One of my favorite fun facts is why the TMNT are named after artists (it’s because the type of turtle they are is a “painted turtle”). I told my nephew about this and he immediately replied that there should be a Bob Ross turtle. So rather than explain the renaissance movement to him, I-

One day you’re young, partying, doing drugs, and then before you know it you’re watching the livestream of a bird-feeder and naming one “Grackleberry Finn” in the family group chat

I slowed down video I took at the wildlife rescue/sanctuary I went to today then added Slayer and-

When a new employee joins my team, I like to add their birthday as a recurring event in my work calendar so I can drop them a nice note every year. Outlook always asks me if there's an end date to the recurrence, which, I mean... technically....? 😬

Sometimes, when I am talking, my brain switches topics and I'll just start talking about a different or former topic without any warning or context to the other person. I forget other people aren't reading along with me in their book and didn't hear the chime to turn the page.

LOL. Nice try, Subaru.

You know who can fuck all the way off? Composers of hold music. Let's keep playing the same instrumental song for an hour! That'll make callers happy and not annoyed at all! Let's add in a crescendo! And a woman who chimes in every minute to make you think someone answered, but is a recording! Yeah!

Happy New Year, friends! Remember: That which does not kill us wins reelection and tries again.

Be vigilant and keep a good humor about your every day and spread laughter and good will. It’s the best inoculation against autocracy and idiocy.

I've washed my face and applied my night cream in advance of bedtime tonight, and now I'm ready to party! AKA fall asleep on the couch while attempting to make it until midnight. 🥳

Me, watching Unsolved Mysteries and hoping they'll solve this one by the end of the episode. Every. Single. Time.

Today was garbage. I'm so tired of white male fragility around topics of diversity and inclusion. If you immediately become defensive and clench up your asshole up at the mere mention of the terms D&I or DEI, then PERHAPS YOU SHOULD REFLECT UPON THAT! 🤔

The Onion acquiring Infowars happened because BlueSky made a joke to @bencollins.bsky.social, and @bencollins.bsky.social working to acquire The Onion happened because he made a joke on BlueSky.

Basically, joke about your dreams on BlueSky, it's a wish factory.

Look what we got into USA Today.

Funny because true.