Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD
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ofmdzb.bsky.social
Zuckerbaby_1 Secret Owner of 'alf a Pyramid #LongLiveOFMD
@ofmdzb.bsky.social
1.2K followers 910 following 5.7K posts
#OurFlagMeansDeath, fanfic writer, 50 (how?), vegan, PsA, CPTSD, ADHD. they/he/she. Reposts NSFW art & fic.

Pfp by https://bsky.app/profile/libroseitm.bsky.social

Zuckerbaby_1 on A03 https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zuckerbaby_1/profile

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ofmdzb.bsky.social
Episode 6 of Your Time Starts Now wraps up in Part 3!

Stede is anxious, Ed accepts many gifts, and Izzy gets about a bit.

archiveofourown.org/works/706141...

There will be another hiatus after Episode 6. I really want to get the fic wrapped this year [glances at date] but that may not happen. 🙃😂
A title card with a patterned purple and black background. The text reads Your Time Starts Now by Zuckerbaby_1. There is a graphic of an envelope with a purple seal, which reads Taskmaster AU.
December 4, 2025 at 12:27 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
And today Momo has decided that the harness, but more so the leash, are anathema to her. She did the classic flopping onto her side & even opening the screen door to the freedom of outside would not make her budge. She wants to go outside, but she demands to not be restrained!
A rotund white cat with tabby patches, wearing a pink harness with a leash attached to it, lying on her side in the classic cat reaction to harnesses: 'topple over and refuse to move'.
December 4, 2025 at 2:14 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Another sneaky #OFMD #WIPWednesday, for something which may or may not go somewhere, but that wouldn't let me go until I'd gotten it down. It was fun to write, if only to parlay one of my own Oblivious ZB moments into an experience for Stede.
Rather than taking his drink and disappearing back into the crowd, Ed leaned on the bar and asked, "Enjoying the gig?" He took a deep gulp of his beer, his dark brown eyes sincere. Stede mutely nodded in answer to the question, lost for words as he took in the full Ed look, so different to his own. Ed was wearing all black, a contrast to the crisp whites and beiges Stede was sporting. Boots and black jeans and a loose black tshirt that had some sort of pattern on it. Stede found himself squinting at it, feeling as if he should recognise the pattern, as if there was some sort of meaning to it, and flushed when Ed laughed at his obvious staring. "It's a magic eye kind of thing, mate," he explained, gesturing at it. "Not a picture, though, it's words. Let me know if you get it." "Oh, I don't mean to stare," Stede rushed out, guilt gripping him at being called out for his rudeness. "Stare away, mate. I don't mind. Kinda interested to see if you get it, to be honest." Ed winked, Stede wasn't sure why, but he'd given permission to stare and Stede loved a puzzle, so he finished off the remains of his whiskey and picked up the glass that Ed had bought him. He crouched down slightly, narrowing his eyes at the pattern, moving his head back, tilting it, unfocussing his eyes as he did. The pattern coalesced teasingly, almost coming into focus before slipping away from him again. He shook his head, deciding that perhaps it was better to try and sneak up on it, and that maybe he needed to wear his reading glasses. He was going to decode it, though, if it bloody killed him. He took another sip of his drink, about to ask Ed a question about the band, only to find that he'd turned his attention back to the stage, head bobbing, foot tapping, though his body was still angled towards Stede. There was a knowing smile on his face, practically daring Stede to fail at reading the tshirt. Right. Fine. Stede Bonnet was not one to back down from a challenge. He set down his drink, and pulled his reading glasses from the top pocket of his waistcoat. After he'd put them on he concentrated again, focussing and unfocussing his eyes, and all of a sudden the words swam into focus. "If... You...Can't... Read.…..This," he read out loud, squinting and not noticing the proud grin Ed was now sporting. "You...Masturbate...Too..Much." Stede felt a blush begin at his bloody toes, washing up through his body. His ears were ringing, as much from the ambient noise as from his usual response whenever anything sexual was mentioned. He didn't even masturbate that much! He found himself about to say that to Ed when Ed leaned over and asked, voice low but definitely audible over the band, "Help you out with that?" "Wow," Lucius breathed, as Stede wrapped up his offering to the 'gay awakening' conversation they'd been having over brunch. "That's a helluva gay awakening, being picked up by a hot man at a punk gig. Surprised you still got married to Mary after that." Mary, who was tucked up against her girlfriend Evelyn on the other side of the table, snorted in amusement, and Stede shot her a fondly venomous look. He took a fortifying sip of his mimosa before forcing himself to face Lucius. "You may find this difficult to believe, Lucius, but I was completely oblivious to it. It was only when I finally figured out that I wasn't straight that the memory came flooding back and a light went off. I realised, twenty years too bloody late, that he had been trying to pick me up. At the time I just said something like 'Thanks for the offer, but I don't need the help,' I believe. He finished his beer and went back to dancing and I went home."
December 3, 2025 at 3:03 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
This week's #OFMD #WIPWednesday is just a sliver of a snip from Part 3 of Episode 6 of Your Time Starts Now.

