Totally with you on the sentiment, but would also respectfully suggest that "real man" is a framing that could use deemphasizing instead of claiming.

They're good to each other. But they've so successfully Othered the rest of us that we don't register as fully human.

I think Dunbar's Number is probably mixed up in here somewhere.

And yes, that is correct: I have zero interest in the abuser's perspective.

I've spent decades trying to be good AND ethical AND nice. They're not mutually compatible at this moment, so one's got to go. I'm clear on which one it needs to be. 6/6

The only strong stand "Be nice!" takes is against conflict itself – including the kind of conflict I hope to be able to look at myself in the mirror about afterwards. 5/

And not only that – but insistence on niceness when the time for it is over only ever works in the favor of the worst people in the room. "Make nice with the abuser" exists at all levels, not just in families.
It happens at larger scales, too.
All the time. 4/

Nice people think nice is a good thing.
Which, often, it is.
But it's not kindness.
It's not courage.
It's not being on the moral side.
Niceness exists quite comfortably without any of those things. 3/

I wish I could say that convincing nice people they can continue being nice people while supporting the party of ICE, protection of pedophiles, protection of domestic violence perpetrators, and destruction of the US itself is quite the feat, but it's not. It's business as usual. 2/

There's also whatever Putin has on him, etc. There's not just one thing.

"I didn't know!"
~Every Nazi, once they weren't winning

All of which serve the purpose of personal dominance and public silencing. Not one of those things is good for anyone but the person making the attempt and their allies.