@strangertings5.bsky.social
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[David Attenborough narrating my life]
“Watch as the dumb husband puts away the dishes incorrectly, cementing his night void of intercourse”.
“Watch as the dumb husband puts away the dishes incorrectly, cementing his night void of intercourse”.
June 21, 2025 at 10:03 PM
[David Attenborough narrating my life]
“Watch as the dumb husband puts away the dishes incorrectly, cementing his night void of intercourse”.
“Watch as the dumb husband puts away the dishes incorrectly, cementing his night void of intercourse”.
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I was rocketed here from an alien planet, then my adoptive parents were killed in an alley by a radioactive spider, which bit me. An ancient monk took pity on me, brought me to a lost city, and taught me sorcerous martial arts until a gamma bomb exploded and mutated me into a vampiric were-dragon.
January 18, 2025 at 11:24 PM
I was rocketed here from an alien planet, then my adoptive parents were killed in an alley by a radioactive spider, which bit me. An ancient monk took pity on me, brought me to a lost city, and taught me sorcerous martial arts until a gamma bomb exploded and mutated me into a vampiric were-dragon.
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Just once, when a girl scout knocks, I want to open the door dressed as the Cookie Monster and go fucking nuts.
May 19, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Just once, when a girl scout knocks, I want to open the door dressed as the Cookie Monster and go fucking nuts.
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Why is it that when someone misses a joke and comments a serious response, they often will also have “aspiring shitposter” in their bio? Aspire harder, bro.
April 30, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Why is it that when someone misses a joke and comments a serious response, they often will also have “aspiring shitposter” in their bio? Aspire harder, bro.
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Existence-cancelling headphones.
April 29, 2025 at 9:32 PM
Existence-cancelling headphones.
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My physical therapist said there's a lot more patients these days because of pickle ball. How embarrassing.
April 30, 2025 at 6:19 PM
My physical therapist said there's a lot more patients these days because of pickle ball. How embarrassing.
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Started a cult, just me so far.
April 30, 2025 at 12:39 AM
Started a cult, just me so far.
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It is with great sadness that it is my pleasure to inform you that it pains me to say this
April 30, 2025 at 5:10 PM
It is with great sadness that it is my pleasure to inform you that it pains me to say this
I can't think of a title for my TED Talk on 'leveraging AI to generate titles for TED talks'.
April 30, 2025 at 6:40 PM
I can't think of a title for my TED Talk on 'leveraging AI to generate titles for TED talks'.
A billionaire, a sycophant and a fascist walked into a bar together.
The barman says "The usual, Mr. Musk?".
The barman says "The usual, Mr. Musk?".
April 26, 2025 at 6:28 PM
A billionaire, a sycophant and a fascist walked into a bar together.
The barman says "The usual, Mr. Musk?".
The barman says "The usual, Mr. Musk?".
Them: I need a synonym for 'indispensable'.
Me: Absolutely necessary?
Them: Yes. I definitely need it.
Me:
Me: Absolutely necessary?
Them: Yes. I definitely need it.
Me:
April 20, 2025 at 6:46 PM
Them: I need a synonym for 'indispensable'.
Me: Absolutely necessary?
Them: Yes. I definitely need it.
Me:
Me: Absolutely necessary?
Them: Yes. I definitely need it.
Me:
"A bit miserable" is a good way to describe anything British.
April 16, 2025 at 3:16 PM
"A bit miserable" is a good way to describe anything British.
I couldn't decide whether to leave through the revolving door or the normal door.
It was an exitstential crisis.
It was an exitstential crisis.
April 3, 2025 at 7:48 AM
I couldn't decide whether to leave through the revolving door or the normal door.
It was an exitstential crisis.
It was an exitstential crisis.
I once called an ambulance.
Which is when I gave up playing poker.
Which is when I gave up playing poker.
March 28, 2025 at 7:53 PM
I once called an ambulance.
Which is when I gave up playing poker.
Which is when I gave up playing poker.
My friend constantly hallucinates heavy rainfall.
He's delugional.
He's delugional.
March 27, 2025 at 6:59 PM
My friend constantly hallucinates heavy rainfall.
He's delugional.
He's delugional.
Sure, we have our differences.
Two obvious ones being objective level of attractiveness and intelligence.
Two obvious ones being objective level of attractiveness and intelligence.
March 25, 2025 at 5:18 PM
Sure, we have our differences.
Two obvious ones being objective level of attractiveness and intelligence.
Two obvious ones being objective level of attractiveness and intelligence.
If I was a Norse god, I wouldn't want to be elaborate, showy, or intensive.
I'd want to be Loki.
I'd want to be Loki.
March 24, 2025 at 4:33 PM
If I was a Norse god, I wouldn't want to be elaborate, showy, or intensive.
I'd want to be Loki.
I'd want to be Loki.
I met a man from Nantucket,
Who really loved a bucket,
He'd strip off his kit,
Whisper to it,
Then he'd subvert the expected format of a Limerick.
Who really loved a bucket,
He'd strip off his kit,
Whisper to it,
Then he'd subvert the expected format of a Limerick.
March 18, 2025 at 3:24 PM
I met a man from Nantucket,
Who really loved a bucket,
He'd strip off his kit,
Whisper to it,
Then he'd subvert the expected format of a Limerick.
Who really loved a bucket,
He'd strip off his kit,
Whisper to it,
Then he'd subvert the expected format of a Limerick.
I never argue with HR.
They usually get personnel.
They usually get personnel.
March 14, 2025 at 10:03 AM
I never argue with HR.
They usually get personnel.
They usually get personnel.
Oh.
You're a personal intimacy contractor.
I thought so.
You're a personal intimacy contractor.
I thought so.
March 11, 2025 at 7:43 PM
Oh.
You're a personal intimacy contractor.
I thought so.
You're a personal intimacy contractor.
I thought so.
I've been a cheese denier since I was a toddler.
From age two.
From age two.
March 6, 2025 at 7:17 PM
I've been a cheese denier since I was a toddler.
From age two.
From age two.
V gvn p vwls fr lnt.
March 5, 2025 at 8:24 PM
V gvn p vwls fr lnt.
YES. THEY ARE REAL.
[my many flaws, that is]
[my many flaws, that is]
March 4, 2025 at 7:07 PM
YES. THEY ARE REAL.
[my many flaws, that is]
[my many flaws, that is]
I am largely unmoved by what you humans refer to as 'romcoms'.
March 4, 2025 at 7:06 PM
I am largely unmoved by what you humans refer to as 'romcoms'.