I'll be happy to just frame my diploma and put it up on the wall somewhere.

He also likes to throw knives at his enemies, I thought that was enough to make his name a fitting one for a cat.

His name is Diego. He's named after the character from The Umbrella Academy, not the Argentinian footballer.

'Tis the season. I'll take mine with chocolate whipped cream, marshmallows, and a Cadbury's Flake.

My work here is done. I hope your tres leches cake is delicious and brings you much joy. And happy upcoming birthday to you.

It's just a shame it's not a cake that would ship well.

You can do it that way, although it's not as much fun.

Believe it or not, the only tools I used to decorate it were a rolling pin, a ruler, and a sharp knife.

I can do you one better, here's the recipe for the sausage rolls and the relish. open.substack.com/pub/wonkette...

The "relish" is basically a savoury jam. It's finely chopped caramelised onion and smoked bacon, with bourbon added. You flambé once the bourbon is in, then add a little balsamic vinegar, and cook until it has a sticky, jam-like consistency.