Minor league b3tan bloke
@rotatingwobblyhat.bsky.social
Brain farter. Weirdo. Gadgeteer and inventor of nonsense.
Pinned
I advise anyone who gets upset at the things I say or do online to read this scholarly article.
Sorry but what else was I supposed to do with a publicity shot like that?
November 12, 2025 at 7:30 PM
Sorry but what else was I supposed to do with a publicity shot like that?
I see why Charles Schulz only ever drew Charlie Brown as an 8 year old because he is statistically aligned with the kind of damaged emotional development that would manifest into becoming a high school shooter when he reaches 15.
November 12, 2025 at 2:28 PM
I see why Charles Schulz only ever drew Charlie Brown as an 8 year old because he is statistically aligned with the kind of damaged emotional development that would manifest into becoming a high school shooter when he reaches 15.
If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, lucky you bent down to tie your shoelace when the double decker took a wrong turn under that low bridge.
November 12, 2025 at 2:19 PM
If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, lucky you bent down to tie your shoelace when the double decker took a wrong turn under that low bridge.
In my benevolent regime kids will be allowed to run about in restaurants and pubs like Sonic the Hedgehog but they will also suffer spike traps and deadfalls like Sonic the Hedgehog.
In my benevolent regime there will be guillotines on every station platform for use on people who don't use headphones
November 12, 2025 at 11:21 AM
In my benevolent regime kids will be allowed to run about in restaurants and pubs like Sonic the Hedgehog but they will also suffer spike traps and deadfalls like Sonic the Hedgehog.
This joke is so dad it forbade me from going out looking like this.
this joke is so dad it is alcoholism in jeans
this joke is so dad it said my mowing pattern was all wrong
November 12, 2025 at 11:19 AM
This joke is so dad it forbade me from going out looking like this.
Europeans look at us Brits so dimly because of that thing we hold so dear, the Birds Eye Frangible Grid processed root vegetable food snack and wonder at the audacity we have to call it a ‘Waffle’. We should own it, make it our own, add extra pointy lumps on one side. “Birds Eye Potato Portcullis”.
November 12, 2025 at 7:59 AM
Europeans look at us Brits so dimly because of that thing we hold so dear, the Birds Eye Frangible Grid processed root vegetable food snack and wonder at the audacity we have to call it a ‘Waffle’. We should own it, make it our own, add extra pointy lumps on one side. “Birds Eye Potato Portcullis”.
Me, new kid maintenance schlep (3rd class) on the Death Star. “So, what about these lasers is ‘turbo’ exactly?”
*lasts exactly 3 seconds before Vader force pops my head open like a ripe pomegranate*
*lasts exactly 3 seconds before Vader force pops my head open like a ripe pomegranate*
November 11, 2025 at 11:51 PM
Me, new kid maintenance schlep (3rd class) on the Death Star. “So, what about these lasers is ‘turbo’ exactly?”
*lasts exactly 3 seconds before Vader force pops my head open like a ripe pomegranate*
*lasts exactly 3 seconds before Vader force pops my head open like a ripe pomegranate*
Looking in the mirror at approaching mid-50s me but seeing the teen I once was. “Yeah, still got it” I whisper to myself. (The bent nose from when it was broken while swimming and I was kicked underwater in the face).
November 11, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Looking in the mirror at approaching mid-50s me but seeing the teen I once was. “Yeah, still got it” I whisper to myself. (The bent nose from when it was broken while swimming and I was kicked underwater in the face).
I am not minimising any of the terrible aspects of the phone hacking scandal but seriously, what did they expect to discover Jamie Theakeston was up to?
November 11, 2025 at 7:12 PM
I am not minimising any of the terrible aspects of the phone hacking scandal but seriously, what did they expect to discover Jamie Theakeston was up to?
@hansmollman.bsky.social you’re being quoted on Facebook
November 11, 2025 at 7:10 PM
@hansmollman.bsky.social you’re being quoted on Facebook
You know when your mind hiccups in between reaching for two similar words and you accidentally compound the two and spurt that out of your mouth? Example: ‘Cog’ and Sprocket and you say ‘Cocket’? That’s my best one so far. More tea, Vicar?
November 11, 2025 at 6:55 PM
You know when your mind hiccups in between reaching for two similar words and you accidentally compound the two and spurt that out of your mouth? Example: ‘Cog’ and Sprocket and you say ‘Cocket’? That’s my best one so far. More tea, Vicar?
NOW PAY ATTENTION 00*.*
November 11, 2025 at 1:09 PM
NOW PAY ATTENTION 00*.*
Surely it is the piss-easy piece of doddle to say Bond got slightly singed in the explosion because the missiles were aborted a split second early but he had to have reconstructive plastic surgery which is why he now looks like Miles Jupp?
November 11, 2025 at 11:42 AM
Surely it is the piss-easy piece of doddle to say Bond got slightly singed in the explosion because the missiles were aborted a split second early but he had to have reconstructive plastic surgery which is why he now looks like Miles Jupp?
