Dave Algonquin
@xeyednpainless.bsky.social
All right; I’ll go to hell.
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajgzsefgzeq
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaajgzsefgzeq
Pinned
And then Mrs. Dalloway thought, “Fuck it. Fuck those flowers. Fuck my party. I’m gonna roll a fattie and listen to Peter Gabriel-era Genesis.”
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Little House on the Prairie is so wild, I’m glad I don’t live near any prairies
October 10, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Little House on the Prairie is so wild, I’m glad I don’t live near any prairies
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
There’s really no punk rock way to make a solar system out of birthday cake.
October 10, 2025 at 3:51 PM
There’s really no punk rock way to make a solar system out of birthday cake.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
I’m cut and autistic, baby!!!!
October 9, 2025 at 6:46 PM
I’m cut and autistic, baby!!!!
If the Garbage Pail Kids didn’t get to win the Nobel Peace Prize, then nobody deserves it.
October 9, 2025 at 6:04 PM
If the Garbage Pail Kids didn’t get to win the Nobel Peace Prize, then nobody deserves it.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
You ain't gettin the Nobel Prize, bru. Have another Diet Coke and drain your ankles.
October 9, 2025 at 5:07 PM
You ain't gettin the Nobel Prize, bru. Have another Diet Coke and drain your ankles.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Is there a non-sexy way to eat celery?
October 6, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Is there a non-sexy way to eat celery?
Actually, when I think of Tim McGraw, I think of that stupid racist song he did early in his career about how he was an Indian outlaw. Sorry, TayTay. And can you maybe pick up all your clothes from my room? I can’t even see the carpet anymore.
October 5, 2025 at 6:59 PM
Actually, when I think of Tim McGraw, I think of that stupid racist song he did early in his career about how he was an Indian outlaw. Sorry, TayTay. And can you maybe pick up all your clothes from my room? I can’t even see the carpet anymore.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Thanks for the dry handjob in the Arby’s parking lot, Geoff.
October 5, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Thanks for the dry handjob in the Arby’s parking lot, Geoff.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
I've never had access to my attic, so really anything could be up there. Bodies? Money? The set from Match Game '73?
October 5, 2025 at 2:20 AM
I've never had access to my attic, so really anything could be up there. Bodies? Money? The set from Match Game '73?
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Would you rather see Taylor Swift catch a seam route between two NFL safeties or Travis Kelce playing the guitar in a sequined leotard
October 5, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Would you rather see Taylor Swift catch a seam route between two NFL safeties or Travis Kelce playing the guitar in a sequined leotard
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
would’ve been cool if prenatal tests back when my wife was pregnant could predict if your kid would be interested in ventriloquism as a career
October 4, 2025 at 9:17 PM
would’ve been cool if prenatal tests back when my wife was pregnant could predict if your kid would be interested in ventriloquism as a career
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Cumin is my favorite spice that looks like what a hillbilly yells at the conclusion of coitus.
October 4, 2025 at 3:42 PM
Cumin is my favorite spice that looks like what a hillbilly yells at the conclusion of coitus.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
If you ain't never been to Bagel Barn
Don't ever come to Bagel Barn
'Cause you ain't understand Bagel Barn
And stay the fuck out of Bagel Barn
Don't ever come to Bagel Barn
'Cause you ain't understand Bagel Barn
And stay the fuck out of Bagel Barn
October 4, 2025 at 7:06 PM
If you ain't never been to Bagel Barn
Don't ever come to Bagel Barn
'Cause you ain't understand Bagel Barn
And stay the fuck out of Bagel Barn
Don't ever come to Bagel Barn
'Cause you ain't understand Bagel Barn
And stay the fuck out of Bagel Barn
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
being awoken by geese is like a gaggle of clowns honking outside my bedroom window, signifying the beginning of life’s daily horrors but it’s ok
October 4, 2025 at 4:40 PM
being awoken by geese is like a gaggle of clowns honking outside my bedroom window, signifying the beginning of life’s daily horrors but it’s ok
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
You've heard of cocaine bear and cocaine shark, let me introduce you to the most destructive monster yet, COCAINE GOVERNMENT!
October 4, 2025 at 10:24 AM
You've heard of cocaine bear and cocaine shark, let me introduce you to the most destructive monster yet, COCAINE GOVERNMENT!
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Is it okay if I go down on you, Cthulu?
October 3, 2025 at 4:45 PM
Is it okay if I go down on you, Cthulu?
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
The dog won’t go out in the rain. Descended from wolves.
October 3, 2025 at 7:09 PM
The dog won’t go out in the rain. Descended from wolves.
ICE is like someone said “let’s take those Police Academy movies, but make them unfunny and violent and even more racist and somehow the characters are even more incompetent. And NO Steve Guttenberg!”
October 3, 2025 at 10:13 PM
ICE is like someone said “let’s take those Police Academy movies, but make them unfunny and violent and even more racist and somehow the characters are even more incompetent. And NO Steve Guttenberg!”
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
BREAKING: Comedians Compete For Bonesaw Signed By Jared Kushner at Riyadh Festival
October 3, 2025 at 5:47 AM
BREAKING: Comedians Compete For Bonesaw Signed By Jared Kushner at Riyadh Festival
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Sorry you asked me to make a hall pass list and I just wrote down your mom’s name five times.
October 3, 2025 at 9:54 AM
Sorry you asked me to make a hall pass list and I just wrote down your mom’s name five times.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
This is not the world Iggy Pop rolled around in broken glass and then continued singing for.
October 2, 2025 at 7:13 PM
This is not the world Iggy Pop rolled around in broken glass and then continued singing for.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Got tear away pants for this colonoscopy prep.
October 2, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Got tear away pants for this colonoscopy prep.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
Framing my wife’s colonoscopy pics to put on the nightstand
October 2, 2025 at 9:36 PM
Framing my wife’s colonoscopy pics to put on the nightstand
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
My girlfriend thinks I'm only with her because of her pretty handwriting. I don't have the heart to tell her she's right.
October 2, 2025 at 2:56 AM
My girlfriend thinks I'm only with her because of her pretty handwriting. I don't have the heart to tell her she's right.
Reposted by Dave Algonquin
When I impulsively purchased 300 scones from the corner bakery this morning I had no idea it would be my destiny to arrange them in an unsettling cairn atop the office copy machine, but such are the mysteries that spring unbidden from the ineffable scone.
October 2, 2025 at 3:00 AM
When I impulsively purchased 300 scones from the corner bakery this morning I had no idea it would be my destiny to arrange them in an unsettling cairn atop the office copy machine, but such are the mysteries that spring unbidden from the ineffable scone.