Child: it hurt me when you x, y, z.
Parent: You'll understand when you [insert age/stage of parenting]
Child at that age/stage: it hurt me when you x, y, z; I don't do that to my kid/don't understand why you did it to me.
Parent: Why do you always focus on the negative and hold grudges?

Exactly. I chose estrangement for my protection and for room to heal. I chose estrangement to protect my kid and my spouse from being sucked any further into the black hole of my family of origin's destructive dysfunction and abuse.

Yep.

It's staggering to observe the mental hoops dysfunctional parents will twist and turn through to avoid accountability.