Magachurch Pastor 🙌 🇺🇸
@magachurchpastor.bsky.social
Saved Christmas from the Radical Left. Harlan Crow is my uncle. PragerU: Summa Cum Laude. Husband of 1, pawpaw of 6, etc. Not weird!!
On Sunday, I'm bringing my wife's dad up on stage with his bad leg. If anyone doesn't stand and clap--and also doesn't hit up his Venmo that'll be on the big screen--I'm going to assume they're a Demon-rat and throw them out!!
March 7, 2025 at 2:06 PM
On Sunday, I'm bringing my wife's dad up on stage with his bad leg. If anyone doesn't stand and clap--and also doesn't hit up his Venmo that'll be on the big screen--I'm going to assume they're a Demon-rat and throw them out!!
As a magachurch pastor, I celebrated "Ash Wednesday" by sneaking up behind people in the mall with a Wet Wipe and cleaning off their grimy foreheads before shouting, "You're welcome!!" and running away.
March 6, 2025 at 6:18 PM
As a magachurch pastor, I celebrated "Ash Wednesday" by sneaking up behind people in the mall with a Wet Wipe and cleaning off their grimy foreheads before shouting, "You're welcome!!" and running away.
Friends, if Zelenskyy is a dictator, why does Pres Trump not like him? You would think that’d be a selling point!
March 3, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Friends, if Zelenskyy is a dictator, why does Pres Trump not like him? You would think that’d be a selling point!
Unpopular opinion, but I'm glad the U.S. is cutting funding for Ebola prevention, and that the FDA isn't going to choose a good influenza shot for next year. For too long mortality rates in this country have been low. We need to get competitive again!!!
February 28, 2025 at 12:26 PM
Unpopular opinion, but I'm glad the U.S. is cutting funding for Ebola prevention, and that the FDA isn't going to choose a good influenza shot for next year. For too long mortality rates in this country have been low. We need to get competitive again!!!
Friends, with all the airplane accidents lately, I've decided to ground "Air Gospel One" for the foreseeable future. Of course that means my wife Heidi will be unable to fly to Milan for Fashion Week, but this is a sacrifice we must make. Safety first!!
February 19, 2025 at 11:57 AM
Friends, with all the airplane accidents lately, I've decided to ground "Air Gospel One" for the foreseeable future. Of course that means my wife Heidi will be unable to fly to Milan for Fashion Week, but this is a sacrifice we must make. Safety first!!
Friends, although I issued an order changing the name of our south parking lot to "The Parking Lot of America" one of my Assistant Pastors refuses to call it that. So I had no choice but to ban him from the building.
February 13, 2025 at 12:37 PM
Friends, although I issued an order changing the name of our south parking lot to "The Parking Lot of America" one of my Assistant Pastors refuses to call it that. So I had no choice but to ban him from the building.
I scheduled a very special all-church "Super Bowl Prayer Gathering" for tonight. I'm sure my assistant pastors did a good job leading it. I wasn't able to make it, since I'm in a suite at the game in New Orleans 🙏
February 10, 2025 at 12:42 AM
I scheduled a very special all-church "Super Bowl Prayer Gathering" for tonight. I'm sure my assistant pastors did a good job leading it. I wasn't able to make it, since I'm in a suite at the game in New Orleans 🙏
Yesterday, I was blessed to lead a prayer vigil outside my local Target store to protest whatever might happen during the Super Bowl half-time show tomorrow night. Just covering all my bases 🙏
February 8, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Yesterday, I was blessed to lead a prayer vigil outside my local Target store to protest whatever might happen during the Super Bowl half-time show tomorrow night. Just covering all my bases 🙏
Friends, the recipe for a long and healthy life is avoiding vaccines and eating lots of fast-food burgers and fries. Turns out, the antioxidant properties of ketchup will protect your body, mind, and spirit against any harm. Not that Fauci would ever admit to that!
February 7, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Friends, the recipe for a long and healthy life is avoiding vaccines and eating lots of fast-food burgers and fries. Turns out, the antioxidant properties of ketchup will protect your body, mind, and spirit against any harm. Not that Fauci would ever admit to that!
I have given DOGE full access to the confidential payroll information for our church and I'm hoping they will root out the wasteful overspending of my Assistant Pastors. Not my spending or my wife's, but those other people on staff.
February 5, 2025 at 1:18 PM
I have given DOGE full access to the confidential payroll information for our church and I'm hoping they will root out the wasteful overspending of my Assistant Pastors. Not my spending or my wife's, but those other people on staff.
Just being honest here. As a magachurch pastor, if I’m scared of something I just call it “woke”
February 4, 2025 at 10:21 PM
Just being honest here. As a magachurch pastor, if I’m scared of something I just call it “woke”
I just read that Mel Gibson didn’t know he was one of President Trump’s “Ambassadors to Hollywood” until he read it on Twitter. I was surprised because Mr. Trump is usually way more careful with his words. Looks like the Deep State is working overtime to embarrass him. Again!
January 18, 2025 at 2:47 PM
I just read that Mel Gibson didn’t know he was one of President Trump’s “Ambassadors to Hollywood” until he read it on Twitter. I was surprised because Mr. Trump is usually way more careful with his words. Looks like the Deep State is working overtime to embarrass him. Again!
Friends, when a hurricane rips through a southern state, that's called a weather pattern. When wildfires rip through California, that's called God's judgment on those godless commies. I don't make the rules, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I just follow where he leads!!
