Alexandra Petri
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petridishes.bsky.social
Alexandra Petri
@petridishes.bsky.social
110K followers 640 following 920 posts
I’m not in James Thurber’s attic any more! right now I’m home yay ! I’m the one who writes this column https://www.theatlantic.com/author/alexandra-petri/ and loves puns
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petridishes.bsky.social
much to unpack in the Katie Miller podcast interview with the Johnsons www.nytimes.com/2025/11/26/u...
Neither could name a single thing that they disagree about. They even agreed that men's brains are like waffles — good at compartmentalizing — and women's brains are like a mess of spaghetti and meatballs. Mr. Johnson's dream dinner party was revealed to be eating salmon with Jesus, George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. But when would he possibly have the time? "The all-in commitment - we had no idea," he said when asked what was the most unanticipated part of assuming the gavel. "That's the most surprising." Annie Karni is a congressional correspondent for The Times
November 26, 2025 at 8:59 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
I made ballots! We set up anonymous turkey stations!
Turkey ballots ranking turkeys on a scale of moistness (very dry… perfectly moist…too wet); texture (needed hacksaw/fell apart); flavor (bland… perfection… too much); hue (etiolated…exquisite…charred); skin (still raw…perfect…burned); overall (bad…better…best) with a space for additional thoughts and Was it toothsome? (Y/N) anonymous Turkey stations full of meat that say “hello I am Turkey 1” and “hello I am Turkey 2” a notebook full of math for the completed ballots
November 25, 2025 at 2:47 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
Did Women Ruin The Workplace
Adam and Eve under an apple tree with a snake sort of peering down at them
November 7, 2025 at 2:43 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
so the three year-old told me she wants her baby brother to be “a little mean rock” for Halloween and I took this directive really seriously
homemade fleece costume of a little mean rock with big eyes and angry felt eyebrows
October 31, 2025 at 7:58 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
if the Trump Hegseth address had been an email www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
To: Entire Military Leadership of the United States, Stationed All Over the World, Who Would Have to Be Flown In Very Disruptively and Expensively If This Weren't an Email but for Some Reason Were an Urgent In-Person Address From: Pete Hegseth CC: Donald J. Trump Subject: WARFIGHTER ETHOS PLEASE DROP EVERYTHING YOU ARE DOING TO READ THIS EMAIL AT ATTENTION. THIS IS NOT SPAM AND I AM EXTREMELY SOBER! YOU ARE TOO FAT TO FIGHT WARS!
September 30, 2025 at 10:21 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
shortened this (grim, awful) headline for you
BREAKING: Florida will work to eliminate all child [vaccine mandates crossed out] in the state, officials say
September 3, 2025 at 5:22 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
love to live in 2025
USA Today website with BREAKING NEWS: President Trump says DOJ will seek the death penalty for anyone charged with murder in Washington, DC and Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged: Live updates on proposal, see the ring
August 26, 2025 at 7:10 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
the sandwich crimes unit contemplates the incident
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
Detective F: Not all the sandwiches were harmless. Some were clubs. People were too frightened of sandwiches to build a Subway in Georgetown. Officer K: I still have a scar from when I took a meatball sub to the chin in '96 and, afterward, got into an unrelated knife fight. Officer J: I started here after transferring from the bread-crimes division in France. I spent decades hunting down a man who stole bread one time. My name is Javert, but that's not important. His name was Jean Valjean. I also resented him because I had just the one name and he had two.
August 19, 2025 at 10:58 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
Stephen Miller is right: crime is rampant in DC www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
Instead, the National Guard ought to focus on tackling the major terror on the streets of this city! Why, at any moment you or your neighbor could get yanked into an unmarked van by a masked man, without any regard for habeas corpus. Los Angeles all over again! How can anyone feel safe while this keeps happening? People who are trying to do everything the right way, snatched from hallways after their court hearings. Professors, detained after expressing their views. Americans who just want to work hard and support their families, petrified to go to work every day because of the shameless wrongdoers in D.C. and what they have unleashed. And whoever masterminded the abduction of so many people-seized without due process and whisked away to a foreign gulag-is still at large, and staring back at Stephen every time he looks into a mirror. Not safe, not safe!
