Mario Kart Garfunkel
@thatsamorey.bsky.social
The world’s gonna kick you either way
@profanity.accountant am I on the naughty or nice list this year?
November 29, 2025 at 12:36 AM
@profanity.accountant am I on the naughty or nice list this year?
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
Big day for guys who will ask their family if they saw the FB meme they shared that was something like, “Couldn’t make a thanksgiving meal this year… my turkey identified as pardoned!!!!“
November 23, 2023 at 7:38 PM
Big day for guys who will ask their family if they saw the FB meme they shared that was something like, “Couldn’t make a thanksgiving meal this year… my turkey identified as pardoned!!!!“
MARK ZUCKERBERG [coming home late]: Oh, you’re still up? Everything okay?
MARK’S WIFE [silently watching The Social Network]: It’s fine.
MARK’S WIFE [silently watching The Social Network]: It’s fine.
November 26, 2025 at 9:48 PM
MARK ZUCKERBERG [coming home late]: Oh, you’re still up? Everything okay?
MARK’S WIFE [silently watching The Social Network]: It’s fine.
MARK’S WIFE [silently watching The Social Network]: It’s fine.
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
🚨 BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all NYC students to carry a 3DS.
November 26, 2025 at 9:02 PM
🚨 BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all NYC students to carry a 3DS.
If you overheard John Mulaney and Don Knotts arguing in another room you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s who
November 25, 2025 at 11:16 PM
If you overheard John Mulaney and Don Knotts arguing in another room you wouldn’t be able to tell who’s who
Is he strong? Listen, BUD. This guy’s got radioactive fucking blood. You better believe he’s strong.
November 24, 2025 at 12:45 PM
Is he strong? Listen, BUD. This guy’s got radioactive fucking blood. You better believe he’s strong.
“Wouldst thou like the taste of butter?”
if you were gonna get a tramp stamp of a line from a horror movie what would you get?
November 23, 2025 at 2:51 PM
“Wouldst thou like the taste of butter?”
However much you hate this man, it’s not enough.
Breaking News: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. said he personally instructed the CDC to abandon its position that vaccines do not cause autism. The move underscores his determination to challenge scientific orthodoxy — in this case, that vaccines save lives — and bend the health department to his will.
RFK Jr. Says He Instructed CDC to Change Vaccines and Autism Language on Website
In an interview, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. cited gaps in vaccine safety research. His critics say he is ignoring a larger point: Vaccines save lives.
nyti.ms
November 21, 2025 at 7:16 PM
However much you hate this man, it’s not enough.
No matter what happens with the Epstein files, releasing them a week before Thanksgiving is really funny
November 20, 2025 at 12:34 PM
No matter what happens with the Epstein files, releasing them a week before Thanksgiving is really funny
Do you think the mucinex guy has a cousin who’s made of cum
November 20, 2025 at 12:30 PM
Do you think the mucinex guy has a cousin who’s made of cum
Thunderstorms scare my dog which means I got to sleep with an extra pillow last night
November 18, 2025 at 1:13 PM
Thunderstorms scare my dog which means I got to sleep with an extra pillow last night
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
secretary breakfast gin is having a phallic one
November 16, 2025 at 2:13 AM
secretary breakfast gin is having a phallic one
And we thought the pee tapes were a big deal
November 15, 2025 at 3:58 PM
And we thought the pee tapes were a big deal
This is happening to me for real but it’s 67
November 14, 2025 at 12:26 AM
This is happening to me for real but it’s 67
Just imagine if literally anyone—ANYONE—besides Hillary had been the Dems’ 2016 candidate.
November 13, 2025 at 12:23 PM
Just imagine if literally anyone—ANYONE—besides Hillary had been the Dems’ 2016 candidate.
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
FROM: jeesmartfridge@gmail.com
TO: adersh@lawboy.com
SUBJ: Re: Did u get my last message??
yea plx dont email my fridge address
TO: adersh@lawboy.com
SUBJ: Re: Did u get my last message??
yea plx dont email my fridge address
November 13, 2025 at 2:58 AM
FROM: jeesmartfridge@gmail.com
TO: adersh@lawboy.com
SUBJ: Re: Did u get my last message??
yea plx dont email my fridge address
TO: adersh@lawboy.com
SUBJ: Re: Did u get my last message??
yea plx dont email my fridge address
Do the Dems have to listen to Schumer, just because he’s the leader? They can just ignore him, right?
November 11, 2025 at 1:23 PM
Do the Dems have to listen to Schumer, just because he’s the leader? They can just ignore him, right?
It’ll happen any day now
November 11, 2025 at 12:45 AM
It’ll happen any day now
This morning I saw a bald eagle standing over a carcass on the road while a bunch of vultures picked it clean, in case you were looking for any American metaphors today.
November 10, 2025 at 1:26 PM
This morning I saw a bald eagle standing over a carcass on the road while a bunch of vultures picked it clean, in case you were looking for any American metaphors today.
A government shutdown is when a President gets to take his widdle nappy poo
So the oldest person ever to become president keeps falling asleep in his office during public events and there’s no big public discussion on how this is a coverup or how republicans are lying to us about how this government is running?
November 9, 2025 at 3:23 PM
A government shutdown is when a President gets to take his widdle nappy poo
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
Today, the Puma Dimension (so named for being the only dimension without pumas) assured the multiverse that yes of course they still have other large predator cats, such as cheetahs and darcatas.
“Darcatas?” asked everyone else.
“Darcatas?” asked everyone else.
November 5, 2024 at 5:24 AM
Today, the Puma Dimension (so named for being the only dimension without pumas) assured the multiverse that yes of course they still have other large predator cats, such as cheetahs and darcatas.
“Darcatas?” asked everyone else.
“Darcatas?” asked everyone else.
Reposted by Mario Kart Garfunkel
The baby eats every 2 hours during the day. And every single time she starts to cry for a bottle, I say, "it can't be time for her to eat again." And every time I am wrong.
November 8, 2025 at 11:55 PM
The baby eats every 2 hours during the day. And every single time she starts to cry for a bottle, I say, "it can't be time for her to eat again." And every time I am wrong.
Look, I know you’re only two years old, but you’re crying over the one thing they tell people not to cry over
November 7, 2025 at 9:24 AM
Look, I know you’re only two years old, but you’re crying over the one thing they tell people not to cry over