Velma_The_Funny
@velma.bsky.social
Big heart and laugh at my own jokes. DON'T BE A DICK.
Used to be funny...then I had kids
Used to be funny...then I had kids
I want to be reincarnated as a cat so I can give my humans the most evil stink eye and then lick my butt and somehow they will see this as a sign of love and admiration.
May 16, 2024 at 6:35 PM
I want to be reincarnated as a cat so I can give my humans the most evil stink eye and then lick my butt and somehow they will see this as a sign of love and admiration.
And on this day she had the attention span of a gnat...
May 4, 2024 at 2:08 PM
And on this day she had the attention span of a gnat...
I miss Rowdy Rowdy Piper
May 1, 2024 at 5:56 PM
I miss Rowdy Rowdy Piper
Somebody needs to look out for us people that trip up stairs...
April 25, 2024 at 1:44 PM
Somebody needs to look out for us people that trip up stairs...
And today I will put on pants...
maybe
maybe
April 23, 2024 at 4:11 PM
And today I will put on pants...
maybe
maybe
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Me: *trying to get comfortable on your wicker chair* I wonder if this is what sitting on shredded wheat feels like.
April 15, 2024 at 5:47 PM
Me: *trying to get comfortable on your wicker chair* I wonder if this is what sitting on shredded wheat feels like.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
I've updated my terms & conditions.
April 22, 2024 at 1:04 AM
I've updated my terms & conditions.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
I love seeing live bands. The dead ones just kind of lie there.
April 14, 2024 at 4:08 AM
I love seeing live bands. The dead ones just kind of lie there.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
people who don’t want the government to interfere with their lives are the same people who want the government to interfere with the lives of everyone else
April 21, 2024 at 8:19 PM
people who don’t want the government to interfere with their lives are the same people who want the government to interfere with the lives of everyone else
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Typing “general bad vibes” into WebMD.
April 21, 2024 at 9:13 PM
Typing “general bad vibes” into WebMD.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Doing a lot of guy stuff today, doing my dude diligence.
April 21, 2024 at 10:37 PM
Doing a lot of guy stuff today, doing my dude diligence.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Sorry I called your baby a “cursed object”
April 20, 2024 at 8:17 PM
Sorry I called your baby a “cursed object”
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Could you kindly check your calendar and let me know when you might be in the mood for my bullshit?
I look forward to your timely response.
I look forward to your timely response.
April 21, 2024 at 9:07 PM
Could you kindly check your calendar and let me know when you might be in the mood for my bullshit?
I look forward to your timely response.
I look forward to your timely response.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
“Meeting expectations since 1994.”
April 21, 2024 at 4:53 PM
“Meeting expectations since 1994.”
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
A coward hides behind their rights.
A hero fights for other people's rights.
A hero fights for other people's rights.
April 22, 2024 at 1:28 AM
A coward hides behind their rights.
A hero fights for other people's rights.
A hero fights for other people's rights.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
The back of your head is flat because your parents didn't love you.
April 22, 2024 at 1:28 AM
The back of your head is flat because your parents didn't love you.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
You ever just want to row, row, row your boat with the homies?
April 22, 2024 at 1:19 AM
You ever just want to row, row, row your boat with the homies?
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
This is the energy I want to project on Bluesky.
April 21, 2024 at 11:02 PM
This is the energy I want to project on Bluesky.
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Someone's gonna get fucking loved around here it might as well be you
April 22, 2024 at 1:32 AM
Someone's gonna get fucking loved around here it might as well be you
Reposted by Velma_The_Funny
Sometimes I fantasize about getting taken hostage by a criminal gang of grandmothers. Just being well fed and released with new socks, some hard candy and a pocketful of quarters.
April 22, 2024 at 1:34 AM
Sometimes I fantasize about getting taken hostage by a criminal gang of grandmothers. Just being well fed and released with new socks, some hard candy and a pocketful of quarters.
As a form of punishment I will be subjecting my teenagers to reruns of Baywatch...
April 12, 2024 at 5:45 PM
As a form of punishment I will be subjecting my teenagers to reruns of Baywatch...
You guys, does the funny come back after kids move out?
April 1, 2024 at 2:21 PM
You guys, does the funny come back after kids move out?
Me: spring, still coming early?
Spring: new phone who dis?
Spring: new phone who dis?
March 25, 2024 at 10:12 PM
Me: spring, still coming early?
Spring: new phone who dis?
Spring: new phone who dis?