January 10, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Friends, when a hurricane rips through a southern state, that's called a weather pattern. When wildfires rip through California, that's called God's judgment on those godless commies. I don't make the rules, the Lord works in mysterious ways. I just follow where he leads!!
Leaving church on Sunday, I spotted an aging minivan with a flat tire. Driving up, I saw 3 kids inside and a flustered mom straining to loosen a lug nut. When she couldn't budge it after 4 tries, I jumped in to help, praying from my car for her success. Still thinking about them today.
January 8, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Leaving church on Sunday, I spotted an aging minivan with a flat tire. Driving up, I saw 3 kids inside and a flustered mom straining to loosen a lug nut. When she couldn't budge it after 4 tries, I jumped in to help, praying from my car for her success. Still thinking about them today.
Start your New Year off right!
Join with me and my church in "21 Days Of Prayer To Be More Generous To My Ministry". DM me for details. You'll be so blessed--by how you bless me in 2025!!
Join with me and my church in "21 Days Of Prayer To Be More Generous To My Ministry". DM me for details. You'll be so blessed--by how you bless me in 2025!!
January 2, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Start your New Year off right!
Join with me and my church in "21 Days Of Prayer To Be More Generous To My Ministry". DM me for details. You'll be so blessed--by how you bless me in 2025!!
Join with me and my church in "21 Days Of Prayer To Be More Generous To My Ministry". DM me for details. You'll be so blessed--by how you bless me in 2025!!
Friends, there are 800,000 years of ice core layers in the Antarctic, and there's a star whose light has taken 12.9 billion years to reach earth. Yet I believe the universe was created in 6 days (Mon-Sat) 6,000 years ago and that is a hill I will die on!!
December 27, 2024 at 3:11 PM
Friends, there are 800,000 years of ice core layers in the Antarctic, and there's a star whose light has taken 12.9 billion years to reach earth. Yet I believe the universe was created in 6 days (Mon-Sat) 6,000 years ago and that is a hill I will die on!!
Thank you to the talented local artist who created “Angel Wings” that has been proudly on display at the church this Christmas season!!
December 27, 2024 at 3:23 AM
Thank you to the talented local artist who created “Angel Wings” that has been proudly on display at the church this Christmas season!!
Sad to report that Heidi and I are going through a trial separation. It’s no big deal, we’ll work it out. I’m temporarily staying with my Assistant Pastor, Felix. Earlier, his wife had requested that he never return. I hope we can live together without driving each other crazy.
December 26, 2024 at 10:43 PM
Sad to report that Heidi and I are going through a trial separation. It’s no big deal, we’ll work it out. I’m temporarily staying with my Assistant Pastor, Felix. Earlier, his wife had requested that he never return. I hope we can live together without driving each other crazy.
Celebrating the REASON for the SEASON today. And by that I mean all the generous, recurring givers to my ministry! Merry Christmas (so happy we can say it again without threat of reprisal).
December 26, 2024 at 3:22 AM
Celebrating the REASON for the SEASON today. And by that I mean all the generous, recurring givers to my ministry! Merry Christmas (so happy we can say it again without threat of reprisal).
Why did I repeatedly invite my Jewish neighbors to our Christmas Eve Services this year? Because people of all faiths can agree that Jesus was half-Jewish (on his mothers side) and also that he was born on December 25th in 0 BC. Those are just facts! 🎄✝️
December 24, 2024 at 3:17 PM
Why did I repeatedly invite my Jewish neighbors to our Christmas Eve Services this year? Because people of all faiths can agree that Jesus was half-Jewish (on his mothers side) and also that he was born on December 25th in 0 BC. Those are just facts! 🎄✝️
At last year's Christmas Eve services, disaster struck. I was short on time, so I just read one of Joel Osteen's old sermons. Only I forgot to change the name of his wife in the script. So, for two weeks, I had to pretend my wife's name was Victoria. Heidi was NOT happy.
December 24, 2024 at 12:10 AM
At last year's Christmas Eve services, disaster struck. I was short on time, so I just read one of Joel Osteen's old sermons. Only I forgot to change the name of his wife in the script. So, for two weeks, I had to pretend my wife's name was Victoria. Heidi was NOT happy.
My church was being swarmed by drones last night. Atheists cannot stand that we say "Merry Christmas" whenever we feel like it!
December 22, 2024 at 5:02 PM
My church was being swarmed by drones last night. Atheists cannot stand that we say "Merry Christmas" whenever we feel like it!
This must be AI because there is absolutely no historical proof this ever happened. But this is the Christmas that liberals and Europeans want!! Also the Methodists.
December 21, 2024 at 10:02 PM
This must be AI because there is absolutely no historical proof this ever happened. But this is the Christmas that liberals and Europeans want!! Also the Methodists.
Friends here’s another MasterClass in dealing with your online critics. Always leave the door open and a light on. Despite appearances, I know this dear brother will soon be joining me in high-impact ministry!!
December 19, 2024 at 1:51 PM
Friends here’s another MasterClass in dealing with your online critics. Always leave the door open and a light on. Despite appearances, I know this dear brother will soon be joining me in high-impact ministry!!
Friends, as many of you know, I am the tip of the spear fighting an unseen battle in the unseen war on Christmas. Please keep me in your prayers as I labor to make our world a safe place to once again say, "Merry Christmas!"
December 18, 2024 at 2:25 PM
Friends, as many of you know, I am the tip of the spear fighting an unseen battle in the unseen war on Christmas. Please keep me in your prayers as I labor to make our world a safe place to once again say, "Merry Christmas!"