Actual Swamp Witch
@ticklemekelmo.bsky.social
internationally ranked rascal
low production-value shark attack movie enthusiast
low production-value shark attack movie enthusiast
other than the way i behave constantly i’m actually a super reasonable person
September 29, 2025 at 6:20 AM
other than the way i behave constantly i’m actually a super reasonable person
this genre of post is always so vague, yet so specific “studies show ppl who are always late have the most symmetrical ball sacks” or w/e
September 13, 2025 at 11:16 AM
this genre of post is always so vague, yet so specific “studies show ppl who are always late have the most symmetrical ball sacks” or w/e
been referring to my delusions as “The Kelseyverse” lately, surprisingly helpful communication tool
September 13, 2025 at 8:01 AM
been referring to my delusions as “The Kelseyverse” lately, surprisingly helpful communication tool
temu push notifications
August 10, 2025 at 2:05 AM
temu push notifications
shampoo for my real friends, real poo for my sham friends
August 10, 2025 at 12:19 AM
shampoo for my real friends, real poo for my sham friends
lots of suspiciously affordable temu flamethrowers in my ads lately, an omen
July 23, 2025 at 8:05 AM
lots of suspiciously affordable temu flamethrowers in my ads lately, an omen
u introducing your non binary friend: their pronouns are they/them
me: that’s what they want you to think
me: that’s what they want you to think
June 28, 2025 at 2:31 AM
u introducing your non binary friend: their pronouns are they/them
me: that’s what they want you to think
me: that’s what they want you to think
me on mother’s day without a mom vs me on father’s day without a dad
June 16, 2025 at 10:06 PM
me on mother’s day without a mom vs me on father’s day without a dad
actually hilarious how effective peer pressure is on me, my friend will be like “c’man” and i be like “damn u right, omw”
June 15, 2025 at 6:52 AM
actually hilarious how effective peer pressure is on me, my friend will be like “c’man” and i be like “damn u right, omw”
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
(Strolling into a village under siege) You guys could surely use a trickster spirit to brighten things up a bit
June 12, 2025 at 2:32 AM
(Strolling into a village under siege) You guys could surely use a trickster spirit to brighten things up a bit
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
Can somebody bring me a roll of toilet paper?
May 13, 2025 at 5:45 PM
Can somebody bring me a roll of toilet paper?
guy interviewing george foreman: please explain this gap in ur resume
george foreman: ahh, i was just grillin
george foreman: ahh, i was just grillin
May 27, 2025 at 9:04 AM
guy interviewing george foreman: please explain this gap in ur resume
george foreman: ahh, i was just grillin
george foreman: ahh, i was just grillin
bluesky is dying? do we apologize to jeremy renner? was his app simply ahead of its time?
May 27, 2025 at 8:22 AM
bluesky is dying? do we apologize to jeremy renner? was his app simply ahead of its time?
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
Bluesky is dying because you won’t repost my shit.
May 27, 2025 at 5:40 AM
Bluesky is dying because you won’t repost my shit.
there should be a 😎 emoji that is also smoking a cig
May 2, 2025 at 3:39 AM
there should be a 😎 emoji that is also smoking a cig
“Most students cannot pass my class” like ok? relax ur my scuba instructor not a troll bridge lmfao
April 26, 2025 at 4:11 AM
“Most students cannot pass my class” like ok? relax ur my scuba instructor not a troll bridge lmfao
that gibbous waxed as hell tn
April 13, 2025 at 4:30 AM
that gibbous waxed as hell tn
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
I followed you because I heard you re-skeet anything
April 13, 2025 at 4:27 AM
I followed you because I heard you re-skeet anything
treating myself to some wet grapes on a paper towel
April 11, 2025 at 12:13 AM
treating myself to some wet grapes on a paper towel
first dude to ever high five his buddy was probably low key annoyed when it caught on
March 28, 2025 at 3:44 AM
first dude to ever high five his buddy was probably low key annoyed when it caught on
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
do you think hellboy’s thang is rocket red or more of like a burgundy
March 27, 2025 at 2:18 AM
do you think hellboy’s thang is rocket red or more of like a burgundy
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
*dropping an Alka-Seltzer into the bong*
March 25, 2025 at 8:36 PM
*dropping an Alka-Seltzer into the bong*
Reposted by Actual Swamp Witch
Emma Frost: You shan’t take the bird girl, Captain Ameriblah!
Steve Rogers: …are you drunk?
Emma Frost: I did a bunch of coke after taking all those shots, they cancel each other out, it’s fine.
Steve Rogers: …are you drunk?
Emma Frost: I did a bunch of coke after taking all those shots, they cancel each other out, it’s fine.
March 26, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Emma Frost: You shan’t take the bird girl, Captain Ameriblah!
Steve Rogers: …are you drunk?
Emma Frost: I did a bunch of coke after taking all those shots, they cancel each other out, it’s fine.
Steve Rogers: …are you drunk?
Emma Frost: I did a bunch of coke after taking all those shots, they cancel each other out, it’s fine.