Now to wait for the doctors visit in a few days for the results..and you bet your ass im telling him about the brain zap and the constant headaches. This shit sucks.

I hope eating stops this headache x_x

I also apparently can still "hide the autism well" even with a fragile broken mask. I'm not entirely sure if that was a compliment or not but im going to take it as one because she was very nice and helped me not panic and wasn't rude in the slightest. I hope she has a good rest of her day.

I hope she's right. I hate this constant stress. My head still hurts. I'm going to go for my reward and eat now. I'm hungry. I will get the paperwork after. I dont wanna stay in the hospital for more than needed. Scary place.

I ended up talking with the nurse who did my ct scan about panic, autism, depression, and the stress I've been dealing with and she
thinks the brain zap could be from the antidepressants im off of & the constant stress and panic from these doctors visits and the unknown.

My neck is still extremely stiff too but I can at least move it a bit better than yesterday. The heating pad has helped i think. I'm hoping the pain wont be too bad tomorrow because the ct machine is not comfortable to lay in. :/

I'll update you when I am able to.

"Why dont you find another therapist?"

Would you try explaining nearly 3 fucking decades of trauma to a stranger and then take their advice? I wouldnt.

The therapist I had/have is one of the very few out of the many i was taken to that I actually kindasorta trust after MULTIPLE years of effort.

-Fucking doing do. For the umpteenth time im not a "new" patient! I've seen my therapist for more than half my fucking life this point if anything im one of their older patients. If they kept their records in order then theyd know but it seems like they don't or much less care which is sad & hurtful