@maltaran.bsky.social
Reposted
![[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.]
JANET:
Ugh...
LIZ:
What's up?
JANET:
I am so bored of cooking peas!
LIZ:
Have you tried...
AI peas?
JANET:
AI peas?
LIZ:
They're peas with AI!
[Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI].
LIZ:
Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas
JANET:
What
LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines]
Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas?
[Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it]
LIZ:
Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine
[Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas]
LIZ:
With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas!
JANET:
What
LIZ:
Shut up
LIZ:
Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow
From opening the bag of peas
to boiling the peas
to eating the peas
To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means.
JANET:
Is it really necessary to-
LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]:
THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET
[Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan:
AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas.
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayqa37f7kik7l7s7fbtfp2sir5ckb662ry2lylinyjrfa2rkvvka@jpeg)
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In honor of National Poetry Day, the greatest parody rewrite of all time:
October 2, 2025 at 3:17 PM
In honor of National Poetry Day, the greatest parody rewrite of all time:
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Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
My friend: Actually "cannolo" is the singular and "cannoli" is for when there's more than one.
Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
My friend: Actually "cannolo" is the singular and "cannoli" is for when there's more than one.
Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
September 29, 2025 at 11:49 AM
Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
My friend: Actually "cannolo" is the singular and "cannoli" is for when there's more than one.
Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
My friend: Actually "cannolo" is the singular and "cannoli" is for when there's more than one.
Me: I've had cannoli for breakfast every day since we got to Sicily.
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It's people like that who make you realise how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. TOM LEHRER (1928 - 2025)
July 28, 2025 at 11:59 AM
It's people like that who make you realise how little you've accomplished. It is a sobering thought, for example, that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years. TOM LEHRER (1928 - 2025)
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(I spent way too much time digging this up, which just goes to show how far I'll go (which is to say, too far) for a bit)
Everyone knows about Ea-nāṣir, of course, thanks to the clay tablets on which are written his customers' complaints.
But not enough people know about Yaqqim-Addu.
1/
Everyone knows about Ea-nāṣir, of course, thanks to the clay tablets on which are written his customers' complaints.
But not enough people know about Yaqqim-Addu.
1/
July 23, 2025 at 4:22 PM
(I spent way too much time digging this up, which just goes to show how far I'll go (which is to say, too far) for a bit)
Everyone knows about Ea-nāṣir, of course, thanks to the clay tablets on which are written his customers' complaints.
But not enough people know about Yaqqim-Addu.
1/
Everyone knows about Ea-nāṣir, of course, thanks to the clay tablets on which are written his customers' complaints.
But not enough people know about Yaqqim-Addu.
1/
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UK users, to confirm your age, please indicate how versatile waffles are.
July 11, 2025 at 7:10 AM
UK users, to confirm your age, please indicate how versatile waffles are.
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A Leo from Chicago who annoys Republicans you say?
May 8, 2025 at 8:09 PM
A Leo from Chicago who annoys Republicans you say?
Rodents of unusual size? I don’t believe they exist
Birmingham bin strike 'King rat' postbox topper appears
Birmingham bin strike 'King rat' postbox topper appears
A postbox topper featuring a king rat, bin bags and pizza boxes, is on display in Moseley.
www.bbc.com
May 7, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Rodents of unusual size? I don’t believe they exist
The last line elevates this so much
I’ve been poeming about how my nouns keep conversioning to verbs.
April 15, 2025 at 11:16 AM
The last line elevates this so much
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"New phone, Houthis?"
March 25, 2025 at 8:13 AM
"New phone, Houthis?"
30-50 of them?
December 9, 2024 at 6:35 PM
30-50 of them?
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“Say again” - I wasn’t listening
“Pardon?” - I didn’t hear you
“Eh?” - What are you on about?
“You what?” - What the hell are you on about?
“What did you just say?” - I might have to fight you
“I beg your pardon” - I might have to challenge you to a duel
“Pardon?” - I didn’t hear you
“Eh?” - What are you on about?
“You what?” - What the hell are you on about?
“What did you just say?” - I might have to fight you
“I beg your pardon” - I might have to challenge you to a duel
November 30, 2024 at 1:05 PM
“Say again” - I wasn’t listening
“Pardon?” - I didn’t hear you
“Eh?” - What are you on about?
“You what?” - What the hell are you on about?
“What did you just say?” - I might have to fight you
“I beg your pardon” - I might have to challenge you to a duel
“Pardon?” - I didn’t hear you
“Eh?” - What are you on about?
“You what?” - What the hell are you on about?
“What did you just say?” - I might have to fight you
“I beg your pardon” - I might have to challenge you to a duel
Is this John Scalzi?
I eat nearly all my evening meals wrapped in a tortilla like a burrito. It is the perfect eating system. Fish and chips Sunday roast and even stew have gone into it. The mess is half the fun.
November 27, 2024 at 6:33 PM
Is this John Scalzi?
I don’t own one so it’s taken a couple of weeks, but I can now provide #proofofcat #pubcat
November 23, 2024 at 3:10 PM
I don’t own one so it’s taken a couple of weeks, but I can now provide #proofofcat #pubcat
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It's the weekend, baby
November 22, 2024 at 11:20 PM
It's the weekend, baby
Every so often my local Labour Party sends a leaflet and reminds me that I am represented by Councillor Iroh
a man with a beard is drinking a cup of tea .
Alt: Uncle Iroh is drinking a cup of tea .
media.tenor.com
November 21, 2024 at 5:13 PM
Every so often my local Labour Party sends a leaflet and reminds me that I am represented by Councillor Iroh
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Gary Lineker lining up his next job maybe? www.bbc.com/news/article...
Justin Welby: Archbishop of Canterbury resigns over abuse scandal
His resignation comes after a damning report into a prolific child abuser associated with the Church.
www.bbc.com
November 12, 2024 at 5:22 PM
Gary Lineker lining up his next job maybe? www.bbc.com/news/article...
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Top letter in today's Guardian which ticks all the boxes (DOROTHY L SAYERS SPOILER ALERT!)
November 9, 2024 at 8:58 AM
Top letter in today's Guardian which ticks all the boxes (DOROTHY L SAYERS SPOILER ALERT!)