Dear, sometimes you're too pure for this world. I thank you for all the support over the last years. 😔💜

I'm so glad I decided against having kids. This is hell and nobody can see it. Atm it's a waiting game, I hope I get an answer from a close university clinic soon but if not, I might need to travel to the south of Germany and get the test redone because reasons 🫩 Our health system is so broken, man

Thankfully a couple of neurodiverse people understand my trouble. Not surprising, because the gene affecting my mental health is linked to neurodiversity aswell. I'm forced to swim through that sea of medical information by myself now, and I lack the confidence since I'm not a goddamn doctor.

I've tried for 3 weeks to get adequate medical help and got none. On top of that stress I had to leave a longterm friend group because a stressful situation went out of control and I couldn't deal with this anymore. To them I'm overdramatic and to be scolded, to me I'm on fire for weeks.

This gene issue is socially isolating, on top of all the other risks like metabolism poisoning, heart issues, strokes...I'm too tired to cry. I just want to live at this point. Forget career and family. I feel like I'm gonna die alone and just vanish. I have no use in this system.

Unfortunately the lack of hormones shows up in a colourful spectrum of mental issues like anxiety, depression, adhd, pda...and some more. I don't feel comfortable speaking anymore, because I don't have any control about this. It stresses other people, which does stress me again.

I'm caught in an endless loop of trying to function and miserably failing. Only thing that helps to make life more bearable is social contact, but it gets more and more impossible to keep smiling as if I'm fine and not hurting.

Best response I've read today, thanks for making me laugh!