This isn’t a yearning for rekindling or anything of the sort. Just a reflection of me and my growth this far. And where my priorities lie. And also where I gotta do better at going forward.

I felt cared for in a way that I could tangibly feel. Not in other ways where other women would poke and prod for the sake of knowing. Lo made me feel understood but not in a motherly way. But as a peer.

Often realizing that the same openness or safety was hardly reciprocated I became often insulated. And I think that’s the part where I thought I missed Lo the most. Because it didn’t feel like work. It felt like the closest I’ve had to a true friendship in that manner.

An open pasture of peace and safety. Where thoughts and feelings could be expressed to me or time without ends. A freedom that overcame them. Which often led to attraction of some sorts. I didn’t do these things in any pursuit of sexual advances. Things just happened.

I’m not the finest man in the world. I’m definitely top 100. But even still. It be weird when that happens. And the funny thing is that 2015 me would be beaming with the attention. That’s all he ever really wanted. But it’s not worth it. Tbh.

When I’m around fine women or strippers in the wild I can see the peers around me clam up and melt. But yes they are attractive people but they still people. It’s ok. They not items In a museum or animals at the zoo. And I feel that happens a lot.

That’s how I feel too. But alas.

As for me tho. How you are is how you are. And I’m ok with that. Not saying it should be like that as a standard.

I feel like any attempt in an alteration in that is a two way street. As well as a slippery slope. But as we get older I’m realizing that may come with change. For some. And that’s ok.

This really the finest I’ve ever been this far and I only getting finer.

The last 4 days been life changing. I got some habits I need to break. I see my potential in alot of things. And I need to get my shit together. I’m doing great and I’m fucking up all in the same breath

One time this girl told me I have way too many fine homegirls to be straight.