Ian B
@theadmiral.bsky.social
For best results, pan-fry.
🏳️🌈 bi
🤯 ADHD-I
👋 they/them/he/him
📍 London
spoonrage.com
🏳️🌈 bi
🤯 ADHD-I
👋 they/them/he/him
📍 London
spoonrage.com
Pinned
Reposted by Ian B
![1
Nurse:
It’s become a real problem in this area
2
Nurse:
We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction
3
Show a building sign posted:
Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic
With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it
Nurse:
Ministers, Spads, Researchers…
4
Nurse:
Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely
[Nurse on phone taking a call]
Ok - we’ll be right over
5
Nurse:
We just have a gentle chat
[Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster
Minister:
I understand your concerns…
6
Nurse:
Are you OK love?
Minister:
Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters
7
Nurse:
That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian
[Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters]
Nurse 2:
Give us your phone, love
8
Nurse:
At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to
[We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.]
9
Minister:
YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR
[woman looks baffled]
10
woman:
I just want a bus service
Minister:
LOOK AT MY FLAG
[produces a St George's flag]
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreicahofq6s4xow7vowj7dx6odw6ejdwr4kwcmzta7qwi4hg2nvywji@jpeg)
Can anyone tell me whether it’s Black Friday?
November 28, 2025 at 11:24 AM
Can anyone tell me whether it’s Black Friday?
Reposted by Ian B
Black Friday is great for unsubscribing from marketing lists, because they all email you at the same time.
November 29, 2024 at 10:02 AM
Black Friday is great for unsubscribing from marketing lists, because they all email you at the same time.
Reposted by Ian B
Honestly sometimes I wish I could *forget* I’m a womble
February 22, 2025 at 9:07 PM
Honestly sometimes I wish I could *forget* I’m a womble
*Is that a real train?* Many cinemagoers feel the train is going to come out of the screen, killing us all.
November 27, 2025 at 11:27 AM
*Is that a real train?* Many cinemagoers feel the train is going to come out of the screen, killing us all.
"We want the whole team to make graphics. Design tools are too complex, so we're getting the whole team onto Canva!"
👇
[The whole team realises there's more to good design than simple tools]
👇
"Designer, can you make this look good?"
👇
[Designers everywhere fighting Canva to do design]
👇
[The whole team realises there's more to good design than simple tools]
👇
"Designer, can you make this look good?"
👇
[Designers everywhere fighting Canva to do design]
November 26, 2025 at 11:50 AM
"We want the whole team to make graphics. Design tools are too complex, so we're getting the whole team onto Canva!"
👇
[The whole team realises there's more to good design than simple tools]
👇
"Designer, can you make this look good?"
👇
[Designers everywhere fighting Canva to do design]
👇
[The whole team realises there's more to good design than simple tools]
👇
"Designer, can you make this look good?"
👇
[Designers everywhere fighting Canva to do design]
Singing Paste and Match Style to the tune of Papa Don't Preach
November 25, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Singing Paste and Match Style to the tune of Papa Don't Preach
A game rating system where the game always gets a 7 but the maximum it could be out of is variable. Good game? 7/8. Bad game? 7/34.
November 24, 2025 at 8:35 PM
A game rating system where the game always gets a 7 but the maximum it could be out of is variable. Good game? 7/8. Bad game? 7/34.
My Apple Watch has an ambient volume monitoring feature called Environmental Sound Measurements, which lets me know if I’m using a hand-dryer.
November 24, 2025 at 4:50 PM
My Apple Watch has an ambient volume monitoring feature called Environmental Sound Measurements, which lets me know if I’m using a hand-dryer.
Engineer who spent the last month moving services from AWS to Cloudflare: well shit
November 18, 2025 at 12:50 PM
Engineer who spent the last month moving services from AWS to Cloudflare: well shit
The great thing about the architecture of the internet is that you can have multiple single points of failure
November 18, 2025 at 12:38 PM
The great thing about the architecture of the internet is that you can have multiple single points of failure
Centrism
November 15, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Centrism
My favourite thing is when your janky in-app notification I didn’t ask for blocks me from using your app’s navigation
November 10, 2025 at 11:29 AM
My favourite thing is when your janky in-app notification I didn’t ask for blocks me from using your app’s navigation
Reposted by Ian B
Got these new trainers today but I can't get it out of my head that they look like fuckin DC Tosh Lines from The Bill
November 9, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Got these new trainers today but I can't get it out of my head that they look like fuckin DC Tosh Lines from The Bill
If R4 think Zohran’s policies are radical leftism they’re going to lose their shit when they hear about the NHS
BBC Radio 4 this morning joined Trump in describing Zohran Mamdani as a "radical leftist".
November 5, 2025 at 9:29 AM
If R4 think Zohran’s policies are radical leftism they’re going to lose their shit when they hear about the NHS
November 4, 2025 at 8:56 AM
Hey girl you must be the Overton Window because every time I look at you, you shift to the right
October 30, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Hey girl you must be the Overton Window because every time I look at you, you shift to the right
Before witness protection schemes, all they had were signs saying Keep Off The Grass
October 26, 2025 at 4:21 PM
Before witness protection schemes, all they had were signs saying Keep Off The Grass
Reposted by Ian B
I'm sure I can script that up, yeah, kinda works
October 21, 2025 at 10:18 AM
I'm sure I can script that up, yeah, kinda works
Reposted by Ian B
Finding it vaguely amusing as a headline format, apologising to Jeremy Corbyn before making whatever point you want to make
October 21, 2025 at 10:16 AM
Finding it vaguely amusing as a headline format, apologising to Jeremy Corbyn before making whatever point you want to make
Sometimes being a good friend is taking a few moments out of your day to delete the tracking variables at the end of the seventh link you’ve whatsapped them today
October 17, 2025 at 1:40 PM
Sometimes being a good friend is taking a few moments out of your day to delete the tracking variables at the end of the seventh link you’ve whatsapped them today
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
Teach three men to fish and they start a podcast called 'The Art of Fish: Diary of a High-Performance Fishtech Leader'
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
Teach three men to fish and they start a podcast called 'The Art of Fish: Diary of a High-Performance Fishtech Leader'
October 17, 2025 at 11:18 AM
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
Teach three men to fish and they start a podcast called 'The Art of Fish: Diary of a High-Performance Fishtech Leader'
Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime
Teach three men to fish and they start a podcast called 'The Art of Fish: Diary of a High-Performance Fishtech Leader'
Reposted by Ian B
The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.
October 16, 2025 at 8:58 PM
The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.
Reposted by Ian B
Post your most unopinionated hinge
October 15, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Post your most unopinionated hinge