On top of it, these chest pains that keep coming around randomly are getting a little worrying. I think they might be stress induced but I don't know anymore. Maybe it's just part of the suffering that I need to endure. Who knows anymore. It feels like the walls are caving in more and more each day.

I just really hate the idea of having to wait so long for answers. The unknown scares me more than anything. I go to bed full of so much anxiety and fear, I've cried more lately than I think I have my entire life. I hate that I'm such a fucking selfish piece of shit. I feel like I deserve everything

Also not a huge fan of the pain I've developed on the left side of my chest over the last 24 hours 🙃

I am confident things will change for the better eventually and that they'll go back to normal eventually. I know I could be super wrong but I do have a lot of hope, even if it means I have to suffer for the foreseeable future. Thank you to anyone that's reached out. It truly means a lot to me. ❤️

I honestly really want to but I think for the most part those would also both be career-enders for me :(

I'm willing to give everything to fix everything but I'm just so scared that won't be enough now. I'm scared I've done too much damage, and I know that only time and consistency will tell but everything truly feels hopeless now. Like a nightmare that I'm living in daily and that I can't wake up from

I feel I've just ruined everything. Everything feels so wrong and I feel like such a huge fuck up. So many issues that could have been fixed had I just taken the time to realize that the problem has always been me, and now I'm about to lose what feels like everything I care about. I'm very not okay.

Honestly this is probably the lowest lows I've ever felt in my life. Entirely due to my choices, and things continue to get worse due to my choices. I'm making steps in the right direction but it doesn't matter when I make negative decisions that just make things significantly worse.

Just dealing with consequences and emotions that are just very hard to process and work through. Thank you, Angle ❤️

Thank you, Dingo. Hope you're doing well, miss ya

I also learned to count here

www.twitch.tv/thereedyrain...