After Episode 6 ends, there may be another intermission in publishing (having a bit of a time of it right now, but Episode 7 & beyond will be ready for your eyeballs before you know it!)
Ed had finished filming the last of the outros - not doing any of the stupid shit he normally did when he was feeling bored, like he was as eager as Izzy was for this filming day to be over. The autocue rolled forward and Izzy got himself situated to kick off the relevant clip after Ed had done the introduction. "I haven't been told much about this next task," Ed read, "other than it's going to be very interesting and exciting. So let's have a look!" The upcoming task had been initiated on location at the Taskmaster house, but would get its resolution revealed live in studio. Its placement in the edit was meant to be something of a reprieve from the bombardment of Bonnet bottom that had featured so heavily thus far in the episode. In the clip, each of the contestants walked into the Taskmaster house, to be greeted by Izzy standing next to a pigeonhole with their name on it. There was a small present wrapped in green paper in the pigeonhole, and every single one of the contestants had torn into it in the messiest way possible. The present contained a task envelope within which was a folded twenty pound note. Buy the best present for the Taskmaster. Here’s twenty pounds. You have ten weeks. As the clip ended, on a shot of a crumpled twenty pound note, Ed was already bouncing up and down on his throne, clapping his hands like a bloody child. While the clip had been playing, runners had quietly delivered the various presents to all of the contestants bar Bonnet. Because of course Bonnet had to be fucking different. Twat.
December 3, 2025 at 1:03 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
3. Barrelling down the ramp and assessing where to go for today's explore.
December 3, 2025 at 2:19 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
2. Those first steps into the Outside.
December 3, 2025 at 2:16 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Some cuteness for the timeline - Momo in her harness & leash, having an explore outside. 1. Momo when the door is opened.
December 3, 2025 at 2:14 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Welcome to Part 2 of Episode 6 of Your Time Starts Now!

Stede absolutely doesn't panic, Ed has a realisation of his own and Izzy models some swimwear.

archiveofourown.org/works/706141...
Title card with a patterned dark purple and black background. Text reads Your Time Starts Now by Zuckerbaby_1. There is a graphic of an envelope with a purple wax seal, and it reads Taskmaster AU.
December 1, 2025 at 1:12 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
OMG I can't believe I missed out Weird Al on this list.
A photo of two people - on the left is Weird Al, on the right is a fat white person grinning hugely. They are sitting in front of people dressed in costumes from Star Wars.
November 29, 2025 at 10:58 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Oh, this was fun!

bskyinsights.com
A word cloud, with "fic" as the largest word, OFMD the second largest, Ed the third largest and Stede the fourth largest. Taskmaster, fuck and fucking are all prominent words also.
November 27, 2025 at 2:47 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Another #OFMD #WIPWednesday for Your Time Starts Now, with a task that...
Well, iykyk. And if you don't, you will soon (ish)!

