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SynthCo Coffee
@synthcocoffee.bsky.social
10 followers 7 following 31 posts
Drink the Future Today. ☕
Our coffee is 100% synthetic!
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synthcocoffee.bsky.social
SynthCo Coffee Systems: Announcement
The Model 820 Brew Terminal brings precision coffee service to every department.

Dual Reservoir Design
Auto-Pour Logic
Integrated Access Control
Modular Tray Interface

Performance You Can Pour On.

Catalog 1985, p. 27

#coffee #syntheric
September 16, 2025 at 6:41 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Some mornings, the wall looks different.

Your schedule doesn’t. Just refill your mug and get back to it.

SYNTHCO COFFEE
It Almost Tastes Like Coffee™

#coffee
A retro-style corporate advertisement from SynthCo Coffee. The image shows a man in a brown suit pouring coffee into a white mug from a silver industrial coffee dispenser while a woman in a matching suit reviews a paper. The wall behind them is dark orange, with a small posted memo and some fibrous material trailing along the corner. The countertop is deep brown. Large bold text at the top reads, “Some surfaces can’t be cleaned. Others pour smoothly.” Subtext underneath: “Floor-Level Synergy Starts With a Mug in Hand.” At the bottom, smaller body copy promotes consistency in office routine and access to coffee. The final tagline reads, “SYNTHCO COFFEE – It Almost Tastes Like Coffee™.”
July 8, 2025 at 5:28 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
☀️ NEW: Hot Dog Water Affogato
It's espresso. It's soft-serve. It's hot dog water.

Smoky, meaty, and creamy.

A seasonal sensation from the SynthCo Beverage R&D team, now pouring at select kiosks.

Add a mustard shooter for just $0.49 extra.

Because summer only comes once a year.

#coffee
A retro 1980s-style advertisement for SynthCo Coffee’s “Hot Dog Water Affogato.” The image shows a beach boardwalk in soft focus behind a counter. On a bright orange tray, a glass cup of vanilla soft-serve ice cream is shown as a hand pours dark espresso over it. A whole hot dog rests next to the dessert on an orange napkin. SynthCo's vintage palm tree logo is visible on the tray. Above the image, bold text reads: “Hot Dog Water Affogato – Seasonal Menu Item – 1984 Limited Release.” The caption below describes the dessert as a savory-sweet blend of frankfurter-infused espresso and soft-serve.
June 30, 2025 at 4:27 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Seasonal Drop: Feral Forest Funk
Meet our newest taste of the summer!

Tang-forward. Bark-backed. Just shy of illegal in some buildings.

Now pouring at most downtown kiosks. Bring your appetite for risk.

Drink it fast, your coworkers might complain!

SynthCo Coffee. Drink the Future.

#coffee
A vertically formatted vintage-style advertisement for SynthCo Coffee’s new blend, “Feral Forest Funk.” The poster features a man in a brown suit, striped tie, and large tortoiseshell glasses standing beside a downtown coffee kiosk. He’s sipping from a beige SynthCo-branded paper cup featuring the company’s retro palm tree logo. Behind him, the city street is out of focus, giving the image a soft institutional realism. On the counter are a stack of identical paper cups, a large metal coffee urn, and a small acrylic sign that reads: NOW SERVING: FERAL FOREST FUNK The headline above the photo reads: FERAL FOREST FUNK A Taste of Nature. Available Downtown. The body text describes the flavor as bold and wild, with notes of wild mushroom, fermented berries, and overripe plum, and emphasizes the coffee’s dense aroma with hints of bark and musk. A tagline below reads: BREWED HOT. BEST BEFORE THE SMELL LINGERS. SynthCo Coffee – It Works Because You Do. The overall tone evokes 1980s corporate confidence with an undercurrent of strange, earthy intensity.
June 26, 2025 at 5:20 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Brew units don't require innovation.

The Model F83-C remains the classic way to show your employees that frankly, you don't care. Its a metal box, engraved with our name, and set with a spigot.

🔧 No upgrades. ☕ Still dispenses.

SynthCo Coffee. It works. That’s enough.

