I’ve really committed to my personal brand.

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"Only time will tell"

*Finds out where time lives*
*Breaks in*
*Reminds time what happens to snitches*

nothing says "you're safe here, white people" like a big ass bowl of pine cones

In retrospect, switching my grandma's Life Alert pendant for her garage door opener was not as funny as I had hoped. Miss you Nana.