(To commenters who wondered if this task was gonna be included? Yes. Yes it is 🤣)
Stede realised that he had absolutely no idea what task had just been introduced, had barely absorbed anything anyone had said since the scoring of the previous task. Shitshitshit. He wrenched his attention to Izzy and Ed just in time to hear Izzy say, "We're going to see all of the quick changes in real-time, so keep that in mind. They'll be in real time." Stede's stomach dropped to his toes, a swooping feeling not unlike the one he'd experienced looking down at Ed's smiling face, but this time with a far less pleasant cause. This would be the second task in a row where Stede had ended up almost naked, but this time he'd taken Izzy with him. Oh gods. Stede barely heard Izzy announce that they'd be seeing Ivan's attempt first, and forced himself to look up at the screen and ignore the anxiety coursing through him. Past Ivan was standing in the Taskmaster lab, wearing a wedding dress - complete with veil - and holding a bunch of fake sunflowers. Izzy was standing next to him, hands up in a half-hearted 'ta-da' gesture. "Give it some fucking theatre, bruv," Ivan said to Izzy, who sighed and began to wave his arms, somewhat sarcastically, before crouching down and grasping the top of the fabric tube on which Ivan was standing. Ivan said, "Here I go," and FX drum rolls played over the top as Izzy pulled up the fabric tube until it was above Ivan's head. He wiggled it a little before dropping it with a flourish, accompanied by an FX cymbal crash. Ivan was revealed, wearing his usual task outfit, but with a hot pink headband around his forehead, and a lime green leotard with its arms hooked over his shoulders, the remainder swinging free. He put his hands on his hips and flicked his locs dramatically, Izzy at his side in another 'ta-da' pose, and the clip faded to black. "Man, that was fucking incredible," Ed said to Ivan, and Stede was not going to get lost in the warmth of his voice, the sincerity of the praise. Stede was a fucking professional and he was going to be fucking professional. "We are off to an absolutely brilliant start," Ed continued, glancing out at the audience, who responded with another smattering of applause. Ed turned his attention to Izzy and asked, "Was that real-time? That was definitely a quick change." "It was four seconds, exactly," Izzy answered. "Very quick! Okay, who's next?" Izzy said, "It's Stede's attempt," and Stede felt himself tense up all over again. This task had been filmed towards the end of the location filming days, when Stede had been so utterly frustrated that he hadn't been able to make Izzy break character that he'd decided to just really go for it. Do something so ridiculous that Izzy had no option but to swear or laugh or do anything that wasn't his continuously frustrating on-screen persona. It hadn't worked. Not even a little bit.
November 26, 2025 at 10:33 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
We're back! Episode 6 ofYour Time Starts Now begins today. As a thank you for your patience/exercise in cruelty, this is a three-parter/updates over two weeks (Mon, Mon, Thurs).

Stede brings in a stopcock, Ed battles a pheasant plucker & Izzy gets gonged.

archiveofourown.org/works/706141...
A title card with patterned background in dark purple and black. The text reads: Your Time Starts Now by Zuckerbaby_1. There is a graphic of an envelope sealed with a wax blob, reading Taskmaster AU.
November 24, 2025 at 12:46 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
It's been too long between #OFMD #WIPWednesday for Your Time Starts Now, so let's get back into the swing of things with Ed being dumbstruck (horny) about Stede's task attempt.

