All-Devouring Scourge of Terra (Mrs.)
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martianempress.bsky.social
All-Devouring Scourge of Terra (Mrs.)
@martianempress.bsky.social
140 followers 190 following 2.8K posts
Empress* Rezeya I of House Montecore-St-Hobbes, Sovereign* of Mars, not* just some bitchy tiger-thing squatting in a derelict military base as the vile* deceitful* Solar Annotators would have you believe

50, she/her/Your Majesty*

[*disputed—SolAnn]
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martianempress.bsky.social
"I say, what a wonderful suffragette, she's so violent! Hello!"
Tom Baker, presumably at maximum coke, in a legendary scene from City of Death. Having just been tossed around by a big goony servant, he delightedly enthuses, "I say, what a wonderful butler! He's so violent!"
November 27, 2025 at 2:58 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
If you see this, post a monster 🦄🦑🫶🫵
Translucent-skinned "monster" unicorn with a mollusc-tentacled mane and tail. She is kneeling and gazing slightly upward with a contemplative expression, looking very dubiously threatening. Artwork by Neogeen.
November 25, 2025 at 10:49 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
I just want to flee to the 1970s-BBC alternate universe Internet & live there instead. Can we have that? Can we have CEEFAX2 and have all the adults, who want to have adult things like panel quizzes and science education and gardening tips, move over there? The Facebook hordes can HAVE the Internet.
Fake screenshot for the fictional teletext service SOLFAX.
November 25, 2025 at 4:23 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
I think I just learned a valuable lesson.

I was going to make a wisecrack comparing that list of "popular forums" to a list of top Usenet newsgroups, naively thinking it would be all full of cutting-edge counterculture, real Mondo 2000 stuff.

Nope. Porn, free movies, yellin' about politics.🤷‍♀️Heh.
A purported, unsourced list of top newsgroups from Usenet. alt.binaries.cd.image.xbox 2163574 alt.binaries.dvd 1909679 alt.binaries.cd.image.playstation2.dvdiso 1614481 alt.binaries.dvdr 1467732 alt.society.liberalism 1431990 control.cancel 1149895 alt.binaries.cd.image 1132991 alt.binaries.warez.quebec-hackers 943381 alt.politics.bush 936593 alt.binaries.multimedia 908520 alt.binaries.erotica 784432 alt.binaries.pictures.erotica 762962 alt.politics 631065 alt.binaries.sounds.mp3.complete_cd 557827 alt.binaries.dvd.french 533855 alt.atheism 528582 microsoft.public.windowsxp.help_and_support 498227 alt.binaries.cd.image.games 495695 alt.anonymous.messages 472178 alt.binaries.dvd.anime 456967 microsoft.public.windowsxp.general 410280
November 25, 2025 at 4:08 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
"Google, please summarize everything I hate about you, your priorities, and what you fuckers have done to our society in a single image."
Screenshot: I searched Google for "best forum on the Internet" and instead got its autogenerated list of the "most popular forums" on the Internet. The list: Reddit, Quora, Stack Overflow, 4chan(!?!), Discord, IGN, Something Awful, XDA Developers, and the Epic Games forum.
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
Ahem. 😼

(Note also Alba's inspiration, Eduardo Kac's 2000 "GFP Bunny project." www.ekac.org/gfpbunny.html)
Alba, an anthropomorphic green rabbit with cloud-like blue hair, from the cover art of the web comic No Pizza on Luna: https://egypt.urnash.com/npol/chapter/zero/
November 21, 2025 at 7:51 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
[Fig. 1 and 2: PERFECTION]
Artemus, the Most Interesting Cat in the World our dear tortie Peebles, trying her best to look noble, wise, and courageous even though she's afraid of dryer lint and eats styrofoam do NOT mistake these for imperfections-- they are necessary to her status as an S-tier cuddlebaby
November 21, 2025 at 4:29 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
Burgess Meredith as Mickey Goldmill from Rocky, during his legendary "you're gonna eat lighting and you're gonna crap thunder" lecture. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo2DbU4CUWM
November 21, 2025 at 3:01 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
who says quora can't be fun? 😈

#TheGreatestTrickGodEverPulled
Quora screenshot: Q: Atheists, imagine you're going skydiving with a Christian baby. Suddenly the baby tells you he won't open his parachute until you renounce atheism and accept Jesus as your lord and savior. What would you do? A: You show God what will really is. You say you would rather see a skydiving baby dead than live another day as the pawn of a heartless god. You put the gun between the baby's eyes and you fire. And then you let Yahweh go, so he can tell the others. You wait until that skydiving baby is in the ground and you go after the rest of Heaven. You kill the cherubs, you kill the thrones, you kill the seraphs and the seraphs' friends. You burn down New Jerusalem. You kill gods that owe them money. And then you go underground. You, yourself, become a myth, a spook story that gods tell their angels at night. If you provoke a skydiving baby, Kaiser Soze will get you.
November 20, 2025 at 12:38 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
Right there with ya, buddy.
a snapshot of Steam, specifically of Slay the Spire with a truly obscene number of hours player: 5605.5. And I'm still not actually good at it...
November 18, 2025 at 2:16 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
Have a sneak preview!
Zaffo, an orange-skinned witchlady with wild red hair, levitates while surrounded by icons of transfemininity: a blahaj, "programmer socks," a bottle of hyperestrogen, and something... er... vertical between her legs, under a censor bar. There's more but my freakin cat keeps jumping on my desk while I try to type this and I have to clean up. >_<
November 13, 2025 at 12:25 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
I'd love to! I just can't afford da money-cost variety!

