What? There is only one use of the passive voice in this excerpt, and that explicity states the agent of the verb, and indeed inverting it to use the active voice would have just sounded weird.

Dropped my pants in front of a police officer and everything.

Meh, when I was fourteen, I had to go to hospital to be resuscitated after downing a bottle of vodka in one, and I turned out ok.

Oh, hang on a minute...

Consistently tried to make my writing worse by enforcing 'rules' that its makers clearly didn't actually understand. I blame Strunk and White, as I always do.

The day that Grammarly told me to change every instance of till to 'til was the day I uninstalled it. That was about an hour after I installed it.

There are several companies that I am boycotting and I have long since forgotten why.

And still I have a Tory MP with a comfortable majority, as has been the case for my entire life.

I assume the 'Milk Duds' are in the wrong place.

I have forgotten. It was a long time ago.

Ed knows, I have tried, but apparently my ears are impervious.

I take a dump of all my social media every few months. It wouldn't be a tragedy if I lost my minimal Twitter output, but I would be saddened to lose my FB history.