(Episode 6 is coming sooooooooooooon.)
The clip began with Izzy in the shed, making a house of cards. The iPad alarm went off and he jumped, knocking cards everywhere and letting out a quiet "Bollocks" before he opened the door of the shed. Ed let out a small giggle when Izzy rolled his eyes at the discordant sound of air horns that greeted him when he emerged from the shed. The next shot, taken from below, revealed Stede sitting on a chair in the middle of the garden, multiple air horns sitting under his daintily heeled feet, holding a large gong striker for the frankly fucking massive gong that was next to him. Ed almost choked on his fucking tongue. Stede was almost completely naked, except for his shoes and those stockings that, Ed now realised, went halfway up those tree-trunk thighs. In fact, they just about came up to where the shorty-shorts Stede was currently wearing ended. The stockings were held up with ribbon garters in a shade of purple that Stede always called 'Edward Purple' and what the everloving fuck? And, oh shit, Ed was going to die, right here in front of a live audience and Stede and everyone, because the giant Stede on-screen had just stood up, and he was wearing 'Edward Purple' boxer briefs. He raised his arms victoriously as he alternated pressing down on the air horns under each foot. Fucking hell, he was the fucking freckled fridge of Ed's dreams and Ed's breath was nonexistent and his consciousness was threatening to fuck off to some other dimension and then… And then. Then. Dick. Fucking. Fuck. Stede lifted the gong striker, twisting his upper body, back muscles and thighs and biceps all flexing and rippling and just generally being everything Ed had ever wanted to get his mouth on. He struck the gong once, twice, three times before flinging his arms up again and jumping up and down on the air horns while cackling. Thankfully, or not, depending on whether Ed's brain or Ed's libido were in charge, the clip didn't end there. It provided Ed an excellent opportunity to wonder at the way the wintry sun lent Stede's skin a rosy glow, glinted off the scant coppery hair dusting his chest and legs, made his pert little nipples all crinkly and… Ed sucked in a deep breath and gave himself a mental splash of icy cold water, forcibly switching his attention away from the glorious sight of an unselfconscious Stede in one of the sexiest outfits Ed had ever seen. The sight of Izzy desperately trying not to look impressed or surprised went some way towards reducing Ed's torturous levels of titillation. Izzy nodded at Stede, who was beaming proudly, arms still spread wide. He pointed at the gong and commented wryly, "I think that was more surprising," before indicating Stede's state of semi-nudity, "than that." "The gong?" There was a bitchy edge to Stede's tone, as if he couldn't believe that Izzy wasn't as surprised-slash-appreciative of Stede's expanse of exposed skin as he was by the gong Stede had somehow gotten into the garden. He waved his free hand at himself. "Not this?" Oh, and now he was teasing, confident, claiming back control of the situation. Fuck, Ed loved him. Izzy blustered, "Well, uh, I guess… It's a lovely physique—" Lovely? What the fuck? "Lovely?" Stede smirked. Izzy rolled his eyes. "But the gong? Look at it. Magnificent. And way more surprising." He flicked his gaze up and down Stede and then shrugged. "I mean, to be fair, the dong and the gong - both are pretty impressive." Ed was going to fucking kill Izzy. Stede's smirk grew deeper as he leaned against the pillar holding up the brass gong and crossed his arms (oh holy fuck). "How many horns?" Izzy asked, and Stede pushed off from the gong, pressing down on all of the air horns beneath his feet. "Four," he practically purred, and all of the hair on the back of Ed's neck stood on end and goddamn how could it be that Izzy got to hear Stede sound like that? It was practically foreplay, and Ed was losing his mind. Again. Izzy clapped his hands, as if to wrap up the task. "You're a four-horn surprise!" Stede swung the striker at the gong once more, and then one more time. The shot lingered on that sight for a few beats more than Ed thought was strictly required, before the clip ended.
November 19, 2025 at 2:46 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
I am lacking words & completely exhausted& in pain from social activities over the two previous days. Please enjoy Momo in our new home, sitting in a ridiculous manner.
A rotund white cat with tabby patches and tail, green eyes and a pink nose, sitting on a patterned rug in front of glass doors and patterned bricks, her paws set out in a ridiculous manner, staring judgmentally at the camera. A rotund white cat with tabby patches and tail, green eyes and a pink nose, sitting on a patterned rug in front of glass doors and patterned bricks, her paws set out in a ridiculous manner, staring judgmentally at someone to the other side of the camera.
November 18, 2025 at 5:00 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Birthday happies to you!
A bts pic shared by and featuring Rhys Darby dressed in the British navy uniform from S2E8 of Our Flag Means Death.
November 17, 2025 at 4:29 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Birthday happies!!
Bts photo of Rhys in the cursed suit. Bts photo of Rhys sitting on a chair clutching a cat-shaped warming pad thingy. Bts photo of Taika as Ed, standing over Stede the first time they meet. Bts photo of Taika without Ed's jacket, holding a coffee.
November 13, 2025 at 11:34 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Gypsy illustrated a children's book (with monsters)! www.instagram.com/p/DQ5Qgu7knd...
A screenshot of Gypsy Taylor's Instagram post, with the front cover of a children's book titled Row, Row, Row Your Boat (With Monsters).
November 11, 2025 at 12:28 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Moving house two hours away whilst chronically ill & learning to live with someone else when you haven't shared a house for 2 decades takes a toll on the old creativity.

All of which is to say that the intermission on my Taskmaster fic has been extended. It will be back by (maybe before) Nov 24!
A graphic of purple stage curtains. There are filagree illustrations in each corner. The text reads: Your Time Starts Now. Extended Intermission. Returning by November 24.
November 10, 2025 at 6:08 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Scrolled past this too fast and misread it as 'Good luck with your fisting!'