August 13, 2025 at 8:53 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
reskeet with a tweet you still think about
Sean T. Collins @theseantcollins JESUS CHRIST (ninth hour): Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? GOOFY (present at the crucifixion): Gawrsh 2:37 PM • 1/29/19 from Earth
August 12, 2025 at 3:14 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
I reach into my pocket for my roadkill sandwich. A part of the Fitness Test is whether we can successfully consume what the Secretary calls Gold-Standard Meat. He says it will "rewild" our stomachs. For too long, humans have been coasting along digesting "indoor food," which he says is why nobody is sailing ships around Cape Horn anymore or constructing good Chichén Itzás, like they used to. ("When was the last time you saw Christopher Columbus?" he asked on the radio recently. "We're going to bring all of that back.") "Bear?" Greg says, hopefully. I shake my head. "Mystery."
August 7, 2025 at 8:18 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
here is how I am guessing they will fix all the park tours www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
Statue of Liberty: For years, people have made a big deal about how good she looks as you approach, but imagine how nice shed look if you were leaving. Please disregard the poem; we are trying to remove it.
August 5, 2025 at 3:24 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
Indeed, I got a look at new missions being contemplated by Duffy's combined Department of Transportation/NASA, and they are, frankly, a little bleak: • Fake a moon landing, but on a much worse, dinkier soundstage this time. • Communicate with extraterrestrial life, but in a hostile, careless way that compels them to immediately attack Earth. • Space tariffs???
July 14, 2025 at 5:01 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
microretirement????

okay that is enough novel workforce trends I think www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
Before arriving at her shared work location, the worker enters a crowded underground car to engage in a Tiny Detox, a new workforce trend where the worker's phone or laptop fails to stay connected to the internet for the entire ride, giving the worker a refreshing break for sometimes the whole length of a tunnel! Many bosses frown on this trend, suggesting that it doesn't really offer any mental-health benefits and the loss of productivity can be costly—as can its companion trend, the Mile High Detox (no internet on a plane). For the course of her Tiny Detox, the worker stares out the window.
July 7, 2025 at 11:25 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
As your own dreams shrivel, remember that someone, somewhere is being made even more miserable than you! That's the new American dream: that someone is being punished in your name. And, somewhere else, a billionaire is happy. Your personal billionaire! Look, he's smiling and giving a big thumbs-up! Already, your tax dollars are being put to good use.
July 1, 2025 at 4:14 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
The Big, Beautiful Bill assigns each American a billionaire who will live the American dream for you. You can check in on your billionaire at intervals and see how he is using your money. Maybe he's building a 19th pool. Maybe he's buying himself some formerly public land! Maybe he's taking a Supreme Court justice on a dream vacation! Maybe he is reupholstering the Statue of Liberty to hide the poem.
July 1, 2025 at 11:58 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/...
As a member of ICE, you may be wondering: How are the people we thrust into our vans supposed to know that we are, in fact, acting under color of law and not just kidnapping them? Can I really do this job while wearing either an Army uniform that I have assembled myself in a confusing, over-the-top way or the same T-shirt I just wore to my failed custody hearing?
June 24, 2025 at 11:06 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
personally would not describe the myth of a man cursed to roll a rock uphill FRUITLESSLY FOR ALL ETERNITY as “a reminder that you can overcome anything” but you do you, meta ad
a picture of a necklace with a figure on it who is pushing some kind of pearl or bauble up the necklace chain, labeled “the Sisyphus necklace”… “a reminder that you can overcome anything”
March 5, 2025 at 5:12 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
while we wait here’s my column on compromise wapo.st/40h75BM
Listen, I'm not naive. I know that every indication so far has been that only one side is willing to compromise on anything. That gives us bargaining power! Or is it the other side that gets the bargaining power ...? Hang on, let me go look this up. This feels important to get right! Well, let me keep going with my argument, but I will come back and look this up. Don't let me forget!
