Noah Garfinkel
@noahgarfinkel.bsky.social
TV Writer: Kroll Show, New Girl, Other Cancelled Sitcoms
Republicans are always so desperate to masculinize the military, but it’s always like “No more trans members” or “Now we’re the department of WAR” and never just the sort of reasonable thing of “What if the navy uniform wasn’t the Shirliest fucking Temple thing on the planet?”
September 14, 2025 at 2:40 AM
Republicans are always so desperate to masculinize the military, but it’s always like “No more trans members” or “Now we’re the department of WAR” and never just the sort of reasonable thing of “What if the navy uniform wasn’t the Shirliest fucking Temple thing on the planet?”
The second act of every Stephen King book is, “Hey mister, you don’t look so good. You sure you’re alright?” and it’s great every time.
August 18, 2025 at 4:18 PM
The second act of every Stephen King book is, “Hey mister, you don’t look so good. You sure you’re alright?” and it’s great every time.
Praying for all nearby kayakers affected.
A massive landslide struck Endicott Arm in Southeast Alaska early Sunday, triggering a tsunami with waves reaching 15 ft. No major damage reported, but nearby kayakers were affected.
Here is the report from the Alaska Earthquake Center
🧪⚒️🌊
#Alaska
#Landslide
#EarthScience
Here is the report from the Alaska Earthquake Center
🧪⚒️🌊
#Alaska
#Landslide
#EarthScience
Major Landslide in Southeast Alaska Fjord | Alaska Earthquake Center
Early on August 10, the Earthquake Center received reports from people out boating of a mysterious local tsunami in the Endicott Arm area of Southeast Alaska, with waves of 10–15 ft near Harbor Island...
earthquake.alaska.edu
August 13, 2025 at 3:51 AM
Praying for all nearby kayakers affected.
You mean Saturday?
August 3, 2025 at 3:37 PM
You mean Saturday?
I’ve never seen Wicked, but the premise of The Wizard Of Oz is that the whole thing was a dream, so Wicked is just like, “Hey guess what, that dream also has a backstory”?
August 1, 2025 at 7:21 PM
I’ve never seen Wicked, but the premise of The Wizard Of Oz is that the whole thing was a dream, so Wicked is just like, “Hey guess what, that dream also has a backstory”?
This all sucks. We desperately need a journalist to sext with RFK Jr again.
August 1, 2025 at 6:41 PM
This all sucks. We desperately need a journalist to sext with RFK Jr again.
It’s a time travel book about stopping the JFK assassination and “Ozzie” is referring to Lee Harvard Oswald. 10/10 so far.
August 1, 2025 at 4:17 PM
It’s a time travel book about stopping the JFK assassination and “Ozzie” is referring to Lee Harvard Oswald. 10/10 so far.
(Thinking I’m about to win a debate about Arby’s being good.)
Okay, but do you think Arby’s has a right to exist?
Okay, but do you think Arby’s has a right to exist?
July 31, 2025 at 6:51 PM
(Thinking I’m about to win a debate about Arby’s being good.)
Okay, but do you think Arby’s has a right to exist?
Okay, but do you think Arby’s has a right to exist?
The arc of the moral universe is long… Good luck!
July 31, 2025 at 5:42 PM
The arc of the moral universe is long… Good luck!
(Drunk depressed Tony The Tiger)
It’s ffffffffffine.
It’s ffffffffffine.
July 29, 2025 at 5:32 AM
(Drunk depressed Tony The Tiger)
It’s ffffffffffine.
It’s ffffffffffine.
The coffee place I go to serves their cortados in a tiny cup that I find humiliating to walk around with, so when I order it I ask for a regular cup, and then when it’s ready, they call out, “Cortado in a big cup!” which is also humiliating.
July 28, 2025 at 10:17 PM
The coffee place I go to serves their cortados in a tiny cup that I find humiliating to walk around with, so when I order it I ask for a regular cup, and then when it’s ready, they call out, “Cortado in a big cup!” which is also humiliating.