😆😆
A drawing of an off-centre sign hanging from a glass door. The sign shows a hand in a fist, with the text Gone Fistin'
November 9, 2025 at 12:22 PM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
The brain rot is real, I see them everywhere. My new front door is giving me "worried Stede" eyebrows.
A set of glass door insets with multi-coloured diamonds, the top of which are curved upwards the centre like worried eyebrows. A screenshot of Stede Bonnet from S1E7 of Our Flag Means Death, cropped to his face to show his worried eyebrows. A screenshot of Stede Bonnet from S2E8 of Our Flag Means Death, cropped to his face to show his worried eyebrows.
October 30, 2025 at 10:14 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Tour of my new back garden, part 3. More talking, more revelations of my complete lack of plant knowledge.
October 29, 2025 at 9:18 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Here's where you get to hear my (tired, croaky) mellifluous tones. Tour of my new back garden, part 2.
October 29, 2025 at 9:15 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
A tour of my new back garden, part 1. There's no talking in this, just the sounds of the nearby highway.
October 29, 2025 at 9:07 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
Time to read some fic and then snoooooooze.
A fat white person, wearing glasses, and a rotund white cat, with tabby spots, curled up under flannelette sheets and doona, ready to sleep.
October 28, 2025 at 10:31 AM
ofmdzb.bsky.social
A reminder that my Taskmaster AU, Your Time Starts Now, is on a 2 week hiatus. We're halfway through & it's a great time to get caught up! If you haven't seen Taskmaster, the fic opens with a couple of introductory articles to explain the OFMD-ised show.
archiveofourown.org/works/70614116
#OFMDFic
The Neophyte's Guide to Taskmaster; or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Taskmaster Are you surrounded by people raving about Taskmaster, and wondering what the fuck it's all about? Let this guide introduce you to your new favourite show. Is it a game show or a panel show? Yes. Taskmaster is like someone took Christmas parlour games to an alternate universe and the parlour games came back hilariously wrong. It's an egg and spoon race on the moon, and the oxygen-deprived astronauts have to talk us through their thought process. Is it a competition? Yes. But only in the barest sense of the word. The grand prize - a golden bust of the Taskmaster's head - is universally derided as being completely worthless. Unlike other competition shows, nobody goes home at the end of an episode. The five contestants (or cast members) compete for points and for prizes that they themselves bring in for each episode. Wait, how is it like a panel show? Mostly in that the cast members are all, broadly, comedians. Usually stand-up comics and comic actors, though occasionally a presenter or two will sneak into the line-up. And they all trade commentary and zingers on the tasks over the course of an episode. Yeah, what's the whole 'task' thing? See point one - the tasks are essentially really warped parlour games. There are prize tasks, location tasks, team tasks and live tasks. Contestants can win points, from one to five, though it's at the whim of the Taskmaster, which means sometimes there's zero points and sometimes there's bonus points. What happens with the prize task? Each episode opens with a prize task, where the contestants bring in a prize to meet a prompt, such as 'The best thing to charm the Taskmaster's second cousin.' Whoever wins the episode wins all of the items brought in as prize tasks. So the location tasks are done at a location? The cast members all undertake various tasks, usually at the Taskmaster house (which is more than just a house - among other things, it has a caravan, a shed, a fake cow called Linda, an outside stage and bathtub, a tiny house, many trees, a lawn, a driveway, a lab, a library, a geodesic dome and a giant statue of the Taskmaster). Sometimes the location tasks happen at a secondary location. The key thing about location tasks is that the contestants all do identical tasks, but by themselves. Which means that, other than a few team tasks, the first time they're seeing each other doing this tasks is in the studio, where they're reacting in real time. There are only five contestants - how can there be team tasks? By having uneven teams - a team of three and a team of two. Yeah, it makes our brains itch too, but it somehow works. And live tasks - they happen live? Live tasks are the last task of the episode, and they're done on stage in front of the Taskmaster and a live studio audience. Sometimes they're team tasks, but usually they're individual tasks. What's the main reason for watching the show? The tasks. Or, more precisely, the way that the cast members approach the tasks. Have you ever wanted to know how your favourite comedian thinks, outside of their day job? Taskmaster is where you can find that out. Real time, on their feet, no idea what they're doing but they've been handed a task and a timeframe to do it in. And then watching them watch each other's attempts on the tasks adds another layer to the experience. Finally, of course, there's the crackling, comedy chemistry that is the central relationship of the show - the Taskmaster and the Taskmaster's assistant. At last, the reason for the show's title. What's so special about the dynamic? It's the most twisted dynamic on television, and its utter briliance cannot be captured with mere words. The Taskmaster's assistant, Little Izzy Hands, is with the cast members on location, acting as an invigilator (and occasional participant) for their task attempts. The Taskmaster, Edward "Blackbeard" Teach, only meets the contestants in the studio, so judges them at a distance. The Taskmaster's assistant, and the cast members, only want to please the Taskmaster, and the Taskmaster is extremely difficult to please. Okay, I might check it out. This is a show that you have to watch to fully appreciate. It either grips you and doesn't let you go, or it's not for you. Irrespective of where you fall on that spectrum, it's still one of the most consistently inventive, silly and funny shows on television. The next series of Taskmaster debuts on September 11, with cast members Archie 'Tiepin' Taipan, Ivan Khan, Jim Jimenez, Oluwande Boodhari and Stede Bonnet.
October 26, 2025 at 10:43 AM