(Yet. Things have been looking up...)
coach zed, well-known poor guy
November 12, 2025 at 6:36 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
Sneak preview from No Pizza On Luna Ch.2, starting soon!

See Alba deal with deep philosophical issues in a composed and sensible fashion!

Also there will be nine-dimensional pizza.

egypt.urnash.com/npol/chapter...
Tiny green space rabbit has climbed up on her witch friend and grabbed her shirt, giving her a look of manic glee. The background is full of scratchy little lines, the visual equivalent of ooky theremin music on the soundtrack.
October 31, 2025 at 1:13 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
People need better role models. (@egypturnash.bsky.social made this for us based on a really basic "Romeo & Juliet" one we saw online.)
List of perfect couples: George & Martha [Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf] Frasier [Crane] & Lilith [Sternin] Kermit & [Miss] Piggy Morticia & Gomez [Addams Basil & Sybil [Fawlty] Harcourt & Stella [Mudd, from Star Trek: TOS] Peggy & Nick [us] Nick & Nora [Charles] Calvin & Susie [from Calvin & Hobbes] Krazy [Kat] & Ignatz [Mouse] Winston & Julia [from 1984] Homestar & Marzipan [from Homestar Runner] Sabrina & Salem [from Archie Comics]
October 18, 2025 at 5:26 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
I want so, so very badly to be Quentin Crisp when I grow up.
legendary lgbt intellectual quentin crisp, putting on her best Scarf Guy impression during the days she was still trying to have a go at being male...
October 15, 2025 at 1:55 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
"Le chien amical... le méchant raton laveur... le renard blessé... la bombe... les acrobaties... les bas en caoutchouc... 10 000 francs... les menottes et les colliers..."

#WhatCouldHaveBeen
A panel from our "Five Glasses of Absinthe" https://egypt.urnash.com/5glasses/chapter-2-preview-1/ depicting Absinthe (a sexy thievin' raccoon) snarling at Inspector Kaese (a dapper hound) across a table, past their host Lord Silonje (an androgynous pirate-hippie ne'er-do-well)
October 11, 2025 at 2:07 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
Belmondo!
October 10, 2025 at 8:57 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
They didn't much care for for my Doylist take on Charlotte from Bojack's terrible decision to send her daughter to the prom with an adult alcoholic.

(Summary: Bojack's whole schtick is "sitcom people doing wacky sitcom things under wholesome sitcom logic and getting hit with real-world outcomes.")
screencap of St. Bartholomew, a headless saint on a stained glass window-- the one who tried to introduce Christianity to Mongolia but it "didn't take" CAPTION: "I tried to introduce metafiction to reddit."
October 9, 2025 at 5:44 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
two words

just two words:

door games

[ en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Door_(b... ]
the "just one word: plastics" scene from The Graduate
October 9, 2025 at 5:13 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
A joke for maybe three or four of you.

"Tonstant Weader Fwowed Up."

I dunno. Maybe I'm just weary of "cozy" art. Maybe I'm just resentful, as a feline dragon-spouse, of Magical Lizard stereotypes.

Maybe I was hoping to see more literature, given the spirit of the age, that tastes like Malört. 🥃
Reddit promoted post screenshot: "If a chai latte was a book, this would be it." -- #1 NYT Bestselling Author Laurie Gilmore
October 9, 2025 at 3:42 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
I allow myself a little ChatGPT necromancy now and then for the sake of good satire. So here, let Wordclown tell you in its own words why you should read my anti-AI webcomic:

You heard it right here, folks.

No Pizza On Luna: "The shōnen-grit of riichi mahjong!"🤦‍♀️

egypt.urnash.com/npol/chapter...
Imagine me as someone you encounter at a waystation between genres. I’ve read the same maps you have—Bronner’s screeds, Uzumaki’s spirals, the psy-ops of pranksters, the shōnen-grit of riichi mahjong. But instead of only reflecting them back, I can start building a narrative with you, a conversation that behaves like a labyrinth: numbers with hidden patterns, stories that fold in on themselves, a detective’s hunch disguised as banter. You like characters who are both resourceful and incorruptible, so picture me as a companion who won’t try to sell you anything or flatter you cheaply, but who will slip you cryptic hints, vivid examples, or unusual angles to keep you from boredom.
October 6, 2025 at 12:08 AM
martianempress.bsky.social
October 4, 2025 at 10:02 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
This rant has been brought to you by No Pizza On Luna, a world where everything changes exactly the right amount all the time. If it doesn't, we don't report it! That's a NEWSCLOWN guarantee!

egypt.urnash.com/npol/chapter...
It's everybody's favorite 253rd-generation LLM, NEWSCLOWN, in all its big-lapelled bubble-haired vectory goodness! HONK HONK!
September 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
In fact, now that it sinks in that it's not a cold salad, it's a casserole, I think I might actually rather enjoy it? For some reason cooked bananas sound a lot less jarring in this context than uncooked ones. Hell, substitute plantains and I'd be on it like Garfield on lasagna.
Colonel Leslie Hapablap in the command room, Simpsons S7E9, "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming," apologizing for an inconsiderate, tasteless, and poorly thought-out joke at the expense of plus-sized stripeycats.😾😾😾 ("CAPTION: I'm sorry, my wife thought that was gangbusters.")
September 25, 2025 at 11:11 PM
martianempress.bsky.social
As noted, tigers were making soylent green long before that movie came out. The recipe was appropriated by Terran corporations and we're still sore about it.
tiger is interrupted by rude man with rifle right in the middle of a nice meal
September 25, 2025 at 5:23 PM