Pessimus Prime
@pessimusprime.bsky.social
I invented the internet
See mah tweets
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7nvnng43seboe73s5khzmkfw/feed/aaaloenm2yxgs
See mah tweets
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7nvnng43seboe73s5khzmkfw/feed/aaaloenm2yxgs
Describing something as being on its last legs implies that legs are expendable and they are lost with age. I can only assume, therefore, that the phrase was coined by millipedes. Millipedes do not shed legs with age, but they could afford to lose a few. Imagine a 3 legged millipede...
November 14, 2025 at 9:40 AM
Describing something as being on its last legs implies that legs are expendable and they are lost with age. I can only assume, therefore, that the phrase was coined by millipedes. Millipedes do not shed legs with age, but they could afford to lose a few. Imagine a 3 legged millipede...
People say Chat GPT isn't intelligent but it refused to create an image based on my prompt "laddy donglegs", so I reckon it's got something going on
November 13, 2025 at 9:06 PM
People say Chat GPT isn't intelligent but it refused to create an image based on my prompt "laddy donglegs", so I reckon it's got something going on
Silly rabbit, don't you know, there's no such thing as Mark Ruffalo?
November 13, 2025 at 8:46 PM
Silly rabbit, don't you know, there's no such thing as Mark Ruffalo?
Reposted by Pessimus Prime
I know which one I'm ticking.
November 13, 2025 at 10:15 AM
I know which one I'm ticking.
Reposted by Pessimus Prime
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
December 2, 2024 at 11:31 AM
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
"I'll have the All Day Breakfast" I said. "Sounds fun" I said. That was 5 hours ago, there are 3 hours to go, I can't manage another sausage. Please, end this now. Help
November 9, 2025 at 6:17 PM
"I'll have the All Day Breakfast" I said. "Sounds fun" I said. That was 5 hours ago, there are 3 hours to go, I can't manage another sausage. Please, end this now. Help
Reposted by Pessimus Prime
[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.
January 13, 2025 at 1:15 AM
[willem dafoe unprompted] now, this cookie monster. [toothy smile] what a creature, what a lust. it consumes him. [crosses legs] he’s really a tragic figure.
I personally think Elon Musk becoming a trillionaire is a good thing. He's worked hard and deserves to have accrued the equivalent of >$2m for every single hour of his life. This is a perfectly normal thing and the fact that people die because they can't access clean drinking water is irrelevant
November 7, 2025 at 6:01 PM
I personally think Elon Musk becoming a trillionaire is a good thing. He's worked hard and deserves to have accrued the equivalent of >$2m for every single hour of his life. This is a perfectly normal thing and the fact that people die because they can't access clean drinking water is irrelevant
First time I ever "had coffee" was at her house, after our third date. Genuinely life changing moment. Second time I had coffee, I got banned from Starbucks
November 5, 2025 at 6:25 PM
First time I ever "had coffee" was at her house, after our third date. Genuinely life changing moment. Second time I had coffee, I got banned from Starbucks
The Matrix but Neo takes the other pill & forgets everything. We follow a day in his mundane life: goes to work, gets in trouble with a manager for something that really wasn't his fault, has a pretty good sandwich for lunch, goes home, watches a surprisingly interesting documentary on baskets
November 3, 2025 at 8:01 PM
The Matrix but Neo takes the other pill & forgets everything. We follow a day in his mundane life: goes to work, gets in trouble with a manager for something that really wasn't his fault, has a pretty good sandwich for lunch, goes home, watches a surprisingly interesting documentary on baskets
I think some phrases need modernising to account for inflation, but that's just my 10 pence worth
November 3, 2025 at 6:33 PM
I think some phrases need modernising to account for inflation, but that's just my 10 pence worth
I firmly believe that if you are in the sign printing business then you are obligated to check the grammar before printing
November 3, 2025 at 12:22 PM
I firmly believe that if you are in the sign printing business then you are obligated to check the grammar before printing
A dead goose is called a ghoost
October 31, 2025 at 8:46 AM
A dead goose is called a ghoost
[2000]
Me: Oh my god, there's been a murder on the dancefloor
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: *starting to hum a tune* murder on the dancefloor...
