so hopefully something good comes of that.

idk there’s just so much shit wrong with me.

and with the world.

and i just want to be able to live again.

and for everyone else to be able to live again.

… but after not getting an answer since february about it, i finally have a meeting scheduled to speak with my voc. rehab counselor this upcoming wednesday to update my case’s details and my needs/medical status (as my health has deteriorated significantly since our last meeting back in 2023)

i’m just in borderline-unmanageable pain (when it comes to emotional distress & frustration and depression surrounding my current state & reality)

and there’s many other negatives about my current situation

i have had to get 4 separate imaging tests done (an x-ray of my hips and for my spine; an mri of my hips; a pelvic ultrasound)

i’ve had more med changes/additions

i have to get an injection in my right hip

i have been unable to sit upright for much longer than an hour at a time

i’ve kept fighting and working on getting adequate help for myself and for what?…

it hasn’t changed anything much—i’ve just been deteriorating slightly less fast

not kidding when i express how my health just keeps getting worse and worse—so unbelievably suffocating…

i want to live happily and be safe and love but it’s all just not meant to happen for me and my family everyone is suffering and so are too too too many others and it’s all too suffocating and i can’t handle anything anymore

there’s just… horrifying implications based on what i’m symptomatically experiencing and it makes me too my stomach with fear and frustration and grief and pain

i’ll ask my dad tomorrow or something about that to see what he thinks i guess

i also am probably going to try a different pain management place then my hospital’s referral bc of a few reasons… but idrk how to go about the timing of that??….

idk i’m just still confused on when to do things…

i don’t know if im good to reschedule with the PA now???…… or not….?? cause she said to reschedule once i had the MRI and labs (bloodwork) done but idk if i need to wait for them to process the results yet for the bloodwork b4 trying to reschedule???

② i got some bloodwork done (as ordered by the same lady who ordered the MRI to check for like 8 inflammatory markers/etc).

(i’ll try to look for the report one of the patient portals tomorrow and see if it’s there to try and learn more info)