Jeff James
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Jeff James
@unsquare.com
190 followers 540 following 92 posts
Reader, writer, grower of artisanal beards.

Write about books at fullofwords.com, other things at unsquare.com.

More links: https://linktr.ee/ipsographic
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Stocking up for any potential Road Warrior situations
A bag of “human grade organic” cookie pal treats for dogs that probably taste fine if you’re in a post-apocalyptic situation
March 25, 2025 at 4:27 AM
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Ready for the week ahead
A man in chainmail brandishes a knife at a boxy old computer, superstitious terror in his eyes as he clicks the mouse
January 13, 2025 at 10:13 AM
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This final season of What We Do In the Shadows is really going all out with the super-sized episodes
A photo of the Up Next queue on my Apple TV showing 24 hours and 52 minutes left in an episode of What We Do In The Shadows
November 19, 2024 at 4:56 AM
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"Coffee Break"

- A hostile takeover
- Three characters with dialog

#OnePageChallenge
INT. OFFICE - BREAK ROOM - DAY At first glance, the standard corporate grey hideout full of half-stocked cabinets and out-of-order vending machines. The office proper is visible through windows and an open doorway. Except... up in one corner, roots twist down through the ceiling and into a hole in the wall, damp with organic decay. GREG, a pale, floppy-haired man in a rumpled shirt and tie, waits for the slowest coffee maker in the world to brew. A young woman in a green pantsuit - CORALIE - enters and also stares at the coffee maker, awkwardly humming to herself. Greg coughs, voice hoarse from disuse. GREG The, uh, mix they have is pretty good. Almost tastes like coffee. Makes me grind me teeth, though. CORALIE You've tasted real coffee? GREG Oh, sure, when I was a kid I-- But he's interrupted when a door to the office stairwell in the main room SLAMS open and a man in protective gear brandishing a SAMURAI SWORD bursts through - a RAIDER. RAIDER PAY HOMAGE TO THE DARK LORD OF SARBANES-OXLEY, FOUL MISCREANTS! GREG Oh shit, another audit! He grabs Coralie by one arm, dumps everything out of the floor-level cabinets, and squeezes both of them inside. It's a tight fit but they somehow manage. They watch as the raider chops down cubicle walls, grabs an unlucky WORKER, and VOMITS BLACK OOZE into the worker's mouth. The worker shudders and then follows, enthralled. GREG We just have to hide until their requirements are met. Should only be a few hours. Days at most. He realizes, then, that Coralie's face is very close to his.
November 16, 2024 at 9:26 PM
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"Something Personal"

- Genre: Horror
- Takes place at a birthday party

#OnePageChallenge
INT. MASSIVE HOUSE - FRONT ROOM - DAY A harried-looking woman with dirty blonde hair, LISA, and her ten-year-old daughter PHOEBE, enter through the front door. LISA Say hello to Mrs. Steiner before… But Phoebe has already run towards the backyard, giggling. The hostess, CAROL STEINER, smiles with a knowing look. Lisa smiles back, a little sickly. A table off to one side catches her eye - it’s piled high with presents. She winces. LISA Oh god. We didn’t bring a present! CAROL Don’t worry! I know just the thing! She turns and shouts out into the yard. CAROL Katie, come here for a minute! KATIE skips inside and looks expectantly at her mother. CAROL What special gift can Mrs. Jackson give you for your birthday? KATIE I ran out of teeth for the tooth fairy, she’s gonna be real sad. CAROL Perfect! Go get mommy’s pliers! Katie grabs pliers from a drawer and holds them out. LISA What are you… CAROL You don’t want to ruin her day. Lisa hesitantly takes the pliers and PULLS on a tooth. It won’t budge, so she PULLS HARDER until, with a guttural scream, it pops out. Blood SPRAYS down the front of her top. CAROL One more, I think. Lisa spits a mouthful of blood and sets to work again.
November 11, 2024 at 11:26 PM
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"Passage"