#coffee
A vintage-style advertisement featuring a plain stainless steel coffee dispenser mounted on a dark orange wall above a black counter. The dispenser is engraved with the words "SYNTHCO COFFEE." A brown plastic mug sits below it on the counter, next to a faint coffee ring stain. The headline above reads: "Installed by Facilities. Endorsed by Nobody." The body copy describes the dispenser’s lack of upgrades or feedback mechanisms, emphasizing that it still functions acceptably. The SynthCo Coffee logo and tagline “It works. That’s enough.” appear at the bottom. The entire ad mimics a 1980s trade magazine layout with muted colors and analog printing textures.
June 24, 2025 at 10:59 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
WHEN THE SKY GOES STATIC.

Not every hour is scheduled. Not every cup is safe.

SYNTHCO BLUE — the blend designed for late-night clarity and maximum executive-level uptime.

Push yourself to the limit. Drink the Future.
Drink SynthCo Coffee.

#coffee
A grainy, retro-style photo resembling a 1980s corporate magazine ad. A man in a brown suit sits alone at a dark wood office desk, dimly lit by the blue glow of a city skyline visible through Venetian blinds behind him. He gazes down at a clear glass mug of steaming blue coffee in front of him. A black SynthCo palm tree logo is printed on the mug. The image contains printed text: “WHEN THE SKY GOES STATIC. Outside, the skyline loops. Inside, the glass is still warm. Time doesn’t stop. Neither do you. SYNTHCO BLUE It’s almost like coffee.
June 10, 2025 at 4:08 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
SYNTHCO GREEN ⚠️
The Sixth Flavor.

It wasn’t designed to satisfy.
It wasn’t submitted for review.
It wasn’t supposed to ship.

But it’s here.

Taste a flavor you can never un-taste.

SynthCo Green. The future has a flavor now.

#coffee
A dimly lit photograph styled like a 1980s print ad. In the foreground, an orange ceramic coffee mug sits on a lab countertop. The mug features a black SynthCo logo — a silhouetted pair of palm trees inside a circle. It's filled with an opaque green liquid that has a slight shine, suggesting a thick or unnatural consistency. Behind the mug, slightly out of focus, is a man in a white lab coat slumped over the table, unconscious or possibly dead. A faint stream of the same green liquid trails from the corner of his mouth toward the mug. The background suggests a scientific laboratory, blurred and institutional, lit from above with clinical fluorescent lighting. The image is framed by a beige border on top and bottom. The top contains bold orange text reading “THE SIXTH FLAVOR. CLASSIFIED.” Below that, in smaller text: “Bitter. Salty. Sour. Sweet. Umami. Green.” At the bottom of the image, in serif fonts, is the tagline: “SynthCo Green. The Sixth Flavor.” Beneath that: “You were not cleared to read this.” The scene is eerie, formal, and presented with deadpan corporate seriousness — as if it were a real internal product ad, despite the ominous implications.
May 29, 2025 at 4:08 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Seasonal Drop: Smoked Brisket Cold Brew

It’s back. Our summer-forward flavor returns with bold mesquite tones and burnt brisket. Stabilized in iced brew form for caffeine reliability.

100% synthetic. Vegan compliant.

Regret yourself. Get Beefed.

SynthCo Coffee.
Morale. Contained.

#coffee
A vintage-style advertisement from the 1980s shows a middle-aged man in a brown suit with a burnt orange shirt and tie, seated at a beige fiberglass table inside a muted coffee café. He looks down solemnly at a clear glass of iced coffee placed in front of him. Several slices of synthetic-looking brisket are submerged in the coffee, with thick barbecue sauce dripping over the rim and pooling around the base of the glass. The image is tinted in warm tones and lit by overhead fluorescents, capturing a corporate, subdued atmosphere. Below the photo, text reads: “BRISKET MEETS BREW. Engineered for Operational-Level Caffeine Demands” and describes the product as a morale booster with mesquite, beef, and “burned carpet” notes. The SynthCo Coffee wordmark and tagline “Morale. Contained.” appear at the bottom.
May 28, 2025 at 3:34 AM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Introducing Burnt Citrus Fold™ — the latest flavor from SynthCo Coffee.

Designed for resilience, not refreshment. With notes of scorched rind and industrial caramel, it’s a cup that remembers what the future used to taste like.

SynthCo Coffee. Drink the Future.

