I hope all you folks who live to talk shit about fake noses in movies didn’t blow your full loads on Bradley Cooper’s Leonard Bernstein.

You can’t tell me there aren’t impressionable kids who saw this image and thought, Well, okay, there it is, I guess I’m a Satanist now.

SPOILER ALERT:

So Miriam Shor was on this show for a while. Turns out she can twitch real good.

For the love of God, no. don’t take him out of the White House! Death will never come for him there, he’s afraid of Nick Offerman!

President Garfield has been shot. It’s terrible, but he’s still alive, still conscious, with proper care and attention, they may be able to pull him back from the brink.

[Željko Ivanek enters, carrying a medical bag]

Aw, that’s a shame, Jim was a nice guy.

Now taking the stage: James G. Blaine, “the continental liar from the state of Maine.” This is shaping up as a fun watch for those of us who have made an amateur study of American history for the wrong reasons.

Directed by Gavin Belson, I tell you!

Robert Klein used to do a routine about how the single thing history remembers about Garfield is that he was shot by a disappointed office seeker. (“You look up ‘Garfield, James Abram’ in the encyclopedia, it says, ‘See office seeker, disappointed.”)

If your curiosity is aroused, I can tell you it’s well worth acquiring a sleepy puppy with PTSD and a copy of “The World by Storm.”