Me: Are you singing? What?
SEB: But you better not kill the groove!
Me:
SEB: DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down!
Me: Someone's dead
Me: Oh my god, there's been a murder on the dancefloor
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: *starting to hum a tune* murder on the dancefloor...
Me: Are you singing? What?
SEB: But you better not kill the groove!
Me:
SEB: DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down!
Me: Someone's dead
October 27, 2025 at 8:59 PM
[2000]
Me: Oh my god, there's been a murder on the dancefloor
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: *starting to hum a tune* murder on the dancefloor...
Me: Are you singing? What?
SEB: But you better not kill the groove!
Me:
SEB: DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down!
Me: Someone's dead
Me: Oh my god, there's been a murder on the dancefloor
Sophie Ellis-Bextor: *starting to hum a tune* murder on the dancefloor...
Me: Are you singing? What?
SEB: But you better not kill the groove!
Me:
SEB: DJ, gonna burn this goddamn house right down!
Me: Someone's dead
You can live a very healthy* lifestyle by eating crisps for every meal. I am living** proof
* My doctor disagrees
** My doctor says this might not last
* My doctor disagrees
** My doctor says this might not last
October 25, 2025 at 2:23 PM
You can live a very healthy* lifestyle by eating crisps for every meal. I am living** proof
* My doctor disagrees
** My doctor says this might not last
* My doctor disagrees
** My doctor says this might not last
On your 18th birthday this dude in a trenchcoat starts walking alongside you and says "psst, kid, there's no rule that a serving of biscuits is 2. It's a lie adults tell kids. You can eat as many as you like" and then he disappears
October 25, 2025 at 9:50 AM
On your 18th birthday this dude in a trenchcoat starts walking alongside you and says "psst, kid, there's no rule that a serving of biscuits is 2. It's a lie adults tell kids. You can eat as many as you like" and then he disappears
Had a fever dream about cream cheese. Absolutely dairy lea-us
October 22, 2025 at 10:39 AM
Had a fever dream about cream cheese. Absolutely dairy lea-us
Reposted by Pessimus Prime
Werner Herzog voice: And this man, Joe, known for his Cotton Eye, where did he come from? And, perhaps more importantly for our story, where did he go?
October 19, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Werner Herzog voice: And this man, Joe, known for his Cotton Eye, where did he come from? And, perhaps more importantly for our story, where did he go?
Werner Herzog voice: And this man, Joe, known for his Cotton Eye, where did he come from? And, perhaps more importantly for our story, where did he go?
October 19, 2025 at 7:57 PM
Werner Herzog voice: And this man, Joe, known for his Cotton Eye, where did he come from? And, perhaps more importantly for our story, where did he go?
The song "Cotton Eyed Joe" raises more questions about the eponymous protagonist than it answers
October 19, 2025 at 7:01 PM
The song "Cotton Eyed Joe" raises more questions about the eponymous protagonist than it answers
Broke chatGPT by asking it to reroute its own encryptions
October 8, 2025 at 5:21 PM
Broke chatGPT by asking it to reroute its own encryptions
I'm *puts the phone to my ear* old
October 2, 2025 at 8:37 AM
I'm *puts the phone to my ear* old
I remember seeing or hearing a talk once where the bloke or woman said how paying attention was important (or something like that). Changed my life.
October 2, 2025 at 7:30 AM
I remember seeing or hearing a talk once where the bloke or woman said how paying attention was important (or something like that). Changed my life.
Was down at the aquarium, yeah, and this guy knighted a long fish. Sir eel
September 25, 2025 at 9:22 PM
Was down at the aquarium, yeah, and this guy knighted a long fish. Sir eel
Reviews of Wonka's factory
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
"Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas"
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Turned me into a fucking blueberry"
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
"Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas"
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Turned me into a fucking blueberry"
September 25, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Reviews of Wonka's factory
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
"Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas"
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Turned me into a fucking blueberry"
⭐⭐⭐⭐☆
"Fun tour, loved the Oompa Loompas"
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
"DELICIOUS! Chocolate river - WHAT?! Mind blown"
⭐☆☆☆☆
"Turned me into a fucking blueberry"