I make baby blankets and aggressively, tone-deafly, tell people I’ll clean their houses when they give birth. Now I sound like I think they’re dirty when really I think they should be waited on hand and foot for six months

Stay away from me evildoer!!!!

Like, this man drove drunkenly down the freeway with my mom, me, and two other children in the car and then abandoned the car on the shoulder with us in it - and when he showed up at home several hours later he’d come home in a stolen car

I have more than one friend that’s gonna give birth in the next year and this shot me with fresh terror all the way to my toes

Curse the intermittent hyperfixations

I haven’t so much as laid eyes on Starbucks or their products in two years now. I hate them bad its not even funny

Look I love their product and the pepper is sublimely floral but we absolutely refer to this stuff as shitlib spices in our house

I’m about to clear out any remaining turkey breasts and stock my freezer for sandwiches all winter I’m so fuckin excited

I have a 60 inch tv that I’ve been babying since I got it second hand in 2018 because of this. It’s too old to be a smart tv anymore but at least it didn’t become entirely unfunctional at that point

My sister told me it was excellent and that I’m not allowed to watch it because I’d have panic attacks - which is a stunning endorsement for a medical drama

Once i heard that there are multiple cartoons and shows that would just be gone completely without piracy, I stopped listening to absolutely anyone who dislikes it. I check out a hundred library books a year and have a home library with over 200 books. I can pirate stuff and it’ll be okay