Old Tom Gin
@tshy125.bsky.social
6-8 reposts of the best jokes I see on here every Wednesday. Like clockwork when I get to the bar.
Pinned
Old Tom Gin
@tshy125.bsky.social
· Nov 27
At a wedding, I begin clinking a glass with my fork from the time I sit down until I’m thrown bloody and screaming into the back of a police wagon.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
the existence of zebras implies the existence of zetitties
November 26, 2025 at 1:50 AM
the existence of zebras implies the existence of zetitties
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
You know what food I hate? Your personal favourite food. Inedible garbage.
November 25, 2025 at 9:48 PM
You know what food I hate? Your personal favourite food. Inedible garbage.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
November 24, 2025 at 2:53 PM
it’s all downhill once you get bumped up from the kid’s table at thanksgiving
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
I love those biscuit tubes that pop when you unwrap them. Brings a sense of danger and unpredictability to the holidays. Like the champagne bottles of baked goods
November 23, 2025 at 9:17 PM
I love those biscuit tubes that pop when you unwrap them. Brings a sense of danger and unpredictability to the holidays. Like the champagne bottles of baked goods
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
November 22, 2025 at 5:02 PM
"Lunchables" is a good name because it doesn't make any grandiose claims: "This is able to be eaten as lunch."
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
when I was young, i used to wonder how people like this would fare in life, as they didn't seem suited for gainful employment. it turns out, the internet allowed them to accumulate a massive audience of similar idiots, enriching them and turning them into a presidential advisor
November 20, 2025 at 12:58 AM
when I was young, i used to wonder how people like this would fare in life, as they didn't seem suited for gainful employment. it turns out, the internet allowed them to accumulate a massive audience of similar idiots, enriching them and turning them into a presidential advisor
BREAKING NEWS: MS NOW EXCLUSIVE | Trump is weighing the ouster of Kash Patel, according to sources.
READ MORE HERE: www.ms.now/news/trump-k...
READ MORE HERE: www.ms.now/news/trump-k...
November 25, 2025 at 11:17 PM
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend
November 19, 2025 at 2:13 AM
It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
my kid showing me a "funny" tiktok
June 6, 2024 at 1:09 AM
my kid showing me a "funny" tiktok
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
The fuck was up with this asshole? All he did was walk around and tip his hat a bunch of times. The talent booker at the Babylon shoulda been shot too…
November 13, 2025 at 2:38 AM
The fuck was up with this asshole? All he did was walk around and tip his hat a bunch of times. The talent booker at the Babylon shoulda been shot too…
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
thinking about how i get anxious writing emails because i don't want to sound like a moron while larry summers is apparently typing emails like this:
u kno she dint want to talk tomorrow. make me bad pheel.
u kno she dint want to talk tomorrow. make me bad pheel.
November 13, 2025 at 1:38 AM
thinking about how i get anxious writing emails because i don't want to sound like a moron while larry summers is apparently typing emails like this:
u kno she dint want to talk tomorrow. make me bad pheel.
u kno she dint want to talk tomorrow. make me bad pheel.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
November 10, 2025 at 6:57 PM
[movie studio]
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
ME: BUT HOW DOES THE INVISIBLE MAN KNOW WHEN TO STOP WIPING?
TOUR GUIDE: *into walkie talkie* code orange, he’s back.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
We gotta have a clear term for people so cynical they become gullible.
November 12, 2025 at 4:55 PM
We gotta have a clear term for people so cynical they become gullible.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
July 1, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Stages of life:
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
1. Birth
2. You gotta be fucking kidding me
3. Death
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Breaking news: scientists discovered that we’ve actually run out of numbers. “We’re fucked” said one mathematician
November 9, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Breaking news: scientists discovered that we’ve actually run out of numbers. “We’re fucked” said one mathematician
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
[slamming my hands down on the desk of the President of Universal Pictures]
Fast. Frankensteins.
Fast. Frankensteins.
November 8, 2025 at 2:41 AM
[slamming my hands down on the desk of the President of Universal Pictures]
Fast. Frankensteins.
Fast. Frankensteins.
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
November 8, 2025 at 1:45 AM
SOCRATES: No god is a philosopher or seeker after wisdom, for he is wise already; nor does any man who is wise seek after wisdom.
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
PLATO: Neither do the ignorant seek after wisdom.
DARRYL, SOCRATES AND PLATO’S FRIEND: well well well if it isn’t the blowjob brothers
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Would be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
June 11, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Would be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Jesus: *picks up bread* This is my body
Jesus: *picks up mary magdeline* This is my biiiiiiitch
Jesus: *picks up mary magdeline* This is my biiiiiiitch
October 29, 2025 at 7:06 PM
Jesus: *picks up bread* This is my body
Jesus: *picks up mary magdeline* This is my biiiiiiitch
Jesus: *picks up mary magdeline* This is my biiiiiiitch
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
in 40 years you’ll have a doctor named tyler tell you you’re cooked
November 2, 2025 at 2:23 AM
in 40 years you’ll have a doctor named tyler tell you you’re cooked
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
[an awkward minute passes as Death struggles to pick up change from the countertop]
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
September 17, 2023 at 2:53 PM
[an awkward minute passes as Death struggles to pick up change from the countertop]
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
Death: (embarrassed) ha ha slippery coins
Drugstore Clerk: nah man it’s cuz you got them bone hands
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
yes I’m talking to myself in public
guess what
it’s legal move along
guess what
it’s legal move along
October 31, 2025 at 6:15 PM
yes I’m talking to myself in public
guess what
it’s legal move along
guess what
it’s legal move along
Reposted by Old Tom Gin
Hello kids. Great costumes. You can have boring regular candy or, in exchange for a small fee, you can invest in something I'm calling Candy Premium, an AI-enabled solution that
November 1, 2025 at 12:18 AM
Hello kids. Great costumes. You can have boring regular candy or, in exchange for a small fee, you can invest in something I'm calling Candy Premium, an AI-enabled solution that