At some point lotion became moisturizer and I didn’t even notice the transition happening

The fact that there might be a conclave so close to a movie about one has really motivated me to finish my screenplay "The Tech CEO Who Died of Diarrhea So Explosive The Coroner Said He Had No Lower Back to Speak Of"

Got embarrassingly far into this book of short stories before realizing it wasn’t one of those novels where the stories start separately and then all come together for the main plot

Handshakes are astrology for businessmen

Vin Diesel's full name is 1GNCS18Z3M0115561

If I’m doing larceny? You bet your ass it’s gonna be grand

every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel

There’s not even really a good nickname for Ebenezer

One thing I will never tire of is posts where someone exposes a silly blind spot they just realized their partner had. If your boyfriend was walking around this whole time thinking oat milk comes from cows that were only fed oats, I want to hear about it!

‘99 Red Balloons’ was released in 1984. Due to inflation that’s 315.16 Red Balloons in today’s value.

JUDGE: how do you find the defendant
JURY: you have to look for the stripey shirt your honor

Stand back, emotional support animal at work

These rose-colored glasses are prescription, actually