- A business closes
- Each line of dialogue can only be five words or less

#OnePageChallenge
INT. UNDERGROUND STATION - NIGHT A vast echoing space, floors tiled and fixtures added last century, but still charming when the light is just so. WILLIAM runs stumbling to the ticket booth, suit tails flying out behind him, hair an electrocuted mess. He smacks palm-first into the counter where a bald man - the TICKET AGENT - ignores him behind frosted glass. WILLIAM (Panting) I need passage. Anywhere. Please. TICKET AGENT Sorry, sir. We just closed. WILLIAM But... you're still here? TICKET AGENT Just past the hour. Regulations! WILLIAM Can't you make an exception? TICKET AGENT I'm afraid not. Good night! The agent slams down his window cover and William jerks his hands away. He turns and stares out into the empty station. The shadows at the edge of the room seem deeper than before. Something moves in the depths. Human-shaped but not - furry arms and legs, glinting red eyes, A WHOLE CROWD OF THINGS. William moans in fear, looking for anything that might help. From off to one side, an unseen WOMAN whisper-shouts. WOMAN (O.S.) Hey! Over here! Hurry up! He turns and sees her - flowing red hair, torn dress cinched with a makeshift sword belt and scabbard: JOAN. She's standing in front of a strange opening - a cave mouth in the wall of the station, glowing with inner firelight. William hesitates only a moment, running inside after her. Behind them, the dark forms overtake the station.
October 18, 2024 at 8:12 AM
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"Late Night Visitor"

- Falling leaves
- Scene location is INT/EXT

#OnePageChallenge
INT./EXT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Behind a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, a room full of light-colored furniture gleams in the night. Outside, the yard is pitch black, trees rustling in the wind. A young woman wrapped in a fluffy robe, MONA, enters the living room, drying her long dark hair post-shower. She sits, back to the windows, scrolling on her phone. From behind her... movement in the dark. Someone KNOCKS on the window and Mona YELPS. It's a man, also young, grinning mischievously: ZACH. MONA What-- Zach?! You fucking weirdo! He steps back and beckons her outside, still grinning. MONA Absolutely not. He beckons again. MONA Nope. It's pajama time. GO HOME. He just stands there. Watching her. The wind picks up outside. A lot. Mona pulls her robe tighter as if feeling a chill. Leaves start falling from the trees, first in ones and twos, then in whole clouds, swirling down diagonally. Leaves land on Zach and disappear in a PUFF OF SMOKE. Mona backs away, but her phone RINGS and she SCREAMS. INSERT - PHONE SCREEN Zach, in a video call, his face BLOODY. ZACH MONA! I'll explain everything but you've got to stay inside, OK? Mona looks from her phone to the man outside, who raises his palms and starts SMOLDERING until he BURSTS INTO FLAMES.
October 18, 2024 at 8:10 AM
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A few recent one-page scripts I've written based on writing prompts from the Script Hive Discord server:

"Bird Call"

- At least four named characters

#OnePageChallenge
EXT. FOREST - DAY A man in weather-beaten clothes, HORACE, tightens the ropes tying a woman, GLORY, to a tree. She grunts, tries to flex, can't. Dark roots show in her unwashed blonde hair. Nearby another man clad in flannel, DONALD, lazily points a massive revolver in her general direction. He spits. DONALD Careful. This one bites. Horace flinches, checks the ropes, hastily steps back. HORACE Now what do we do? GLORY (Hoarse) Let me go. Please let me go. DONALD I will cut out your tongue and feed it to you. Don't make me. She makes a strangled noise and hunches into herself. DONALD We call home, dimwit. HORACE I don't want to. You can't. Donald grins, teeth crooked, holsters the gun, cups his hands around his mouth, and makes a trilling sound. A BIRD CALL. Horace lurches, coughs, then leans over, mouth open. His jaw strains wider. He moans. Something comes out between his lips. A BEAK. After the beak come eyes, body, glossy black feathers. A CROW slithers out and lands with a hop, ruffling its wings. GLORY (Shrill) Oh my god what the fuck! The crow, NEVILLE, has a surprisingly deep voice. NEVILLE Did you dickwads do like I said?
October 18, 2024 at 8:06 AM
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Quite the arc so far in December
A screenshot of my Letterboxd ratings for My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 (1.5 stars), The Harvey Girls (4 stars) and Poor Things (5 stars), the movies I’ve watched so far this December.
December 9, 2023 at 10:13 AM
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Half of the storage on my iPhone is just audiobooks
A screenshot of iPhone storage where 202.1gb is used, including 41.95gb of Audible, 26.9gb of Bound, 21.13gb of Libro.fm, 9.17gb of NetGalley and 7.31gb of Chirp, all of which are audiobooks.
July 22, 2023 at 8:02 PM
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I don't think she knows how to play the tuba
A woman in lingerie holds a tuba between her legs in a suggestive manner.
July 19, 2023 at 7:07 PM
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Just found the perfect gift for everyone I know
A Facebook ad for Temu showing a rather attractive statue of a snail with the face of an alien (from the movies of the same name)
July 10, 2023 at 3:43 AM
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By way of introduction, please accept this screenshot of my favorite panel from Ranma 1/2 (so far)
June 22, 2023 at 8:07 PM