"We just couldn’t have predicted that a molten species perpetually on fire would start a fire like this," one Alliance official told Xenonion.

A United Nations of Earth (UNE) family were left shocked this week when their living-room fireplace reportedly became sapient and began issuing demands. Read more: bit.ly/4ogtibS

Representatives from the Blorg Commonality have been left baffled after the Felid Star Empire renewed urgent demands for open-border access with the Commonality, only to make no attempt to cross the border once the request was granted.

“We are committed to maintaining procedural purity,” Chancellor Jeff Jeffpatine stated while addressing the Senate. “By vetoing the vote on vetoing vetoes, we have vetoed all potential confusion.”

Sources within the Voor delegation claim this is “standard pompous purist diplomatic protocol,” designed to ensure they’re “only exposed to intelligent life.”

“I SAID ATTUNE,” the mystical being harmonized discordantly, “NOT THAT I NEEDED TUNING.”

“The veil is notoriously dry this time of year with a high Zro count,” eye specialist Dr Fovea told Xenonion. “Pops need to specifically attune for optimal humidity and avoid the bright strobing that comes with looking too hard into the future late at night.”

The three-year-old has been hailed as a “gifted visionary” by UNE President Jeffrey Rossario, who added he had “an unparalleled ability to fit three entire building blocks into his mouth.”