literally Jews

I just laughed so hard it woke harry

But now I have to brush up on coping strategies/interventions for PTSD. I refuse to let something like that happen again. With the gutting of US health institutions and credibility, I foresee a minefield of triggers in my future. I owe it to my loved ones and patients to fix it. I owe it to myself.

Seeing me have this obvious emotional reaction was not something they expected. I may be embarrassed, but they were just worried about me. Ultimately, I compartmentalized once again and succeeded in helping the patient, which is the most important thing here. I'm glad I was able to do that.

Again, I didn't do anything with consequences, except maybe my coworkers thinking I'm dramatic. But that's the thing. They didn't. Because I'm not. I'm known for my patience, my ability to push through difficulties and be proactive and creative to achieve a goal.

And then I almost quit. Instead I took about two minutes to go have a breakdown and came back to work, got some help, and got it done. Patient thanked me. But I was still very much not okay, physically or mentally. I feel better now, but I am ashamed at how out of control I felt, however briefly.

Basically-- a COVID patient a) didn't believe in COVID and b) had trouble handling getting bloodwork done. I was unsuccessful. I told them we would figure it out, and then I left the room and was Not Okay. I was immediately crying. I told the PA the patient simply would not be getting bloodwork.

I thought I understood PTSD given that I have CPTSD. I was wrong. I have only ever experienced something akin to this once, but it was more a reminder of COVID making me anxious, not what I felt this week. Like, I knew I didn't have PTSD. And I didn't until I was a COVID nurse within 3 miles of NYC.