Only thing that ever seemed to help me whenever I had any kind of back pain from work, from over-exerting, etc was a full body pilates stretch. I don't know if it will help in your case of course, but its all I ever could muster.

I don't wanna sound mean or nothing, but I don't see you as neurotypical. But I think you are insecure about being a 'certain way' like anybody could be. Its why 'masking' is incredibly traumatic for some people in regards to autism because they essentially put so much psychic load into being normal

Everybody is bad at a social stuff until they are not IMO. I am kind of skeptical of neurotypical traits as I don't think anybody is 'fully' neurotypical unless you just simply mean 'not ADD/ADHD' or vaguely on the spectrum.

pardon the spelling errors, my phone keypad touch sensitivity has deadzone issues

I guess a more nuances explination is canceling most/all idle thoughts or ones that get in the way of executive function. I took it for granted just how noisesome my mind became. Like a 'too many chefs in the kitchen' kind of situation.

Also I would be suprised if its sheer coincidences.

in an online sense I've have had a lot of experience with that. Though a lot of it feels like a series of people either reading too little or too much into my words.

i took up practicing non-thinking. Current result seems to be a viseral sexful dream with deep sleel and having fun playing video games.

You wouldnt even have such laments if you werent a kind person.

And to hold this kind of regret is frustrating to me because from my standpoint I will only ever see you as someone who actually does care and is kind.

I just can't help but feel its kind of unfair to yourself. I feel like, its one of those human condition things. Its takes a particular scrupled awareness to be manifestly without some kind of failure or flaw. But humans are not so easily perfected.