Heather Marulli
@unrulymarulli.bsky.social
Standup, Writer, Busy Businesswoman. Seen on Comedy Central and Roast Battle 💅🔮
https://linktr.ee/unrulyheathermarulli
https://linktr.ee/unrulyheathermarulli
How are we possibly in national mourning over a podcaster who would say things like, “Enter code CHRISTISKING for 15% off your first order of Athletic Greens AG1?”
September 16, 2025 at 4:49 PM
How are we possibly in national mourning over a podcaster who would say things like, “Enter code CHRISTISKING for 15% off your first order of Athletic Greens AG1?”
Saw a parking enforcement officer parked on a red curb to pick up a Venti Caramel Frappuccino!!! I guess rules for me but not for thee!!!
September 13, 2025 at 5:04 AM
Saw a parking enforcement officer parked on a red curb to pick up a Venti Caramel Frappuccino!!! I guess rules for me but not for thee!!!
After Charlie Kirk, one thing we could do to prevent someone like him rising to prominence again is to make podcasting equipment prohibitively expensive. Tax microphones and Zoom recorders!!!
September 11, 2025 at 5:20 AM
After Charlie Kirk, one thing we could do to prevent someone like him rising to prominence again is to make podcasting equipment prohibitively expensive. Tax microphones and Zoom recorders!!!
I’m going to be doing my hour about getting hit by a car at Edinburgh Fringe this year!! I’ll be at Greenside George Street in Fern Studio. Start time is 18:40 PM and the show will run from August 11th to the 23rd (no show on the 17th). Please come or tell all of your UK friends to check it out!! 🚗🤕
July 16, 2025 at 9:51 PM
I’m going to be doing my hour about getting hit by a car at Edinburgh Fringe this year!! I’ll be at Greenside George Street in Fern Studio. Start time is 18:40 PM and the show will run from August 11th to the 23rd (no show on the 17th). Please come or tell all of your UK friends to check it out!! 🚗🤕
Yesterday was one of the saddest, most difficult days of my life. No, I will not be elaborating further.
July 2, 2025 at 8:03 PM
Yesterday was one of the saddest, most difficult days of my life. No, I will not be elaborating further.
Every time I get a cold I’ve forgotten how bad colds can feel. I hate not being able to breathe through my nose!! This is utter torture!
June 30, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Every time I get a cold I’ve forgotten how bad colds can feel. I hate not being able to breathe through my nose!! This is utter torture!
I’ve watched three documentaries about the OceanGate Titan implosion and I’ve concluded that Stockton Rush was like the Michael Scott of submersibles, but with even worse vibes!!
June 25, 2025 at 7:48 PM
I’ve watched three documentaries about the OceanGate Titan implosion and I’ve concluded that Stockton Rush was like the Michael Scott of submersibles, but with even worse vibes!!
Yes, I did bring a platter of frozen shrimp cocktail to work for lunch today. And what of it???
June 25, 2025 at 7:48 PM
Yes, I did bring a platter of frozen shrimp cocktail to work for lunch today. And what of it???
Make no mistake that what’s happening right now is domestic terrorism
June 15, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Make no mistake that what’s happening right now is domestic terrorism
An anonymous, faceless commenter bravely said that I need weight loss surgery. I’ll have you know that I’m nowhere near fat enough to qualify for that. I’ve checked!!
June 9, 2025 at 4:09 AM
An anonymous, faceless commenter bravely said that I need weight loss surgery. I’ll have you know that I’m nowhere near fat enough to qualify for that. I’ve checked!!
I've been suffering from horrific sciatic nerve pain the last five days or so (related to getting hit by a car last year) and yes, I would wish this on my worst enemy, especially the person who hit me with their car. It's very character building!!
June 4, 2025 at 7:17 PM
I've been suffering from horrific sciatic nerve pain the last five days or so (related to getting hit by a car last year) and yes, I would wish this on my worst enemy, especially the person who hit me with their car. It's very character building!!
We need to develop an official statute of limitations regarding the posting of movie spoilers. I propose three years. (I just heard a spoiler of a movie that came out almost exactly three years ago lol)
June 2, 2025 at 3:01 PM
We need to develop an official statute of limitations regarding the posting of movie spoilers. I propose three years. (I just heard a spoiler of a movie that came out almost exactly three years ago lol)
I want Nathan Fielder to fly me to Denver next month for my high school reunion
May 28, 2025 at 2:22 PM
I want Nathan Fielder to fly me to Denver next month for my high school reunion
I’m going to my high school reunion and I need to think of a more believable lie than "I invented Post-Its"
May 24, 2025 at 10:39 PM
I’m going to my high school reunion and I need to think of a more believable lie than "I invented Post-Its"
A MESSAGE TO MY ONLINE HATERS
May 14, 2025 at 9:22 PM
A MESSAGE TO MY ONLINE HATERS
RECESSION INDICATOR: just logged into my eBay account for the first time in YEARS
May 6, 2025 at 10:21 PM
RECESSION INDICATOR: just logged into my eBay account for the first time in YEARS
People who say “Happy Friday” with sincerity are our strongest soldiers
May 2, 2025 at 8:52 PM
People who say “Happy Friday” with sincerity are our strongest soldiers
Knocked over a potted plant, had a cranefly fly into my window while driving to work, and dropped my AirPods underneath a parked car all before 10 AM. Girl boss!!
April 30, 2025 at 6:29 PM
Knocked over a potted plant, had a cranefly fly into my window while driving to work, and dropped my AirPods underneath a parked car all before 10 AM. Girl boss!!
Pope Francis lived exactly long enough to be able to tell JD Vance that he's a bad person. Thank you, Francis
April 25, 2025 at 12:44 AM
Pope Francis lived exactly long enough to be able to tell JD Vance that he's a bad person. Thank you, Francis
Annual reminder that several people who bullied me are no longer with us (I didn’t do it)
April 24, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Annual reminder that several people who bullied me are no longer with us (I didn’t do it)
Word on the streets of the Vatican is that JD Vance is the Anti-Christ.
April 22, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Word on the streets of the Vatican is that JD Vance is the Anti-Christ.
I too would keel over if I had to interact with JD Vance
April 21, 2025 at 5:59 PM
I too would keel over if I had to interact with JD Vance
It's crazy to see someone you used to do open mics with fall down the right wing grifter pipeline and then post a long diatribe about how "Fox News is too woke" because they got fired for sexual harassment. You know it’s bad when Fox News is taking it seriously!!
April 19, 2025 at 4:33 AM
It's crazy to see someone you used to do open mics with fall down the right wing grifter pipeline and then post a long diatribe about how "Fox News is too woke" because they got fired for sexual harassment. You know it’s bad when Fox News is taking it seriously!!
I think I finally got the ick over my ex. He posted about his “birthday shenanigans” and I simply don’t think that a 43-year-old man should be engaging in shenanigans, birthday or not!!
April 15, 2025 at 10:52 PM
I think I finally got the ick over my ex. He posted about his “birthday shenanigans” and I simply don’t think that a 43-year-old man should be engaging in shenanigans, birthday or not!!
SPOTTED: mailman vaping in mail truck on Olympic in Beverly Hills
April 15, 2025 at 10:51 PM
SPOTTED: mailman vaping in mail truck on Olympic in Beverly Hills