Pinned
I whisper "Jumanji" every now and then just in case I'm stuck in the game and somehow won without realizing it.
Fuck it, I'm gonna be a pirate.
Anyone have a boat?
Anyone have a boat?
October 17, 2025 at 12:13 PM
Fuck it, I'm gonna be a pirate.
Anyone have a boat?
Anyone have a boat?
Sorry I can’t go out tonight, I’m livin’ la vida loca with some pizza.
August 31, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Sorry I can’t go out tonight, I’m livin’ la vida loca with some pizza.
I think my perpetual motion machine is broke, it won't turn off, HELP!
August 30, 2025 at 2:40 PM
I think my perpetual motion machine is broke, it won't turn off, HELP!
I told my kids we were going to a car show and just walked them through a Wal-Mart parking lot for an hour.
August 29, 2025 at 1:21 AM
I told my kids we were going to a car show and just walked them through a Wal-Mart parking lot for an hour.
I taught my cat how to hold a knife and I now regret that decision.
August 29, 2025 at 12:22 AM
I taught my cat how to hold a knife and I now regret that decision.
Sorry I haven't posted in 6 months, I was in the shower.
August 29, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Sorry I haven't posted in 6 months, I was in the shower.
Hey @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social , the school board here in Alberta ( the Texas of Canada), is banning Looking for Alaska in all grades, apparently it’s too risqué for an 18 year old in grade 12 (insert eye rolling emoji here) @hankgreen.bsky.social
August 29, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Hey @johngreensbluesky.bsky.social , the school board here in Alberta ( the Texas of Canada), is banning Looking for Alaska in all grades, apparently it’s too risqué for an 18 year old in grade 12 (insert eye rolling emoji here) @hankgreen.bsky.social
Reposted by Warthog in a tutu
No one will be laughing at my waterwings when the polar ice caps melt.
February 24, 2025 at 1:39 PM
No one will be laughing at my waterwings when the polar ice caps melt.
Dear manager, this week I
talked to corporate
hit on debra
got rejected
shit on debras desk
blacked out in the sewer
met a giant fish
fucked it's brains out
turned into a jet
bombed the russians
crashed into the sun
died
As you can see, it was a VERY productive week.
talked to corporate
hit on debra
got rejected
shit on debras desk
blacked out in the sewer
met a giant fish
fucked it's brains out
turned into a jet
bombed the russians
crashed into the sun
died
As you can see, it was a VERY productive week.
February 24, 2025 at 1:42 PM
Dear manager, this week I
talked to corporate
hit on debra
got rejected
shit on debras desk
blacked out in the sewer
met a giant fish
fucked it's brains out
turned into a jet
bombed the russians
crashed into the sun
died
As you can see, it was a VERY productive week.
talked to corporate
hit on debra
got rejected
shit on debras desk
blacked out in the sewer
met a giant fish
fucked it's brains out
turned into a jet
bombed the russians
crashed into the sun
died
As you can see, it was a VERY productive week.
I call dibs on being the next president.
February 24, 2025 at 1:03 AM
I call dibs on being the next president.
I opened this up to say something mind-blowing, but now I can't remember what it was.
I think it was something to do with bananas? Bears?
I think it was something to do with bananas? Bears?
February 24, 2025 at 1:01 AM
I opened this up to say something mind-blowing, but now I can't remember what it was.
I think it was something to do with bananas? Bears?
I think it was something to do with bananas? Bears?
Stars aren’t real, it’s just a bunch of dudes night hang-gliding with flashlights
February 23, 2025 at 3:23 AM
Stars aren’t real, it’s just a bunch of dudes night hang-gliding with flashlights
I rode off into the sunset and now it's 2 am and I can hear wolves. Send help, and pizza.
February 21, 2025 at 2:50 PM
I rode off into the sunset and now it's 2 am and I can hear wolves. Send help, and pizza.
I let my skeleton out of my skin every now and then so it can get some fresh air.
February 20, 2025 at 1:37 PM
I let my skeleton out of my skin every now and then so it can get some fresh air.
I'm pretty sure someone broke into my house and stole my loofah.
February 19, 2025 at 2:38 PM
I'm pretty sure someone broke into my house and stole my loofah.
Reposted by Warthog in a tutu
Studies show that most people are unprepared for me to suddenly make an alarming seagull noise at them
February 19, 2025 at 9:55 AM
Studies show that most people are unprepared for me to suddenly make an alarming seagull noise at them
As a kid I used to think that everyone thought in English but it just came out wrong when they talked.
February 17, 2025 at 9:56 PM
As a kid I used to think that everyone thought in English but it just came out wrong when they talked.
The big bad wolf didn't even try to fuck with the 4th little pig who built his house out of wolf pelts.
February 17, 2025 at 2:19 AM
The big bad wolf didn't even try to fuck with the 4th little pig who built his house out of wolf pelts.
I'm bored, might attempt to be the first person to successfully toboggan down mount Everest while blindfolded.
February 17, 2025 at 2:16 AM
I'm bored, might attempt to be the first person to successfully toboggan down mount Everest while blindfolded.
Reposted by Warthog in a tutu
My dad went out doing what he loved; dribbling a basketball between his legs, hitting himself in the groin, and stumbling and tripping into a wood chipper that was on the court for some reason
February 16, 2025 at 2:35 PM
My dad went out doing what he loved; dribbling a basketball between his legs, hitting himself in the groin, and stumbling and tripping into a wood chipper that was on the court for some reason
I keep my mouth full of water at all times just in case I have to do a spit-take.
February 15, 2025 at 9:14 PM
I keep my mouth full of water at all times just in case I have to do a spit-take.
Miles Davis had to release his albums under the name "Kilometers Davis" outside of the U.S.
February 15, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Miles Davis had to release his albums under the name "Kilometers Davis" outside of the U.S.
I get all my news from the radio waves my fillings pick up.
February 15, 2025 at 4:28 PM
I get all my news from the radio waves my fillings pick up.
I let Jesus take the wheel and now I'm sitting outside a 7-11 in a sketchy part of town while he grabs some smokes.
February 14, 2025 at 2:58 PM
I let Jesus take the wheel and now I'm sitting outside a 7-11 in a sketchy part of town while he grabs some smokes.
Test post please ignore.
February 14, 2025 at 1:48 PM
Test post please ignore.