I’m an adult but I can’t remember to brush my teeth every day.

My flavor of mental unwellness is not “are you mad at me?”, it’s “I know you’re mad at me and I don’t know how to fix it.”

I’m an adult but… I still think I can eat a taco in the car, while driving, and not spill shit on myself.

Who needs a therapist when you can have entire conversations, back and forth, in your head.

Today’s existential crisis. I’m almost 40. Kids are in school. I can’t stay home anymore. My work history is abysmal and pathetic. I bring nothing to the table, except for buckets of anxiety and smut recommendations. No skills. Can’t fake it. I’m too judgy to work at McD but the kid needs braces.

We coulda had Kamala 🥲

Have kids so they can look at you in the morning and say “What the fuck are you wearing, Mom?” and continue on their way. She’s my spicy meatball.

Who knew being an adult meant I could sit on my ass eating ice cream, watching The Night Agent and dissociating at 9:00 in the morning.

My parents think Trump was kidding when he said he was going to rename the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Oh, he’s just got such a tremendous sense of humor! I cannot believe these people raised me.

happy solstice. the light returns even as the cold sets in. there is always a space between cause and effect. we cannot reap seeds freshly sown.

When you get to a certain age, don’t look up the ages of the sitcom moms you grew up with. Trust me on this one.

I’ve moved from rug washing videos for self soothing to watching barnacles get popped off turtles.

Political beliefs are not a spectrum, they’re a circle.

Unless the price is good, right Jerry?

I love my middle school musicals with a healthy side of fat jokes. #willywonkamusical #maintenancephase

I feel compelled to fact check everything my parents throw at me but every source I have they refute as biased. It feels helpless but coming back with facts makes me feel like I have control.

I need a podcast called Well, Actually. We get to send all the wild shit the conservatives believe/newest conspiracy bullshit du jour and someone like Robert Evans says “Well, actually…” @coolzonemedia.bsky.social

I just watched thirty minutes of rugs being washed, if anyone is wondering what my capacity to be human right now is.