Be outdoors. Which I love. But I need art.

Which. It’s crowded on Saturday nights. And now it’s cold. Id rather go out on a weekday, at least it’s chill.
I wish he wanted to get me a hotel room every single weekend and do nasty things to me in it.
Sunday: go to Santa Fe and look at art. Have coffee and stroll around. I think he’ll want to

I was counting on growing old with her. After 24 years. My dear dear friend. Her poor family.

And it happened in Mexico. She was on vacation.

I can’t grapple with it. I can’t accept the loss.

I honestly really can’t process it. I’m stuck. I need her.

After 6 months of no sex and him not really letting me into his life, social world, holding me at arms length in every way for about a year and 4 mo, I’m FINALLY getting SOMEWHAT ready to leave.

Things aren’t where I’d like them to be and it’s just very hard to spend time w him.