🛠️ R&D update: 42% of our steam trains have been successful converted into 'scream trains'. These models benefit both commuters and the environment:

✔️ No more nasty fossil fuels
✔️ Scream if you want to go faster!
✔️ Noise pollution > Regular pollution
✔️ Lung exercise

😱🛤️💪

The 08:91 service to Somewhere Over The Rainbow has been cancelled. This is because we couldn't figure out how to go over the rainbow, only underneath it. 🌈🚊

The 11:03 service to North Southshire has been delayed by up to 6 months. This is due to spiders. 🕷️🚉

It has come to our attention that a number of commuters have been spelling Transient Rail as Transyent Rale. After much research into the matter, it turns out both we and the commuters were wrong: the correct spelling is Transeant Rahle.

⚠️Important Safety Announcement:

Please do not. If you were going to, think again. If you have never, continue as you were. If you already have, please experience remorse. 🚝

The 99:99 to 99999999999999999 has been delayed by 99 minutes. This is due to a piece of toast getting stuck under the 9 key on an operator's keyboard.

Travel Update: The 08:17 to Glibsdale-On-Twix has arrived before leaving the previous station. It is now both at its next and prior stop. How's that for efficiency? 💪🚂

The 11:123 to Ipswich has been delayed by 24 minutes. This is due to a signalling box becoming too embarrassed to function correctly. 😳🚊

The fast-service to Jupiter's Northernmost Point is still going ahead. There aren't any rails to get there, and it would be highly unlikely to find a station present in this location, but we're going to have a crack at it anyway. Book now to avoid disappointment. 🔴🛤️

The 16:51 to Burlington, Vermont has been delayed indefinitely because such a train service never existed and never will so stop asking. ❌😤🚊

If you were to take all the trains in our network and lay them end-to-end, that would be really annoying and we'd have to put them back on tracks.

Please don't do that. 😤🚂

Safety Reminder: Do not give him your ticket.

If you've been affected by a delay and would like to claim compensation, you may be entitled.

Don't hate us because we're right. 🤙🚊

Please be aware: the 'Any Drink' function on a platform vending machine will dispense a 330ml can of a particular liquid present in a known reality*.

This may include those you do not like (e.g. coke zero), and those for which you have yet to discover a passion (e.g. the blood of an aged goblin).

The 17:10 to New Hamptonshonshiresmouth has been delayed by ten minutes because we're not sure if that's a real place. 🤷‍♂️🚊

We're happy to confirm that we will not be integrating A.I. into any of our trains at this time. Not because we don't believe in rapacious technologies — but because the ghosts trapped in our network wouldn't let us do it. Damn ghosts! 👻🚊