I also am getting *two* new projects this week. One will film next week, the final week of the term. The other will be filmed in about a month, so I have some time to develop it. all of this is awesome for me.

Its now time for class, so I will let you so. Take care, have a good day, and talk soon!

It is a sense of loss and mourning that I feel and something I am working through.

But despite that lonely cloud of negativity... I am thriving and loving where I am in my life.

This week, I work in front of the camera as a news presenter for our Mock news program.

Why did I try and force myself into a situation where I couldn't succeed? The last decade I was trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, and I should have been able to see that clearly... but didn't.

Maybe it was the need to make the same amount of money. Maybe it was fear or expectation.

I have one full "Lecture day (Mondays)" but even then things are different and moving. I find myself seeing this as exactly where I need to be.

But it is also... upsetting.

it is upsetting because I should have done this a decade ago and I didn't. I should have shifted a long time ago.

I am getting assignments done with early because they have me continually focused on what I want to do, but also allowing me the space to reflect. (IYKM, self-reflection is my jam).

I eagerly await the weekly school schedule on Friday to see what new things we will be doing. Which feeds my ADHD.

However, this time, I have constant movement, constant change, constant new things to grab onto and sink into. Nothing too long to become overwhelming. The cadence is such that I am *thriving* instead of floundering.

the cadence keeps me busy and looking forward - which my Autism loves.

Here though, 22-ish years later, I find myself in a very different position. I am in a learning environment that caters to both Autism and ADHD. The info dump style of learning is still there. There is so much to cover in such a short amount of time, you need to digest info as you are getting more.

And more often than not my Autism would save my ADHD in the nick of time. Just like my ADHD would do the same. It was a delicate balance of keeping both in check without one overwhelming the other.

Over time, that balance shifted towards ADHD, especially as I shifted to 100% behind the desk.

Now, that is to say I didn't like it all. I loved listening to history, talking about it groups. Uncovering aspects of things I hadn't thought about before. All of the info dumping fed the Autistic side of me.

But also... ADHD. the Executive Function, the inability to keep focus. Both collided.

Previous school experiences were mostly classroom lecture. This is what I was always used to. sitting in a class room, ready to take notes I will never read again, listen to the next installment of the lecture series in front of me.

The Dems (and most politicians in general) are terrible at online curation. It's a skill that needs to be developed and the Democrats silence is deafening. AOC and Bernie are ignored and the Dems who ARE getting attention sound like our enemies (looking at your Newsom). We need a new party.

Otherwise, things are quiet. School is taking most of my brain space, and despite good weather last week, I was too exhausted to do Astro. Hopefully I will in the groove during the next period of good astro days.

Hope all is well, and have a great week!

Outside school, things have been good. Last week I was conferred citizenship in New Zealand - I am now a dual citizen! There is a lot that goes into that - but I will save it for its own thread. - Now I wait for my citizenship ceremony to make it official. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Also definitely getting into that mentor role. My crew is great, and I am connecting well. And I *hope* they appreciate my experience and my perspective. They seem to for the most part... but as I learned... I am literally the same age as their parents, so I need to tread carefully.

I am also getting that sweet sweet praise from my tutors. My ADHD/Autistic/Traumatized brain yearns for. In saying that... they (and I) see this as a one year audition - I need to capitalise on that. I want this to work so much so I am going to make it happen.

Film School is going full tilt. Today in week 5 is my first day "off" but I have been working on project work all day. It doesn't bother me so much since I am so invested in this. I definitely feel that "This is my one chance, don't F it up." vibe that many non-traditional students adopt.

As I wrap up here so I can chat with my classmates - I find that despite the age, origin, ethnicity, perspective, and experience of 85 people, I am connecting in ways I've struggled with for the last.... decade? It feels good. I feel a lot more like my old (old oooold) self.

And I love it.