So for today I will try to appreciate the difficulties that come at this stage. Because it won’t last. Babies don’t keep. And one day I’ll miss these tiring early mornings.

One day you won’t stare up at me with those deep blue eyes and want “upease” (up please) all day long. One day I won’t be oscillating between you and my cup of coffee which I somehow manage to always leave in another room.

You toddle around and terrorize Charlotte, drip your milk everywhere, smash your snacks into the furniture, and screech loudly when you feel big feelings. One day you’ll sleep in, at least a little. One day you won’t need to be retrieved from your crib.

But why do I feel shame? When you volunteer time/money/resources to those in need, you’re praised and admired. So why do I feel so much guilt and shame when I accept that same help when I need it?? 3/3

Part of me wanted to run up and give them a big hug and build some sort of camaraderie, and then the other part of me immediately felt the weight of shame that comes from a history of financial insecurity. So I sat in my car and waited for them to go inside first… 2/3