'Compton Rules of Acquisition'
November 10, 2025 at 11:11 PM
'Compton Rules of Acquisition'
THIS. THIS IS THE STATE OF THINGS THEY CLAIM ARE FOR MAKING MUSIC THESE DAYS. THIS FUCKING FISHER PRICE ACTIVITY CENTRE FOR TODDLERS THAT THEY WANT £350 FOR. TO SOUND LIKE BAD SL2 ON A RAGGA TIP. FUCK ME.
November 10, 2025 at 1:18 PM
THIS. THIS IS THE STATE OF THINGS THEY CLAIM ARE FOR MAKING MUSIC THESE DAYS. THIS FUCKING FISHER PRICE ACTIVITY CENTRE FOR TODDLERS THAT THEY WANT £350 FOR. TO SOUND LIKE BAD SL2 ON A RAGGA TIP. FUCK ME.
Downloading it over BitTorrent no doubt. It’ll be 15 minutes then 88 weeks depending on how often you check.
November 10, 2025 at 12:13 PM
Downloading it over BitTorrent no doubt. It’ll be 15 minutes then 88 weeks depending on how often you check.
Well someone at Brother’s getting sacked.
Button press ‘O’ then ‘0’. Label printed, ‘O’ then ‘0’. Character map on LCD screen, ‘0’ then ‘O’.
Button press ‘O’ then ‘0’. Label printed, ‘O’ then ‘0’. Character map on LCD screen, ‘0’ then ‘O’.
November 10, 2025 at 11:47 AM
Well someone at Brother’s getting sacked.
Button press ‘O’ then ‘0’. Label printed, ‘O’ then ‘0’. Character map on LCD screen, ‘0’ then ‘O’.
Button press ‘O’ then ‘0’. Label printed, ‘O’ then ‘0’. Character map on LCD screen, ‘0’ then ‘O’.
It is assumed / presumed that if you listened to andnliked Iron Maiden in thr 1980s that you MUST ALSO know all about/love Judas Priest and Saxon and it quite simply is not the case. Then Metallica/Megadeth. Also Nope.
What is your biggest musical blindspot for someone precisely your age?
For me - an elder millennial - it is that I have never knowingly listened to INCUBUS, nor could I name even one of their songs if you put a gun to my head.
For me - an elder millennial - it is that I have never knowingly listened to INCUBUS, nor could I name even one of their songs if you put a gun to my head.
November 10, 2025 at 10:12 AM
It is assumed / presumed that if you listened to andnliked Iron Maiden in thr 1980s that you MUST ALSO know all about/love Judas Priest and Saxon and it quite simply is not the case. Then Metallica/Megadeth. Also Nope.
There was a large push to recruit people into teaching a couple of decades ago but quite frankly it seems like all the rules and nanny state-ism have taken the fun out of being a teacher since I was a kid. I thought teaching was a safe space for alcoholics and sociopaths and perverts. No more.
November 10, 2025 at 12:26 AM
There was a large push to recruit people into teaching a couple of decades ago but quite frankly it seems like all the rules and nanny state-ism have taken the fun out of being a teacher since I was a kid. I thought teaching was a safe space for alcoholics and sociopaths and perverts. No more.
If Caractacus Potts had invented a proper ignition spark retardation and advance mechanism for engines instead of a labour intensive way to fry a fucking egg, the film would have just been called “Chitty”.
November 10, 2025 at 12:10 AM
If Caractacus Potts had invented a proper ignition spark retardation and advance mechanism for engines instead of a labour intensive way to fry a fucking egg, the film would have just been called “Chitty”.
XMAS advert, already annoying by having Slade's perennial track flying about for the umpteenth time, made more annoying by having it sung by a child's choir (ick) and then doubled down by having them sing it in an American accent (FUCK!)
November 9, 2025 at 7:58 PM
XMAS advert, already annoying by having Slade's perennial track flying about for the umpteenth time, made more annoying by having it sung by a child's choir (ick) and then doubled down by having them sing it in an American accent (FUCK!)
Starship captains- If you *have* to say 'Evasive manouevres!' could you not agree to something that has a couple fewer syllables, or even better, just have ONE big fuckoff button (Preferably marked FUCKOFF!) ?
November 9, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Starship captains- If you *have* to say 'Evasive manouevres!' could you not agree to something that has a couple fewer syllables, or even better, just have ONE big fuckoff button (Preferably marked FUCKOFF!) ?
The existence of R2-D2 implies the eventual existence of 4R5-OL3
November 9, 2025 at 5:41 PM
The existence of R2-D2 implies the eventual existence of 4R5-OL3
If I didn’t like David Bowie or I had a news story about him throwing up I would refer to him as ‘The Thin White Puke’ but I don’t and I don’t so I can’t.
November 9, 2025 at 5:34 PM
If I didn’t like David Bowie or I had a news story about him throwing up I would refer to him as ‘The Thin White Puke’ but I don’t and I don’t so I can’t.
"Where's your fucking poppy?"
November 9, 2025 at 4:19 PM
"Where's your fucking poppy?"