Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
@unclemike.bsky.social
Proud guncle and dog dad. Software engineer, baker and fine wine drinker.
Came for the politics, stayed for the shitposts.
Chicago is home.
Came for the politics, stayed for the shitposts.
Chicago is home.
Pinned
Henceforth I will no longer respond to the term “dad bod”. I feel “father figure” is more my speed.
When I asked the universe for fuller, thicker hair I wasn’t talking about my eyebrows!!!
April 13, 2025 at 5:14 PM
When I asked the universe for fuller, thicker hair I wasn’t talking about my eyebrows!!!
You know things are screwed when you go to the store to buy your weed and then get your eggs from the lady down the street who raises the chickens herself?
April 12, 2025 at 3:51 PM
You know things are screwed when you go to the store to buy your weed and then get your eggs from the lady down the street who raises the chickens herself?
Love a one stop shop.
☕️🍾🧴
☕️🍾🧴
March 25, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Love a one stop shop.
☕️🍾🧴
☕️🍾🧴
We’re about to find out Rock Bottom has a basement.
March 8, 2025 at 8:18 PM
We’re about to find out Rock Bottom has a basement.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
When you give up on trying to fold fitted sheets.
March 7, 2025 at 3:29 PM
When you give up on trying to fold fitted sheets.
Woke up this morning and checked and my Fucks-to-Give account still has a zero balance.
March 6, 2025 at 1:54 PM
Woke up this morning and checked and my Fucks-to-Give account still has a zero balance.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
If you think getting 0 likes is gonna stop me from posting, I've got news for you.
January 4, 2025 at 1:10 PM
If you think getting 0 likes is gonna stop me from posting, I've got news for you.
*yelling at my partner for leaving on the stove*
Me: you almost burned the house down!
6yo godson: boots!!!
And that’s where Xmas dinner went off the rails.
Me: you almost burned the house down!
6yo godson: boots!!!
And that’s where Xmas dinner went off the rails.
December 31, 2024 at 1:32 AM
*yelling at my partner for leaving on the stove*
Me: you almost burned the house down!
6yo godson: boots!!!
And that’s where Xmas dinner went off the rails.
Me: you almost burned the house down!
6yo godson: boots!!!
And that’s where Xmas dinner went off the rails.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
It takes skill to be this terrible at life.
December 29, 2024 at 1:54 PM
It takes skill to be this terrible at life.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
No, YOU put your phone down and spend time with my family!
December 24, 2024 at 12:58 PM
No, YOU put your phone down and spend time with my family!
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
*pushes your ugly baby out of the way to pet your dog*
December 20, 2024 at 7:26 PM
*pushes your ugly baby out of the way to pet your dog*
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Ended a relationship today. Don’t worry, it wasn’t mine.
December 20, 2024 at 7:25 PM
Ended a relationship today. Don’t worry, it wasn’t mine.
At the casino and my slot machine is just not hitting. But the 70-year-old couple next to me and is having a very loud argument about how she doesn’t wanna make sex tapes anymore, so I’m not going anywhere.
December 20, 2024 at 5:31 PM
At the casino and my slot machine is just not hitting. But the 70-year-old couple next to me and is having a very loud argument about how she doesn’t wanna make sex tapes anymore, so I’m not going anywhere.
I started with nothing. And now I’m proud to say I still have most of it left.
December 18, 2024 at 8:25 PM
I started with nothing. And now I’m proud to say I still have most of it left.
Nothing makes you feel old quite like finding out that your childhood toys are now considered vintage collectibles.
December 18, 2024 at 6:46 PM
Nothing makes you feel old quite like finding out that your childhood toys are now considered vintage collectibles.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me
December 18, 2024 at 3:13 PM
Not being able to teleport is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Don’t worry, Mitch McConnell, we haven’t forgotten that most of this is your fault.
November 18, 2024 at 3:03 PM
Don’t worry, Mitch McConnell, we haven’t forgotten that most of this is your fault.
*setting up a b/t enabled water bottle that monitors how much you drink and constantly reminds you when you need to drink water*
App Setup: “Please name your bottle”
Types: Mom
App Setup: “Please name your bottle”
Types: Mom
December 13, 2024 at 1:05 AM
*setting up a b/t enabled water bottle that monitors how much you drink and constantly reminds you when you need to drink water*
App Setup: “Please name your bottle”
Types: Mom
App Setup: “Please name your bottle”
Types: Mom
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
Went to a Catholic wedding and I became a born again atheist.
December 10, 2024 at 11:40 AM
Went to a Catholic wedding and I became a born again atheist.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
You will never lick a boot so well and so often that they let you take a turn wearing it.
December 10, 2024 at 5:05 PM
You will never lick a boot so well and so often that they let you take a turn wearing it.
Reposted by Uncle Mike 🦋🏳️🌈
out-uncle all the uncles by driving your buick skylark straight into a mcdonald’s restaurant & then ask the first person you see if you’re in taco bell
December 9, 2024 at 2:03 PM
out-uncle all the uncles by driving your buick skylark straight into a mcdonald’s restaurant & then ask the first person you see if you’re in taco bell
Someone suggested that when I fumble with words, to just say “I don’t remember the word in English”. That way I sound bilingual instead of stupid.
December 9, 2024 at 5:50 PM
Someone suggested that when I fumble with words, to just say “I don’t remember the word in English”. That way I sound bilingual instead of stupid.