Matt Bernhard
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mbernhard.com
Matt Bernhard
@mbernhard.com
730 followers 450 following 340 posts
I do election stuff and security stuff, and sometimes election security stuff.

https://mbernhard.com
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mbernhard.com
The butterfly meme with a sign that says “TO ALL PATIENTS PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTERS THEY CONTAIN CONFIDENTIAL PATIENT INFORMATION.” Asking “is this HIPAA compliance”?
October 27, 2025 at 6:41 PM
mbernhard.com
We have black swallowtail caterpillars eating our fennel and I’m not sad about it
August 2, 2025 at 12:28 AM
mbernhard.com
I’m at an urgent care clinic, and they have Slush Puppie machine? If that’s not a metaphor for healthcare in the US I don’t know what is
A photo of a slush puppie machine A poster that reads “Slushy available at END of visit for GOOD behavior” (emphasis theirs)
May 9, 2025 at 6:10 PM
mbernhard.com
Okay I think this AI stuff has gone far enough
A photograph of an edition of “Catholic Cemetery Magazine,” a real publication that I swear I am not making up. The magazine is open to an article titled “Harnessing AI for Innovation in Cemetery Services.” The article goes on for pages about various ways Catholic cemetery managers can use AI to “enhanced their customer experience.”
April 15, 2025 at 7:45 PM
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This seems like a good time for this
A photo of Sid Richardson College at Rice University, with a giant banner hanging off the side saying “eat me aggies”, with the Texas A&M logo as part of the phrase “eat me”: “eATMe”
March 22, 2025 at 11:57 PM
mbernhard.com
www.buttersafe.com/2008/10/23/t...
A Buttersafe comic depicting a giant hellspawn saying "You should not have come here, human. Why do you cross through my domain?". A stick figure human says "I was on my way to the kitchen for a snack and I got lost". The demons says "You ended up in the twelfth plane of torment on your way to the kitchen?" And the man says "I am not a smart man."
March 18, 2025 at 12:09 AM
mbernhard.com
Outlook is a perfect product. I love not being able to read any of my emails during the work day.
An outlook error screen saying "Your message can't be displayed right now. Please check your network connection and try again later." Obviously, I'm posting this, so I have a network connection.
March 12, 2025 at 3:16 PM
mbernhard.com
Narwhals!
March 10, 2025 at 3:22 PM
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Also, the writing is exquisite.
A photo of page 123’s last paragraph, which reads “In the act of creation, an artist stands at the nexus of heaven and earth and pulls the unseen into the realm of the seen. This makes the artist an active participant in the construction of the universe, incarnating artifacts of the dreaming universal mind. The act of creation takes nerve, pluck, and audacity. I propose that all human beings, in homage to their inner divine spark, should endeavor to create art of some variety. Further, I suggest that all art should aim ludicrously high in its ambition, for a work of art whose ultimate goal is anything less than revolution is mere decoration. There is no shame, however, in settling for beauty, novelty, and truth when revolutionary aspirations fall short.”
January 17, 2025 at 7:06 PM
mbernhard.com
This is a delightfully weird book.
A picture of the book “Liber Indigo: the Affordances of Magic” by Justin Kirkwood
January 17, 2025 at 6:56 PM
mbernhard.com
Hotel television tuners here I come!
A photo of the box for a Flipper Zero.
January 11, 2025 at 5:56 PM
mbernhard.com
Just because you have to eat chicken breast doesn’t mean it has to taste bad
A picture of two blackened chicken breasts on a white cutting board, with a quartered lime in the upper right hand corner. One of the chicken breasts has a combustion Inc thermometer sticking out of it. A picture of a bowl of food, consisting of white rice, black beans, tomatoes, guacamole, and the cut up chicken breast from the first photo.
January 11, 2025 at 12:26 AM
mbernhard.com
for reference:
A screenshot of a skeet link preview by Awful Announcing with a picture of Timothee Chalamet on College Game day. Below it, the previewed headline reads: "Scott Van Pelt blasts Timothee Chalamet's 'College Gameday", then there's a line break, after which it continues "detractors: 'How miserable are you?'"
December 9, 2024 at 9:53 PM
mbernhard.com
Ah. www.aphis.usda.gov/regulated-ga....
A quote from the USDA: “Regulated garbage includes all waste material derived whole or in part from fruits, vegetables, meats or other plant or animal (including poultry) material, and other refuse of any character that has been associated with any such material.”
November 27, 2024 at 9:28 PM
mbernhard.com
I absolutely must know what “Regulated Garbage” means
A photo of an airplane at a gate with a DO&CO food service truck pulled up to it. On the side of the truck is printed “The gourmet entertainment company”, under which the phrase “REGULATED GARBAGE” appears
November 27, 2024 at 9:25 PM
mbernhard.com
Data validation is hard
The news ticket in the DTW Delta lounge, showing a match between the Anaheim Ducks, a hockey team, and the Seattle Seahawks, a football team.
November 27, 2024 at 7:32 PM
mbernhard.com
Ngl I thought they were playing Idaho for a minute and was confused upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/co...
The logo for the Idaho University Vandals (yeah it’s a weird name for a mascot)
November 26, 2024 at 10:52 PM
mbernhard.com
Who decided this was a good idea
A table lamp that is vaguely flesh colored and shaped like a boob, complete with a chromed nipple that can be used to turn the lamp on or off. There is a label pointing to the nipple reading, “try me!”
November 22, 2024 at 1:22 AM
mbernhard.com
Y’all I found a happy tomato
A ripe Roma tomato with indentations on the bottom that look like a happy face
November 19, 2024 at 7:51 PM
mbernhard.com
Skippy has fallen asleep with his head propped up by the bone he refuses to put down
A rat terrier asleep with a rawhide roll in his mouth, which is preventing his head from actually resting on the couch.
November 18, 2024 at 2:20 AM
mbernhard.com
The tautology club is at it again
A screen capture of the Wikipedia article for Chappell Roan’s song “Good Luck Babe!”, which starts with the sentence “”Good Luck Babe!” received critical acclaim from music critics” (which is highlighted in the screen capture).
October 28, 2024 at 7:40 PM
mbernhard.com
lest we forget this classic
The album cover for John Cougar Mellencamp's 1983 album "Uh-huh", featuring an airbrushed rendering of the artist with a Bon Jovi-esque haircut and piecing blue eyes, wearing a white t-shirt, bluejeans, and what appear to be loafers, against a purple backdrop and airbrushed fairies dancing around his head. Truly, one of the album covers of all time.
July 3, 2024 at 6:45 PM
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Holy crap
May 11, 2024 at 2:10 AM
mbernhard.com
I think I've found my favorite note at the start of a Wikipedia article
The Wikipedia page for the hip hop group Public Enemy, with a note that reads 'For technical reasons, "Public Enemy #1" redirects here. For uses of that term, see Public Enemy No. 1 (disambiguation).'
May 8, 2024 at 3:05 AM
mbernhard.com
April 6, 2024 at 9:02 PM