Jack Metzler (cleaned up)
@scotusplaces.bsky.social
"Making statements with undertones of superior legal thinking."
Reporter of Decisions, Court of History.
Judicial review is a thing.™
Good behavior lol
Reporter of Decisions, Court of History.
Judicial review is a thing.™
Good behavior lol
hahayes
December 6, 2025 at 1:21 AM
hahayes
my kid: ... I don't know why I did it, all my friends were so...
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
December 4, 2025 at 11:24 PM
my kid: ... I don't know why I did it, all my friends were so...
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
If you like @badlawyerpod.bsky.social, you will love this job. You get to run your own cases with lots of stand up work. You will be doing a great service to the bar and the public. And you get to work with me.
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
December 3, 2025 at 9:28 PM
If you like @badlawyerpod.bsky.social, you will love this job. You get to run your own cases with lots of stand up work. You will be doing a great service to the bar and the public. And you get to work with me.
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
December 3, 2025 at 9:25 PM
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
I named my fists Arbitrary & Capricious because they act without a sound basis in fact or law
I named my fists Kevin and Patullo because they're absolute shit at offense.
I named my fists Common and Sense because I'm about to bring the Paine
December 1, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I named my fists Arbitrary & Capricious because they act without a sound basis in fact or law
Would be pretty funny if the app were pessimistic.
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
The "optimism" of airline apps is something to be admired. American is really sure that I'm boarding in five minutes, even though the plane we're on hasn't landed yet.
December 1, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Would be pretty funny if the app were pessimistic.
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
the datchund looks a little chonk
November 27, 2025 at 5:14 PM
the datchund looks a little chonk
you know when you think about it sheveled doesn't sound much better than the alternative
November 21, 2025 at 11:58 PM
you know when you think about it sheveled doesn't sound much better than the alternative
When I was pro se, I spake as a pro se, I understood as a pro se, I thought as a pro se, but when I became a lawyer, I put away pro se things.
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
November 21, 2025 at 3:18 PM
When I was pro se, I spake as a pro se, I understood as a pro se, I thought as a pro se, but when I became a lawyer, I put away pro se things.
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
November 21, 2025 at 3:17 PM
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
Think I'm gonna have to take one of the most unfortunate steps of my adulthood, one that makes me feel slimy even though it's not... go to small claims court over a guy who I contracted and prepaid to build a chicken coop for me, swore it was almost done for six months, and has now gone radio silent
November 21, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
Think I'm gonna have to take one of the most unfortunate steps of my adulthood, one that makes me feel slimy even though it's not... go to small claims court over a guy who I contracted and prepaid to build a chicken coop for me, swore it was almost done for six months, and has now gone radio silent
November 21, 2025 at 3:07 PM
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
PSA to @law360.bsky.social: I get it. 50 spams later, I get it. You want me to take your survey. It will only take 10 minutes. Question tho - why should I give you that time? You're not even offering to let me read the resulting article for free. GFU
November 20, 2025 at 4:53 PM
PSA to @law360.bsky.social: I get it. 50 spams later, I get it. You want me to take your survey. It will only take 10 minutes. Question tho - why should I give you that time? You're not even offering to let me read the resulting article for free. GFU
Man, just thinking about the Magistrate Judges Act of 1990 it was a wild time when someone would just say hey it would be better if we did it this way and then there was a bill and then they passed it just like Schoolhouse Rock wouldn't it be weird if we had a congress like that?
November 20, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Man, just thinking about the Magistrate Judges Act of 1990 it was a wild time when someone would just say hey it would be better if we did it this way and then there was a bill and then they passed it just like Schoolhouse Rock wouldn't it be weird if we had a congress like that?
Seems to me this case says normally if there is a messed up indictment we cannot even ask what the grand jury would have done, but the US Atty's office was doing it wrong for a whole bunch of cases, so we are making an exception just for this but from now on (now being 1969) we won't do that.
Anyway, the facts are complicated, and the legal impact remains unclear.
To that end, the judge asked the parties to focus on a specific case when briefing the matter.
The case is called Gaither v. United States. It’s available here: law.justia.com/cases/federa...
To that end, the judge asked the parties to focus on a specific case when briefing the matter.
The case is called Gaither v. United States. It’s available here: law.justia.com/cases/federa...
Tyrone Gaither, Appellant, v. United States of America, Appellee.charles Tatum, Appellant, v. United States of America, Appellee, 413 F.2d 1061 (D.C. Cir. 1969)
Tyrone Gaither, Appellant, v. United States of America, Appellee.charles Tatum, Appellant, v. United States of America, Appellee, 413 F.2d 1061 (D.C. Cir. 1969) case opinion from the US Court of Appea...
law.justia.com
November 19, 2025 at 10:09 PM
Seems to me this case says normally if there is a messed up indictment we cannot even ask what the grand jury would have done, but the US Atty's office was doing it wrong for a whole bunch of cases, so we are making an exception just for this but from now on (now being 1969) we won't do that.
I mean it is accurate
(indictment modified)
November 19, 2025 at 6:02 PM
I mean it is accurate
I mean it depends on several things. First, is Comey is a person? Second, is he being asked to answer for a capital or other infamous crime? Third, is an indictment that a grand jury never saw an indictment of a grand jury? Fourth, is this an armed forces case during war? Many variables here.
November 19, 2025 at 4:45 PM
I mean it depends on several things. First, is Comey is a person? Second, is he being asked to answer for a capital or other infamous crime? Third, is an indictment that a grand jury never saw an indictment of a grand jury? Fourth, is this an armed forces case during war? Many variables here.
If you know someone in DC that fits this please dm.
Do I have any outstanding litigator frens looking to make a change?
November 19, 2025 at 3:42 PM
If you know someone in DC that fits this please dm.
Do I have any outstanding litigator frens looking to make a change?
November 19, 2025 at 3:24 PM
Do I have any outstanding litigator frens looking to make a change?
Everyone else my age is so old
November 19, 2025 at 4:24 AM
Everyone else my age is so old
one of these things is not like the others
November 18, 2025 at 10:51 PM
one of these things is not like the others
Why are they talking about this is a question nobody can answer.
There's a [former?] journalist named Olivia Nuzzi who covered presidential campaigns. She had an affair with RFK Jr. while covering his 2024 run and also with Mark Sanford in 2020 (the hiking-in-Argentina SC governor), according to her ex-fiancé, Ryan Lizza.
That's what they're talking about.
That's what they're talking about.
November 18, 2025 at 6:23 PM
Why are they talking about this is a question nobody can answer.
how did the foreperson sign an indictment the grand jury never voted on? why did they do that???
November 17, 2025 at 7:15 PM
how did the foreperson sign an indictment the grand jury never voted on? why did they do that???
At some point I passed both former Superintendents of Arlington Nat'l Cemetery, Jack Metzler & Jack Metzler Jr., in the SEO ratings. The former was there for JFK's funeral. The latter is probably happy to be obscured since his primary search result involved a controversy of alleged mismanagement.
November 17, 2025 at 6:16 PM
At some point I passed both former Superintendents of Arlington Nat'l Cemetery, Jack Metzler & Jack Metzler Jr., in the SEO ratings. The former was there for JFK's funeral. The latter is probably happy to be obscured since his primary search result involved a controversy of alleged mismanagement.
It is through this kind of alert that I have been keeping tabs on the career of high school lacrosse player Jack Metzler.
November 17, 2025 at 6:12 PM
It is through this kind of alert that I have been keeping tabs on the career of high school lacrosse player Jack Metzler.