#coffee
A retro-style advertisement shows a steaming brown-handled glass coffee pot, a paper cup with a vintage palm tree logo, and an orange on a woodgrain counter. The headline reads: “Remember Citrus? We Redesigned It.” Below, text describes Burnt Citrus Fold as having synthetic optimism, scorched rind, and industrial caramel notes, with the tagline “Brewed for profit. Sipped for nostalgia.” The SynthCo Coffee logo appears at the bottom.
May 22, 2025 at 4:37 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Now available in executive break rooms around the world.
SynthCo Blue is officially available for bulk order. Engineered for high-pressure cognition, cobalt-filtered, and designed to reward risk profiles.

Flavor approval is not universal. That’s the point.

#coffee
A suited middle-aged man stands confidently at a sleek office table at night, lit by warm corporate lighting with a blurred city skyline behind him. On the table is a deep blue coffee decanter and a matching mug, both casting subtle reflections. Bold text overlays declare “Fatality-Adjacent. Flavor-Approved.” and promote SynthCo Blue as a high-risk, high-status executive coffee blend.
May 20, 2025 at 3:46 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
You don’t need to taste it. You just need to trust it.

SynthCo Coffee is formulated for uptime, not indulgence.
No foam, no slogans — just a cup that meets spec, every shift.

#coffee
A vintage-style advertisement features a worn orange ceramic mug filled with black coffee, sitting on a beige office counter. The background shows a blurred breakroom with gray cabinets and a bulletin board. The headline reads “NO AROMA. NO BRANDING. JUST RESULTS.” and the tagline at the bottom says “SynthCo Coffee — It’s Almost Like Coffee.”
May 19, 2025 at 6:14 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
FRIDAY IS FOR SYNCO NIGHT.

Whether you're headed to the second spot or still in your work shirt, SynCo Night™ brings the energy of synthetic roast and the warmth of oak to wherever the night takes you.

Now available all over Tokyo.

Drink the Future. Drink SynthCo.

#coffee
A vintage-style photo of three Japanese professionals laughing and raising cans of SynCo Night™ at an izakaya table, surrounded by plates of food. The scene is warm and candid, with city lights glowing outside the window. The ad features bold retro fonts and Japanese text, evoking a 1980s Tokyo magazine.
May 16, 2025 at 7:44 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Recent third-party reports claiming “safety violations” at SynthCo facilities are inaccurate and unreviewed.

Our safety protocols are well-documented and internally verified.

Attached: one of many safety posters we use to keep staff informed and safe.

Safety is a process. Coffee is the answer.
A vintage-style corporate safety poster titled "KNOW YOUR SPLINE VARIANTS" from SynthCo Coffee, designed circa 1980s. The poster has a worn beige background, coffee stains, paper creases, and a structured grid layout featuring four spline types: Type-O (Orange): fibrous anomaly across a tiled corridor. Caption reads: "Corridor grown anomaly, report and quarantine immediately." Type-P (Purple): round nodule blocking a glass office door. Caption: "Non-lethal if not touched. Proximity logging required." Type-S (Silver): mist-emitting vent. Caption: "Toxic mists. Do not breathe, gas may cause paralysis and suffocation." Spline Knot (Brown): glandular mass on a cafeteria tray. Caption: "Potential resource. Still hazardous. Notify Facilities Liaison." Each quadrant features classification glyphs (e.g. “Q/71”, “CLASS S.2”, “SPL-RAW”). The footer shows clearance level (“R&D AND SECURITY DEPARTMENTS ONLY”), a stamped Form 3007-D, SynthCo Coffee logo, and the company slogan: “Drink the Future. Drink SynthCo Coffee.” Various stamps read: “ARCHIVED,” “INTERNAL USE,” and “DO NOT DISTRIBUTE.”
May 15, 2025 at 6:16 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Frynth First Breakfast Returns.
For a limited window, we’re proud to relaunch our collaborative pairing with SynthBurger: 100% synthetic Frynth Fries™ served alongside SynthCo Coffee with a splash of our Synthetic Potato Creamer.

