Probably the most succinct way to put it is, I have been telling everyone for a good two years now, after turning my life around, that I now love myself. But today was the first day I said to myself “I love you”.

So I think the medicine is working. I am free of doubt, and full of possibility.

After maybe the most unimaginable nightmare that can happen to a family member, at the height of the pandemic year, I was ready to call it quits, even after vowing to actively work on myself. Hell, I was working on myself, and it wasn’t not working, but it almost wasn’t enough.

I cannot remember a time where I have not seen a picture of myself, and immediately clicked off, or looked away, or had my eyes glaze over. I am actually excited to catch up with a friend and speak about what I have been up to in a few weeks. I’m sad I can’t do it now!

Today was the first time since I announced my transfeminity to a family member, where I simply felt at peace, so really, years, maybe decades, since I felt relaxed on my own terms.

It’s the first day maybe ever, I have looked at a recent picture of me, and just seen myself.

I'm probably just gonna use music to get in touch with my transfeminine side for a while. My next album will probably be that Jane Remover project.

Nvm once I got the stick out of my ass I had a pretty good time. Very hard to do without alcohol but still possible!

The fact that a gay club is playing old pop punk and emo feels like it’s missing the point. I know a lot of trans women my age loved their Green Day and MCR, but those days are over. Songs like My Own Worst Enemy and Damned If I Do Ya are embarrassingly hetero.