I have a signet ring with my family crest. When I wear it down so that you can see it, it means I am single. If I wear it facing me it means I am married. I have not married my fiancee yet but on the shoulders I have a wolf and an elephant. When I marry her the elephant will be seen easier.

My pages were stolen today.

"If they had been maybe 200 feet higher and the other 200 feet lower maybe this wouldn't have happened."
No condolences to the families, just him proving what a gobsmacking dipshit he is.

have reached the point in Orwell's 1984 where the dear leader can say absolutely any lie at all and every single one of the fuckleberries who voted for this moron will think this is something real.

Okay, it was cheat day and I ate the Haagan daz.

Had wonderful bday dinner with darling and friends.

Birthday prezzies.

I hit the 53 orbit around this star today. I felt this old when I was 19 so there isn't much to it except my vision and hearing suck something awful.

This really nailed it.

I am a blasphemer because it's always funny.