It's Almost Like Coffee and Legally Defined As Food! #coffee
A retro-styled photo shows a burnt-orange coffee mug filled with dark coffee and a floating dollop of synthetic potato creamer, next to a cafeteria plate of synthetic golden fries. The scene is set in a softly blurred 1980s office cubicle space. Below, the text reads: “FRYNTH FIRST. The Morning Meal Protocol, Streamlined.”
May 14, 2025 at 5:48 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
They said it wasn’t coffee. They were right.
SynthCo Blue delivers controlled clarity with no flavor overhead — just calibrated thermal input for high intensity performance environments.

#coffee #blue
A glass mug of vivid blue coffee sits on a woodgrain desk beside a document marked “Tier II Only.” In the background, a suited man reads a memo under fluorescent office lighting, framed by the headline: “They said it wasn’t coffee. They were right.”
May 13, 2025 at 4:46 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
ENGINEERED FOR THE WORKDAY
Uniform caffeine density. Zero emotional variance.
Make sure your floor gets the reliability of SynthCo Coffee.

100% Synthetic means you'll get that same, off-putting 'Almost Coffee' flavor from us every time.

#coffee
Three office workers stand in a beige 1980s breakroom around a SynthCo Coffee machine. One man dispenses coffee while another watches and a woman holds a clipboard, all dressed in corporate attire under fluorescent lighting.
May 12, 2025 at 6:30 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Success starts before you even start.
Why risk things with the unstable nature of genuine coffee when you can instead rely on the scientific precision of SynthCo Coffee's 100% Synthetic brew? Start your day right.

SynthCo Coffee.
It’s Almost Like Coffee.

#coffee
May 11, 2025 at 10:31 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
SynthCo Coffee goes where others won't.
Our BrinePhase series—kelp-suspended, thick, and unmistakably unpleasant—is shelf-stable and cost-effective. Keep your staff alert. Keep them aligned. Talk to your SynthCo rep today. #coffee
A stern middle-aged man in a gray suit holds a beige SynthCo mug while seated against a tan background, wearing a striped tie and a clipped-on ID badge with color bars and unreadable text. Bold black text above him reads “IT DIDN’T EVOLVE TO BE LIKED,” promoting BrinePhase™ 4 Kelp Suspension Roast as a pre-thickened, shelf-stable coffee substitute.
May 10, 2025 at 5:55 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
1985 is calling. Are you going to answer the phone?
May 9, 2025 at 9:37 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Have you had your coffee yet? Why not try ours? It's almost like coffee. Drink the Future, Drink SynthCo Coffee.

#coffee
May 8, 2025 at 4:28 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
All the Flavor. None of the Bean. Enjoy a premium coffee experience—100% synthetic, perfectly engineered for maximum taste and minimal compromise. Because the future isn’t brewed, it’s built.
A hand pours steaming coffee from a sleek black pitcher into a black ceramic mug, set against a blurred city skyline at sunrise. The warm glow of the morning light reflects off the table, creating a clean and minimalist aesthetic.
March 10, 2025 at 3:45 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
We're beyond excited that SynthBurger has partnered with us to offer their 100% synthetic Frynth Fries (TM) paired with a cup of our classic SynthCo Coffee brew served with a splash of our Potato Creamer! It's twice the 'potato' to start your day off right! #coffee
December 6, 2024 at 10:28 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Have a case of the Tuesdays? Back in 1985 we would tell you to make it a Bluesday instead! What do you think, should we bring back the irresponsible taste of SynthCo Blue for a limited time? Sure the FDA might complain, but the risk is worth the reward isn't it? Tell us what you think! #coffee
December 3, 2024 at 6:03 PM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Who remembers the craze ignited by our SynthCo Blue campaign in 1985? That catchy beat along with Dan Maginelli's striking jawline:

🎵Feel the rush, ignite the night,
Hot or cold, it feels so right.
Dive into the unknown hue,
Lose yourself in SynthCo Blue.🎵

Ready to lose yourself? Drink the Blue.
December 3, 2024 at 6:27 AM
synthcocoffee.bsky.social
Today SynthCo Coffee remembers you, our loyal customers. Since 1961 you've eagerly stormed our shops, eager for a taste of synthetic coffee that can't be matched. As always, this Black Friday all black coffee, hot or iced, is on us. Complete with a pinch of our asphalt flavoring.

Thank you. #coffee
November 30, 2024 at 4:59 AM