s awesome how you allow insidious, regressive ideas to permeate the zeitgeist unchallenged in the name of “discourse”
hey man awesome platform i love the way you don’t challenge anything anyone says to you
February 13, 2026 at 7:11 PM
hey man awesome platform i love the way you don’t challenge anything anyone says to you
Reposted by “abbey”
they say you can’t argue with a brick wall, which is true. brick is cold, stoic. you can, however, get into colorful arguments with the tile in your shower. porcelain has a sharp tongue and biting wit
December 12, 2025 at 12:46 AM
they say you can’t argue with a brick wall, which is true. brick is cold, stoic. you can, however, get into colorful arguments with the tile in your shower. porcelain has a sharp tongue and biting wit
Reposted by “abbey”
i was bathing in the blood of my enemies and swore i felt the platelets of a friend…
January 6, 2026 at 1:31 PM
i was bathing in the blood of my enemies and swore i felt the platelets of a friend…
Reposted by “abbey”
when bathing in the blood of your enemies it’s important to drop a few anticoagulants in there, lest you end up swimming in chunks
January 6, 2026 at 11:54 AM
when bathing in the blood of your enemies it’s important to drop a few anticoagulants in there, lest you end up swimming in chunks