January 3, 2025 at 7:08 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
everything about this new Meta AI bot is so dystopian but for me the AI-generated images of nonexistent donated coats is up there
AI-generated image of boxes of coats for donation with a caption that reads “kicking off the new year in service of our community”
January 3, 2025 at 1:58 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
unfortunately by the time I realized that Rex the mystery-solving lion was supposed to be British I had already fully committed to a Benoit Blanc accent
illustration of a nattily dressed lion in a red and yellow striped jacket and white pants, holding a hat with a red and blue ribbon
November 28, 2024 at 5:44 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
finally reading the Autocrat of the Breakfast Table and it turns out Oliver Wendell Holmes hates puns with a violent passion? but I’m sorry what is this Sidney pun even supposed to be
And, once more, listen to the historian. "The Puritans hated puns. The Bishops were notoriously addicted to them. The Lords Temporal carried them to the verge of license. Majesty itself must have its Royal quibble. 'Ye be burly, my Lord of Burleigh, said Queen Elizabeth, 'but ye shall make less stir in our realm than my Lord of Leicester. The gravest wisdom and the highest breeding lent their sanction to the practice. Lord Bacon playfully declared himself a descendant of 'Og, the King of Bashan. Sir Philip Sidney, with his last breath, reproached the soldier who brought him water, for wasting a casque-ful upon a dying man. A courtier, who saw "Othello"
November 27, 2024 at 4:53 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
oh boy my YouTube Music 2024 Recap (I know I know) is here if you want to watch my musical taste swim upstream against the preschooler’s need to listen to at least one number from CATS every night
YouTube review listing “Your top track” as “Mr Mistoffelees from cats the Musical” : first listen date Jan 4, total listen time 136 minutes YouTube year in review announcing These are the top 5 songs on your 2024 soundtrack 1. 'Mr. Mistoffelees' | Cats The Shows Must Go On! 21 total listens 2. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer |... The Shows Must Go On! 3. 'The Rum Tum Tugger' John ... The Shows Must Go On! 4. HIGHWAYMEN City of New Orleans (Live at ... The Highwaymen 5. 'Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats' The Shows Must Go On! 2024 Recap Top artists The Highwaymen Chappell Roan Taylor Swift Orville Peck Dan Reeder Total time 4,297 minutes My Music Character The Time Traveler Your listening traversed the decades, melodically exploring eras all year long Top tracks 'Mr. Mistoffelees' | Cats The Musical Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer Cats T... 'The Rum Tum Tugger' John Partridge | Cats ... City of New Orleans (Live at Nassau... *Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats'
November 23, 2024 at 12:00 AM
petridishes.bsky.social
i wasn’t wrong!
honestly the Star Wars saga is just the story of three generations of people bullying c3po
November 20, 2024 at 7:51 PM
petridishes.bsky.social
it’s the apparently famous Marian Burros one!
Plum torte recipe ¾ to 1cup sugar ½cup unsalted butter, softened 1cup unbleached flour, sifted 1teaspoon baking powder Pinch of salt (optional) 2eggs 24halves pitted purple plums Sugar, lemon juice and cinnamon, for topping Step 1 Heat oven to 350 degrees. Step 2 Cream the sugar and butter in a bowl. Add the flour, baking powder, salt and eggs and beat well. Step 3 Spoon the batter into a springform pan of 8, 9 or 10 inches. Place the plum halves skin side up on top of the batter. Sprinkle lightly with sugar and lemon juice, depending on the sweetness of the fruit. Sprinkle with about 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, depending on how much you like cinnamon. Step 4 Bake 1 hour, approximately. Remove and cool; refrigerate or freeze if desired. Or cool to lukewarm and serve plain or with whipped cream. (To serve a torte that was frozen, defrost and reheat it briefly at 300 degrees.) Tip To freeze, double-wrap the torte in foil, place in a plastic bag and seal.
November 11, 2024 at 6:15 PM