why did i have to get fucking sexually assaulted. why did i have to be forced to suppress things i feel because i was deemed an embarrassment

i have technical skill but i have zero consistency. i cant even bother to self express my own fucking emotions into pieces because it makes me stressed and upset. i cant have normal problems that are self expressable i have to have the ones that make me freeze up and cry

shit already was kinda censored but i have a bad feeling it's going to get worse from here.. bonding with people who also enjoy what we enjoy is the most we can do, sadly.

no one revolting is my worst fear

like when every system meant to "correct" "who you are" ends up intensifying "who you are" it's quite funny