Conan: You know, Anora is having a good night. That's great news. Two wins already. I guess Americans are excited to see somebody finally stand up to a powerful Russian.

DEI Programs need to be rebranded as Anti-Bigot Programs.

I'm trying to sort out how to get calling my congress critters into my daily schedule. Apparently, this is now something I do while waiting for my coffee to brew.

I feel like I am weaponizing my pre-caffinated self.

Have you installed 5-calls yet?

We're living the moment in Black Panther where Killmonger is king.

Rep. Thomas Massie introduced a bill to get rid of the Department of Education.

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Any funding used to get better science education to communities in underserved areas is cancelled.

What this means:
- Many people are losing their jobs or being forced to go part-time (scientists and educators)
- Many teachers will no longer get professional development or classroom resources

I've never been happier that my sole talent is disassociating. Thanks, trauma!✨️

⚠️ BREAKING:

Severe H1N1 Outbreak Overwhelms Hospitals in China 🇨🇳 Experts Warn Virus May Target Facial Nerves, Causing Paralysis.

The A (H1N1) influenza virus is rapidly spreading in China, with many infected individuals developing facial paralysis, raising growing concerns.

ICE is planning immigration raids starting Tuesday. Please amplify.

Has science discovered if there's a correlation between Apgar scores and political affiliation?

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”

— Isaac Asimov

A Snoop Dogg CD works really well to scrape dog shit off of the sidewalk.

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