Congratulations! This is your third right? Two girls and now a boy. Nice. That’s a good dynamic. What am *I* up to? Well lately I’ve been singing Gorgui Dieng to the tune of Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen so that’s been keeping me pretty busy.
July 25, 2025 at 7:55 PM
Congratulations! This is your third right? Two girls and now a boy. Nice. That’s a good dynamic. What am *I* up to? Well lately I’ve been singing Gorgui Dieng to the tune of Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen so that’s been keeping me pretty busy.
This is where I like to come to breastfeed Harry Reid.
July 14, 2025 at 6:18 PM
This is where I like to come to breastfeed Harry Reid.
(You’re a Rich Girl)
🎶 Laurence Fishburne 🎶
🎶 Laurence Fishburne 🎶
July 8, 2025 at 11:43 PM
(You’re a Rich Girl)
🎶 Laurence Fishburne 🎶
🎶 Laurence Fishburne 🎶
I think A.I. is bad and will kill us all but I also do think it could have come up with a way better song if given the prompt, “What would you do if you had a hammer?”
July 3, 2025 at 5:36 PM
I think A.I. is bad and will kill us all but I also do think it could have come up with a way better song if given the prompt, “What would you do if you had a hammer?”
E.R. episode titles are consistently named after like the 4th most dramatic story line. There’s an episode called Leave It To Weaver where Kerry Weaver doesn’t back up Mark in a meeting while Carol narrowly survives a car crashing into her coffee place.
July 1, 2025 at 3:24 AM
E.R. episode titles are consistently named after like the 4th most dramatic story line. There’s an episode called Leave It To Weaver where Kerry Weaver doesn’t back up Mark in a meeting while Carol narrowly survives a car crashing into her coffee place.
Yesterday was my first dentist appointment in way too long, and at one point I said, “I feel like they’re always playing Pet Shop Boys at dentist offices.” And the hygienist looked relieved and said, “I thought you were going to tell me I’m torturing you. You’re bleeding a lot.”
June 27, 2025 at 4:41 PM
Yesterday was my first dentist appointment in way too long, and at one point I said, “I feel like they’re always playing Pet Shop Boys at dentist offices.” And the hygienist looked relieved and said, “I thought you were going to tell me I’m torturing you. You’re bleeding a lot.”
Why would you pronounce me that? Why would you pronounce me Chuck and Larry?
June 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Why would you pronounce me that? Why would you pronounce me Chuck and Larry?
(Guy who has only ever seen Old)
“I want to see Shrek, that movie about the beach that makes you Shrek.”
“I want to see Shrek, that movie about the beach that makes you Shrek.”
June 25, 2025 at 11:43 PM
(Guy who has only ever seen Old)
“I want to see Shrek, that movie about the beach that makes you Shrek.”
“I want to see Shrek, that movie about the beach that makes you Shrek.”
I genuinely don’t think this is going to be WWIII, but what scares me is I’m never ever right about anything.
June 22, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I genuinely don’t think this is going to be WWIII, but what scares me is I’m never ever right about anything.
Streaming services should have a notification pop up before a season finale so if you’re binging you can get in the right headspace.
June 17, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Streaming services should have a notification pop up before a season finale so if you’re binging you can get in the right headspace.
“There’s a guy named Furphy.”
June 17, 2025 at 3:20 AM
“There’s a guy named Furphy.”
I cut my own hair most of the time and people always ask, “But how do you do the back?” It’s easy. I simply don’t do a good job.
June 16, 2025 at 8:04 PM
I cut my own hair most of the time and people always ask, “But how do you do the back?” It’s easy. I simply don’t do a good job.
Out of nowhere I started laughing to myself about the idea of a group of 12 year olds in 2000 getting caught trying to sneak into The Legend Of Bagger Vance.
June 14, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Out of nowhere I started laughing to myself about the idea of a group of 12 year olds in 2000 getting caught trying to sneak into The Legend Of Bagger Vance.
My mother quit her lucrative job at General Mills because she thought it should be called Chocolate Dracula. Our family never recovered.
June 12, 2025 at 7:15 PM
My mother quit her lucrative job at General Mills because she thought it should be called Chocolate Dracula. Our family never recovered.